


Stand By Me

by impulse_baker



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Flirting, Cas loses his virginity, Even the burn is fluffy, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Mentioned Rape/Non Con, Mentioned suicide, Pining, Romance, Single Dad Dean, even more awkward confessions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-07-29 16:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 85,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7692289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impulse_baker/pseuds/impulse_baker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is left to raise an infant Ben on his own when Lisa takes her own life. Struggling to navigate through fatherhood, Dean devotes himself to his new responsibility. He doesn't think he can make room in his life for anyone else now that he is a father, until a certain blue eyed stranger comes into the picture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first official AO3 fic, hope you like it! I thrive on comments - let me know what you think!

_Dean._

_This is the part where most people would say sorry for doing this to you. But if I’m honest, which I now have no reason not to be, I’m not sorry for my decision. You might call me selfish or a coward for what this letter means, but I don’t really think you will. I think you’ll understand. And you’ll accept it. You’ll acknowledge how much this sucks but I think, and I guess I hope, you’ll understand why it needs to be this way. I would’ve been the worst mom to this kid. I always fantasized about you raising my children, but under very different circumstances, but still, you’re the dad I want for my kid. This is the only way he’ll get the upbringing he deserves._

_Dress him in tiny leather jackets and show him the ins and outs of an engine. Teach him how to woo the ladies -or the boys- with a guitar and make sure he knows ‘liquor before beer’. Teach him to stick up for himself and to never let anyone have their way with him. I guess, make him like you, Dean. Make him into the only man I have ever been proud of. Don’t let him be his father, whoever the hell that is. Don’t let him be like my Pops. Don’t let him be any man except for the man you make him to be. You’ll be the best dad a kid could hope for._

_I want you to know that I’m not mad, I don’t hold anything against you. I love you. If there is an afterlife, I’ll love you there, too. And I know you do, too, just not in the way I wanted. But that’s ok. I used to think that maybe if I fluttered my eyelashes your way more, touched your arms more, or if I burned less of the pies I made you, you would fall for me, too. But Dean. I’m ok. Your love is the only love I’ve ever known and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. If you give this kid half the love you gave me, he’ll be the luckiest son of a bitch alive -don’t shake your head at my word choice-._

_I decided to name him Ben, like Ben E. King. Yeah, I was awake when you were singing Stand by Me at my bedside when he was born. I was afraid you’d stop if you knew I wasn’t asleep._

_I love you Dean. Take care of him, love him. Take care of yourself. Be happy Dean._

_-Lisa_

_One last thing, tell him the whole truth about me, and his father. I want him to know completely. But tell him I love him. I love him so much._

 

Dean folded the letter and put it back its envelop before putting it back into his nightstand. He remembered rushing to the hospital when he got a call saying he should come quick. He remembered begging the doctors to save her. He remembered pressing a final kiss to her cold forehead before the nurses wheeled her body away. He remembered his silent, tearful promises over her casket at the funeral. He willed himself to remember her, living, how she would have laughed and punched his arm if she ever saw him in this state. He lingered on the image of her coffee black eyes that seemed to still sparkle despite seeing every shit the world had. He recalled her thick dark brown hair that framed her tanned face perfectly, how she had a smile for every occasion. Yes, this was how she would have liked to be remembered, Dean thought. She would’ve rather I remember how beautiful she always was, how she always burned with a white hot energy, a stark contrast to the cold girl he had seen last.

From the crib across the room he could hear Ben babbling away happily at the mobile rotating slowly above him. He walked over to the crib and gently turned the ornaments on the mobile Charlie had made with Jo. A soft lullaby version of Carry on Wayward Son played from it and there were plush angel figures that vaguely resembled some of Dean’s family and friends.  There was one angel, a dark haired angel with unique dark wings, who Dean couldn’t recognize, and when he questioned the girls they wiggled their eyebrows at him teasingly. He shook his head, not believing he could ever consider the possibility of finding someone to share his life with, when he already had Ben to give his life to. This didn’t stop his friends from encouraging him that single parents found partners all the time, but he didn’t think it was in the cards for him. Ben was his whole world now.

Lisa’s death broke something inside Dean. He was initially consumed by guilt. Maybe if he had been to her what she wanted, she would not have been driven to take her own life. Maybe if he had let her stay with him, she wouldn’t have been out the night she was raped. Maybe if he were a better friend to her, he could have convinced her to stick around to see her son grow. Maybe…

Everyone told him not to feel guilt for her loss, but how could he not? He couldn’t help the gnawing feeling that there was something more he could have done.

When he first held Ben after finding out what Lisa wanted, guilt was replaced with something else, though he didn’t quite have a word for it. Epiphany maybe. Ben had Lisa’s eyes. Dean loved him immediately and vowed to present the world at the child’s small feet and raise him as best he could. He would make Lisa proud.

Ben’s gurgling continued and the spittle at his smiling lips warmed Dean. He reached down and brought the baby to his chest, cradling his head close to his heart. He read somewhere that it was important for babies to hear their parent’s heartbeats or something. It was in one of those magazines Charlie brought to his apartment and he didn’t know how much of those advice pages were bullshit, but he would give anything a try he thought could be good for Ben. He did draw the line when his younger brother Sam suggested Dean play classical music around Ben because it made the kid smarter. There was no way his kid was going to be listening to that crap when Led Zeppelin and AC/DC were much better teachers.

“Hey buddy, yeah I know, I know,” Dean cooed back at the bundle of joy in his arms. “You hungry? I’ll bet you’re hungry, let’s fix you a bottle.”

He went into the kitchen, and still gently bobbing with Ben in his arms, he pulled out the baby formula and warmed water for his bottle. When the milk was mixed, he tested it to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then readjusted the baby so that his head was in the nook of Dean’s elbow, and he could give him the bottle to suckle on. Ben drank greedily, making Dean laugh at his appetite.

“Geez buddy, maybe I should start feeding you the good stuff. I’ll ask auntie Ellen how well to prep a steak for bottle feeding.” Ben stopped briefly to stick his tongue out between his parted lips to spit and gurgle. “I’ll take that as an agreement. I don’t blame you, that milk tastes like sh-… it tastes awful.”

Dean was determined to be the best damn dad he could be, and as per Ellen’s advice, he eliminated the cussing around Ben. He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Dean Winchester, is watching his language. Laugh it up Lisa, I know you want to.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always loved Dean's interactions with kids - Ben and Bobby John especially - so it was easy for me to see him fall into this 'Dad of the Year' role. Much love for Daddy!Dean

Dean woke up to the sound of crying. He flung the covers off and swung his legs over the side of the bed as soon as his eyes flew open. Ben woke up at exactly 5:50 every morning, like clockwork. Dean had tried to vary their bedtime routine a couple times to see if anything would change, Ben was still up at the same time, every morning since he was 8 months old. Dean had an alarm set for 6:00 just in case Ben magically didn’t wake up at his usual time, but for a year, Dean could count on Ben being up before the sun.

The slightly groggy man turned on his bedside lamp and shuffled over to the crib and stretched out his arms and shoulders, then reached down and touched his toes, did a couple twists of his waist before leaning down and picking up the crying child. Charlie had read an article to him that talked about the importance of certain stretches at the beginning of every day when you had a baby. It had something to do with being able to hold the baby the right way. Again, he didn’t know if it was just bullshit to up their sales, but it didn’t hurt, so he did it.

“Come here buddy. Okay, okay. I know, mornings are the worst, I know.” He placed a soft kiss on his son’s cheek – yes, after about four months of having Ben, he started referring to and thinking of him as his own son. He looked into the dark eyes and smiled wide. “Hey Benny baby, hey Benny boy,” he cooed at the now smiling child. Dean nuzzled his nose into Ben’s tummy, earning him a fit of giggles and he pulled away and placed another soft kiss on the other cheek. Ben was laughing and had a big smile on his face, showing his gums and the few small teeth he had. He reached out and grabbed at Dean’s face, patting and squeezing his cheeks and leaning in to place his own wet kiss to his daddy’s cheek.

If you had asked Dean two years ago, he would have never even thought that starting his day off at an ungodly hour with giggles and kisses and crying of a baby would make for the most cherished moments of his day. He lived for Ben’s cooing and incoherent mumbling, although he swore he knew almost exactly what his son was saying.

“Dadee,” Ben squealed over and over again, bouncing his legs in Dean’s arms.

“Ok yeah breakfast time!” Dean carried Ben to the bathroom where he sat him down on the counter. He turned on the water and washed his face, then squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush and started brushing.

“Dadadee! Me! Me tie!” Ben was making grabbing motions at Dean’s brush, so Dean gave him the brush and brought his face close to his sons, opening his mouth so Ben could try brushing his teeth for him. He ended up brushing his lips more than anything, but Dean encouraged him and let him try until he decided it was more entertaining to continue watching his dad brush instead. When Dean was done, he held his son so that his face was close to the sink.

“Ok buddy make a bubble,” he said and demonstrated puffing his own cheeks out and keeping his lips shut tight, poking a finger at Ben’s cheeks to indicate he try as well. They had been practicing this for days now, letting Ben splash water at his own face in the mornings, after he tried to imitate Dean one day. He splashed a lot of water around the counter but Dean just laughed and cleaned it up when they were both satisfied.

He helped Ben climb down from the counter and then chased him into the kitchen. Ben had incredibly chubby legs and it made his bow leggedness all the more adorable when he ran. When they got into the kitchen, Ben dragged a small step stool from the corner and pushed it against a wall to climb up onto the counter. Dean encouraged him to be as active as he wanted, making his apartment completely baby friendly so that his son could safely climb onto anything, with his supervision of course.

Once he was standing on the counter, he opened the cabinet where he knew Dean kept his breakfast. Although Ben was now eating softer table foods, Dean still liked to give him the fruit and vegetable pureed baby food with oatmeal in the morning. He let Ben pick out a blueberry, pear and purple carrot blend and set it on the table with a spoon. He loosened the lid so that Ben could easily open it when he sat in his chair and began eating while Dean put on some music and started making them both oatmeal. The kid sure had an appetite, one that could maybe rival Dean’s.

“ _Today’s music ain’t got the same soul_

_I like that old time rock and roll”_

Dean sang along with Bob Seger’s voice and was pleased to see Ben bouncing in his chair and trying to sing along too. He set his own bowl of oatmeal at the table and placed Ben’s smaller bowl in front of the singing child.

They continued to eat and sing in between bites until they were both done, and then he turned on an episode of Sesame Street for Ben to watch while he did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. The clock read 6:35, which gave him plenty of time to get Ben to Sam’s house and still make it to work by 8:00. Sam’s wife, Sarah, was an art curator and made some of her own pieces so she usually worked from home, which meant that she was usually the one who watched Ben while Dean was at work. The couple didn’t have any kids of their own yet, despite their trying, so Sarah was more than happy to keep Ben.

At 7:20 he pulled into Sarah’s family estate which she and Sam had gotten as their wedding present, and got out to walk Ben to the door. Before he could ring the bell, Sarah opened the door smiling, and Ben let out a happy scream and waddled to her open arms.

“Benny! My favorite little boy, how are you?” She cooed at him while he had two handfuls of her ponytails.

“An Shaya!” Ben was picking up on how to say everyone’s names slowly, and even though it wasn’t perfect, the result was always an adorable variation of their actual name. Sam and Dean doubled over the first time Ben reached up for their uncle Bobby to pick him up calling him “Bee”.

“Hey Sarah, thanks again.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder for a hug. “You two have fun! I’ll be here for him at 5. I know it’s an hour more than usual but I think my supervisor is sizing me up for that promotion so I’ll probably be there until 5 for the next couple days…or weeks.” He gave her an apologetic look but she brushed him off.

“Hey no, you could stay there forever and I would be perfectly happy keeping Ben. Don’t worry about it. We’ll see you when we see you! Bye Dean!”

“Bye bye dadee!”

Dean leaned in to let Ben smack a loud messy kiss on his cheek and placed his own soft kiss on Ben’s hair. “Bye buddy, be good!”

Dean worked for the Lockheed Martin Corporation as a mechanical engineer. The company was one of the nation’s leading manufacturers for military equipment, and he was in line to be promoted to senior project lead. Although he hated having to spend more time away from his son, he knew it was a temporary extension until he got the promotion. He was already making great money, but the raise wouldn’t hurt, it just meant he would be able to give Ben the best.

Towards the end of the day he was looking over some schematics when there was a knock on his office door.

“Come in.”

“Dean! Hey you got a minute?”

It was Jimmy Novak, one of the company’s financial consultants or something like that. Jimmy had tried describing his job to Dean many times but it was mostly a bunch of tax talk he didn’t care for. He and Jimmy had gone to college together and were thrilled when they wound up working for the same company. When Lisa left Ben to him, Jimmy, who was already a father, helped Dean a lot with the ins and outs of fatherhood.

“Yeah Jimmy, what can I do for you?”

“As you know, Claire’s birthday is on Thursday, and Amelia and I are having her party on Saturday, so we were really hoping you and Ben could come. I know you’re busy kissing ass for the promotion, but even if it is for an hour or two, Claire would be ecstatic if you guys came.”

“Screw you, I don’t _need_ to kiss ass to get a raise, and of course we’ll come. What time?”

“2:00.”

“Awesome. We’ll see you then.”

“Great!” Jimmy walked out the door but quickly stuck his head back inside. “By the way, at Claire’s request, the party is space-princess themed. So, yeah. Prepare accordingly.”

Dean laughed. He loved Claire’s quirkiness, no doubt influenced by Charlie and Jo, who were her primary babysitters when Jimmy and Amelia needed someone. Charlie had also gone to college with them and was a permanent fixture in their friends/family after she had helped Dean and Jimmy hack into a frat house security system as well as most of the frat’s computers to perform an elaborate payback prank on Jimmy’s older brother Gabriel.

He pulled out his phone to send Charlie a text.

_Dean Winchester: Hey, you’ll be at Claire’s party right?_

Her response came immediately.

_Charlie Bradbury: Duh_

_Charlie Bradbury: Are you? Please say yes. Jo and I bought an adorable Han Solo onesie for Ben to wear to the party._

_Dean Winchester: Yeah we’ll be there. Haha oh god, where did you get that? And does it come in adult sizes?_

_Charlie Bradbury: OHMYGOD THAT IS THE BEST IDEA I’VE EVER HEARD I’M ON IT. LOOKING FOR MATCHING HAN SOLO ADULT ONESIE NOW._

_Dean Winchester: Haha if you find one, you and Jo can come over for dinner tomorrow night and I’ll make anything your geeky heart desires_

Dean was on his way home after picking up Ben when her response came. He waited until he was home to look at the message, and when he opened it, he laughed and shook his head. There was a picture attachment of a screenshot of an online receipt for an adult sized Han Solo onesie, and another attachment of a picture of the onesie itself.

_Dean Winchester: Nice work. So tell me what you want for dinner and be here by 7:00 tomorrow night_

_Charlie Bradbury: Oooooh make that weird quinoa fish thing Sarah asked you to make when we were at Sam’s place! That shit was good_

_Dean Winchester: Haha quinoa fish thing it is then, although I could make you real food, like a steak…_

_Charlie Bradbury: Shut it Winchester. The Queen of Moondoor demands her handmaiden prepare the weird quinoa thing._

Dean laughed at her reference to their roles when he used to LARP with her. She never let it go, even when he became too busy to indulge in the occasional LARP weekend.

_Dean Winchester: Your wish is my command, my queen. Let me know if Jo wants me to make her something else._

_Charlie Bradbury: My girlfriend is currently keeping away from the fried meats, if that is what you’re getting at. She has a marathon coming up…crazy lady…_

_Dean Winchester: Oh I think Sam is doing that with her, too. Sarah was complaining to me about him stocking the house with his runner rabbit food._

They continued their conversation as Dean and Ben went through their evening routine. They had a dinner of brown rice, baked chicken and roasted vegetables. Ben let Dean cut his food into small pieces before he ate. Ben had stopped sitting in his highchair a week ago, insisting he sat at the table with Dean, so he went out and bought his son a booster chair to attach to the dining chair so that he could reach the top of the table when he ate. He watched Claire grow up through his years of friendship with Jimmy before he had Ben, but still, watching Ben change and grow every day was something entirely different and special on its own.

After dinner, he and Ben showered to get ready for bed. Dean had his shower remodeled to accommodate for Ben. He had it expanded and added three large flat head spouts directly overhead, two extendable showerheads on opposite sides of the shower walls, and two benches, one taller than the other, for Ben to sit while Dean washed them both. He admitted he may have taken the opportunity to indulge himself a little with his shower, but he had the money, and he had the reason so he went with it.

He dried his son off and dressed him in the Power Ranger onesie Ben chose, and pulled on a pair of boxers and pajama pants for himself. Then he held Ben in his arms in their bedroom and bobbed him as he walked around the room, singing to him.

“ _Hey Jude, don’t make it bad_

_Take a sad song, and make it better._

_Remember, to let her into your heart_

_Then you can start to make it better.”_

Ben was fast asleep in no time and Dean softly laid him in his crib and pulled his blanket around him, kissing his forehead before leaving the room to watch tv and get some extra work done until he fell asleep, too.

Dean was happy with his life. He loved his job. He loved his friends. He loved his son. What more could a man want?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait to post, since I already had this chapter written.  
> I love how clearly different Misha looks when he plays Cas and when he plays Jimmy, so it only makes sense that Dean can see the difference when he looks at them. Anywho, enjoy and let me know what you think!

The next day, after he got off work, Dean went and picked up Ben from Sam and Sarah’s and took him grocery shopping to prepare for their dinner with Charlie and Jo. He had already marinated the fish that morning and had been letting it sit all day, so all he had to do was buy the few things he didn’t have already that he needed. Ben loved going grocery shopping. He would always pick off leaves of kale and chew on them while they walked around the store, much to Dean’s simultaneous pride and disdain. On one hand he was happy he didn’t have to force the kid to eat his vegetables and be healthy, but at the same time, no child of his was going to have a diet solely of Sam’s rabbit food.

The grocery store was rather busy, so the lines were quite long by the time they had collected everything they needed. Ben was bouncing in his seat, indicating to Dean he wanted to get out, so he let him down to stand by the cart. He was barefoot, but he came to this grocery store so often, the workers recognized Ben and stopped giving Dean looks like he was a horrible father and started looking at Ben like the pitter patter of his bare feet on the floor was the sweetest sound they ever heard.

Before he realized his son was running away from him, Ben was wobbling away giggling with his arms out. When Dean turned around, his eyes immediately met the bluest pair of irises he had ever seen, and the most adorable head of dark sex hair he’d ever seen. _Wait, did I just call his sex hair adorable?_ Dean thought. He was looking at the face of Jimmy Novak and he had an internal moment of crisis at somehow, even after knowing him for several years, thinking he was the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. Ben was in his arms, holding his face babbling away, and Dean had to clear his mind because the sight before him was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. The man was smiling at Ben, looking slightly confused, before he stepped towards Dean.

“Your son is quite the charmer.”

The deep baritone was not Jimmy’s voice… and then it clicked. Jimmy’s infamously mysterious twin brother. _Ohthankgod it’s not Jimmy, everything is ok._

“Castiel?” He drew out the name, unsure if he was remembering right.

The man looked surprised and cocked his head to the side, furrowing his brows and _ohmygod could he get any cuter_.

“I’m sorry, have we had the pleasure of meeting before?”

_Pleasure, huh? No Dean stop, what the Hell, man?_

“Oh uhh no, I’m Dean Winchester. I’m friends with your brothers, Jimmy and Gabe. We went to college together.”

It was as if a light came on in the other man’s head and he gave the slightest of smiles, and extended his hand.

“Pleasure to finally meet the so celebrated Dean.”

_Oh I’ll show you pleasure. SHUT THE HELL UP DEAN COME ON MAN._

Dean took Castiel’s extended hand and shook it, praying to everything good and holy that his palm wasn’t sweaty.

“I think Ben thought you were Jimmy, sorry about that. He loves your brother.” Castiel let Dean take Ben back, but kept smiling at the child.

“Don’t apologize, he is a very sweet child. You clearly raise him very well. His mother would be very proud of you both.”

There was a brief moment of shock over how this man could know about Lisa, but he realized his brothers had probably told him. “Oh, yeah, thanks man, I do my best. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I’m lucky.”

He had been so engulfed in the man in front of him who somehow looked nothing like his identical twin, that he hadn’t realized the cashier had rang up all his groceries.

“Sir? That’ll be $40.87…”

“Oh right, yeah, sorry,” Dean fumbled getting his card out and swiped to pay, and fumbled more to get Ben in the seat of the cart to get going. “Hey so uhh, good to meet you, Cas.” He didn’t even wait for a response before he sped out. _What is wrong with you Winchester? Real smooth talking…_ He grumbled to himself the whole way home over his completely, uncharacteristic flustered behavior around his friend’s brother.

Charlie and Jo were punctual as usual, arriving exactly at 7:00. He let them in and gave them both enthusiastic hugs. Charlie handed him two packages and he raised his eyebrows at her.

“There is no way these are the onesies. You ordered mine yesterday, you couldn’t have gotten it already!”

“Psh, loser, I get things when I want. You think I wait for normal shipping, like some sort of peasant?” Charlie scoffed playfully.

“But how?”

“I have my ways.” Charlie wiggled her eyebrows mischievously and Jo laughed, wrapping her arms around her very pleased girlfriend.

“She’s diabolical when it comes to getting what she wants, Winchester, you should already know that.” Jo winked at him. Charlie and Jo met when he brought her with him to Thanksgiving dinner at Ellen and Bobby’s their junior year of college. Jo was home for the holiday as well and as soon as Charlie laid eyes on her, she was plotting to Dean about how she would woo her, even trying to conspire with Jo’s parents. Ellen just laughed and told her she could be of no help with her stubborn daughter and Bobby just said something about getting more beer. The girls had been a couple ever since that Thanksgiving.

The four of them sat around the table, and Dean cut Ben’s fish into smaller bite sized pieces before digging into his own plate.

“Mmm Dean, you have outdone yourself, this is better than I remember.” The girls praised his cooking in between bites, not stopping until their plates were clean.

“Help yourselves to more, Lord knows when the last time is you two had a proper home cooked meal.” It was true, neither had ever been very good cooks. Jo was the more competent out of the two but she couldn’t make any elaborate dishes like Dean. He was the best cook in the group, and the other’s often delegated cooking the harder things to him. He didn’t mind, he enjoyed it, cooking being one of the few memories he had of the things he did with his mom before she died.

“God, Dean you’d make the best husband ever, good with kids, good in the kitchen,” Charlie paused to look at her girlfriend and giggle, “probably good in bed,”

Dean look at her wide eyed when his thoughts immediately went to the man from the grocery store.

“Oh my god, is Dean fuc-“Jo paused, looking at Ben, “flipping Winchester embarrassed? Have you met someone?? Is there something we don’t know?”

“No, no, oh gosh no. You know I don’t have time for that, between Ben and work and finding time for the band, there’s no way I could make room in my life, you know,” Dean continued to mumble, unable to push the deep blue eyes from his mind, or the chapped, full pink lips, the way they looked when he smiled…

“Ok, quit the faraway look in your eyes, handmaiden, and spill the beans!”

Dean sighed and gave in under their persistence, telling them about his meeting with Castiel at the grocery store. He left out the details about how incredibly hot their friend’s twin was, but he did mention how they looked different and the same at the same time, how they were very easily distinguishable. They couple looked at him with amused looks on their faces as they listened to Dean ramble on about what an idiot he made himself look like and how cute it was to see Ben run into his arms and how much it said about him as a person that he was so good with Ben even though he didn’t know him.

“It is so weird how after being friends with Jimmy and Gabe for all these years we’ve never actually met Castiel. Like, ever. No holiday visits, nothing.” Charlie mused.

“Yeah I don’t know, I mean, I know Jimmy told me Cas is a writer and he liked to travel for research purposes or something.” Dean tried to remember everything he had ever been told about the elusive twin. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in his friend’s family member before meeting him, it was just that he seemed like just a concept to him, not an actual person he would ever meet.

“Ooh _Cas_ , huh? Already on a cozy nickname basis, are we?” The two girls giggled at the blush that took over his face and that sent Ben into an enthusiastic round off clapping and squealing, to everyone’s amusement. “And it would seem he’s good with Ben, so since you like him, why not ask him out? We’ll totally babysit for you!! Oh my gosh if he’s at the party you can ask him then!”

“Guys, come on, I barely know the man! And plus, who’s to say he isn’t going to just up and leave for another decade or whatever? He clearly isn’t the ‘settle down’ kinda type so just leave it, there would be no point…And, I also completely forgot to ask if he would be there.”

“Hmm you’ve clearly given this a lot more thought than someone who would be disinterested in their friend’s brother, and also what an idiot.” There was more laughing and suggestive winking at Dean’s expense and he just covered his face with his hands, trying to hide his burning face from the people around his table. He replayed the conversation at the grocery store and remembered Castiel mentioning Lisa being proud of them. _Lisa_.

“No you guys, I really can’t, not him or anyone. I have Ben, he’s my priority. I have to focus on raising my son, I can’t go all schoolgirl over cute guys I meet at the grocery store…”

Charlie and Jo exchanged looks and put their hands over Dean’s.

“Ok, ok yeah we get it hun. We totally get it. Just, don’t deny yourself happiness because you think it’ll take away from Ben. Single parents get married all the time.”

Once the moment dissipated, the conversation diverted to Ben and how fast he was growing and all the usual talk that revolved around him. This was a relief to Dean, he could talk about his son endlessly, he loved him so much.

_Take care of him, love him_. Lisa’s words flashed in his mind, and he almost felt guilty for even entertaining the idea of letting someone else in his life. For the rest of dinner, Lisa weighed down on him and he was relieved when Charlie and Jo left so Dean could get Ben to bed.

“Good night Dean, take care pal, we’ll see you at the party!” They each kissed him on the cheek and gave him a warm hug before leaving.

That night after showering and getting dressed, Dean was holding Ben, singing, putting him to sleep.

_“When the night has come_   
_And the land is dark_   
_And the moon is the only light we'll see_   
_No I won't be afraid_   
_Oh, I won't be afraid_   
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me.”_

He couldn’t help the tears that escaped his eyes as he sang, thinking of Lisa, of wishing she could see how sweet her son was growing to be, how much he looked like her, how he smiled exactly like she did. His mind went to when he went to her apartment to clean it out and he found the empty pill bottle and the bottle of liquor, and the pocket knife, all shoved under her bed. She was never one to half ass anything, and the knowledge crushed Dean entirely. The knowledge of how determined she was to make sure she was successful in taking her life broke everything inside Dean. He had sat in her bedroom that day, crying into her pillow and holding the green sweater he had last seen her in to his face. He kept wondering if there was something wrong with him, if there was a god that was punishing him and taking away all the people he loved. He cried that day, thinking of his dead parents and how he used to think that he had suffered enough loss for a lifetime and then he lost Lisa, too. He was sure that if there was a god, it was a cruel one.

That was, until he held Ben when he found out he was going to be the one to raise him. Every awful thought left his mind and he was so absorbed in the feeling of responsibility, purpose.

Ben pulled Dean out of his head when he pulled his face away from his daddy’s shoulder and looked into his tear streaked face. Dean had read somewhere that babies are much more perceptive to emotion than we think and are more in tune to feelings than most adults. He didn’t know about other babies, but he believed it was entirely true about his son. At that moment, it was as if Ben was saying, _don’t cry Daddy, I love you._ He had both small hands pressed softly on either side of Dean’s face, holding his gaze, slightly squeezing his cheekbones. Then he pulled Dean into something of a hug, wrapping his arms around his daddy’s neck and burying his head back into his shoulder, babbling nonsense that was somehow very coherently words of comfort to Dean.

_“If the sky that we look upon_   
_Should tumble and fall_   
_Or the mountain should crumble to the sea_   
_I won't cry, I won't cry_   
_No, I won't shed a tear_   
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me.”_

He continued walking around his dimly lit bedroom, singing until the child in his arms was sound asleep, breathing deeply in his ear. Dean made sure he was snug in his crib and then went and laid down in his own bed, reaching into the nightstand drawer to pull out Lisa’s letter. He read it over and over again. And then zeroed in on one of the final lines.

_Take care of yourself. Be happy Dean._

He was happy. He was very happy with his life, but somehow the raven haired man with blue eyes made him feel like there could be something more for Dean, like life could bestow one more happiness on him that he thought he wouldn’t get. And it wasn’t like he had been upset about thinking he would always be single. He was more than willing to make the trade of raising this beautiful child on his own and finding a partner. He had never really met anyone anyway.

Yet somehow, this almost total stranger was making Dean hope. They were ridiculous hopes about coffee and car rides, but they were hopes nonetheless.

He fell into a peaceful sleep that night, dreaming of blue eyes and sex hair. Lots and lots of sex.


	4. Castiel's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to throw in a couple chapters every so often of Castiel's point of view.  
> Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Castiel felt a strange pang of apprehension. He was about to see his brothers for the first time in… he couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen them. It was the year he and Jimmy graduated high school. Jimmy was going off to college like he was supposed to and Castiel had his plans set in stone to travel the world and write his books before he was doomed to a life of sedentary monotony. Gabriel was already in college at the time, but he saw him before he left.

Now he was coming back, with a potential best-selling book, according to his publisher, and a lot of heart ache. He had left the last village he was staying it with a heavy heart. He did not intend to stay in one place for so long but he was enchanted with the people, especially one particular hazel-eyed little girl who wouldn’t let him leave. Castiel thought back to exactly how long he had been there. The time had passed him without even noticing, and he would probably still be there if…

No.

Anyway. He was starting the beginning of the rest of his boring life. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to do. Maybe he could make a career out of writing, seeing as he didn’t have a degree or anything. But the chances for that were slim. He wasn’t keen on the idea of going back to school, the strict confines of institutions and mandated structures of living were what he was getting away from when he left to see the world for his books. He would figure it out eventually. If his publisher was right and the book he sent them _was_ indeed a best seller, then he could carry on publishing more of the books he was writing.

He reached the end of the escalator and proceeded to luggage claim. He watched the bags go around the carousel, over and over again. He looked at the people around him, absorbed in their phones, in continuously checking the time, pacing impatiently. _What a boring life you all must lead._

When his luggage finally came around, he lifted it off the carousel and rolled it with him towards the arrival gates, knowing that Gabriel and Jimmy said they would be there to welcome him. He was going to stay with Jimmy until he could arrange to have his own apartment. He already knew Amelia, and she was more than willing to let her brother-in-law stay with them. They grew up with Amelia. She was their neighbor and one of Castiel’s first friends. She was quiet and thoughtful like him, and it was always a wonder to him at how well she and Jimmy fit together, until it hit him that it was probably for the same reasons he and his brother got along so well. Jimmy and Amelia were childhood sweethearts and Castiel wasn’t surprised when he opened his emails one day to see the message his brother sent him announcing the happy news. He debated on coming but ultimately decided not to, knowing that if he went back, that his travelling would have been over. So he sent his warm congratulations and regards through email and apologized profusely for not being in attendance. The happy couple understood, having known him all their lives and told him not to worry. He did get them a wedding present however, as well as a present for their daughter when he found out about Claire’s birth. For the couple, he brought a minimalistic silver wrought statuette of the Hindu symbols of eternal love, Krishna and Radha. He came across it in a small shop in India and it caught his eye immediately, standing out from the other typically very ornate, colorful and elaborately designed statues of the lovers. For Claire he bought a thin silver bracelet, decorated only with a simple _hamsa_ with a turquoise eye in the center. He bought the trinket in Turkey when he learned that the _hamsa_ was a symbol of the hand of God and that the wearer was protected from the evil eye.

Castiel walked towards the doors, hoping to see a familiar face. He didn’t have a phone yet and he didn’t know his brothers’ numbers, so he couldn’t call them, so he just stood there, waiting.

“Cassie!”

Castiel smiled at hearing his older brother’s familiar voice and turned to see his two brothers.

He reached out to shake their hands but they were having none of that, and they both wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Good to see you Castiel,”

“Good to see you to Jimmy, where is your family?”

“Oh they’re at the bathroom, Claire said it was an emergency, but I’m pretty sure she just wanted to see more of the airport.” Jimmy and Gabriel laughed fondly at the child’s curiosity.

“The years have not been kind to you Gabriel,” Castiel joked and his brothers’ eyes went wide and they exchanged a look before doubling over, laughing.

“Good God Cassie we were so afraid you would come back with no sense of humor!”

“Papa there was a guy over there with a beard down to his belly button!”

Castiel looked down to where a little girl was standing in an ensemble of black and yellow striped tights, a black, grey and red tutu, and a T shirt with a picture of Darth Vader on a backdrop of the Imperial flag, saying _The Empire Wants YOU_. Her blonde hair was done up in braided pigtails and her blue eyes were wide with excitement when she looked at her papa’s twin.

She pranced over the where Castiel was standing and saluted him.

“I am Darth Claire of house Novak, first of her name, you killed my father, prepare to die.”

Gabriel was clutching his stomach at how hard he was laughing at the completely surprised look on Castiel’s face. This was not what he expected of his brother’s child. Not at all. She was full of more life than anyone, and her blue eyes and blonde braids reminded him of another pair of hazel eyes and honey colored locks…

No.

Claire maintained her salutary stance and looked at her uncle expectantly, waiting for him to return her greeting. He did the first thing he thought to do and put up the Vulcan greeting with his hands and looked her straight in the eye. “I am Master Castiel of clan Novak of the woods of Rivendell. May the Force be with you.”

The little girl broke character and bounced over to her blue eyed uncle and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It is very good to meet you Master Castiel. We are going to be very good friends.”

Jimmy was beaming at his daughter and Amelia had the same quiet look of happiness on her face Castiel remembered from so many years ago. He gave his sister-in-law a hug. “Good to see you Amelia.”

“It is good to see you, too Castiel. Now let’s get home, I’m sure you’re hungry.”

The whole car ride to Jimmy’s home, Castiel spoke to Claire about his travels. She listened intently with wide eyes, asking questions about every little thing her uncle said. She was so fascinated and it charmed him to no end. _Perhaps this will not be so bad._

“Master Castiel, my birthday party is on Saturday. Can you tell a story at my party to all my friends? Please?”

The doe eyed look she gave him was absolutely diabolical. How could he say no?

“Of course Darth Claire, I would be honored.”

When they arrived at the Novak residence, they all ate and caught each other up. Castiel had always been close with his brothers, but he was afraid too much time had passed between them to retain the relationship, even though they kept in touch through email whenever Castiel could get internet access. He was so relieved when they fell into easy, happy conversation, as if they had been doing it their whole lives. Their talking carried long into the evening and Claire had fallen asleep in her papa’s lap, refusing to go to her room at her bedtime so she wouldn’t miss anything her family said.

“Your daughter is extraordinary.”

Jimmy smiled at his little girl and pushed a loose strand of hair from her face fondly. “Yes she is, she is our blessing. Honestly Castiel, I know parents brag about their kids being the best, but I have seen other kids and none have ever seemed to be able to spread a smile like Claire. Except for maybe our friend Dean’s son, Ben. That kid could make anyone do just about anything.”

Castiel knew all about Dean from his brother’s emails. They talked about him often, seeing as he was a close friend of the whole family. A very interesting mural had been painted of Dean’s character. He enjoyed hearing about him and his adopted son. He didn’t know all the details of the adoption, only that Dean was a friend of the mother’s and he took in the child when she passed away.

 “So, Cassie did you meet any fair maidens or gallant knights to give your heart to in your lands far away?” Gabriel winked at his younger brother. “Any adventures with the stable boys on steamy nights? Exploits with a sheik’s daughter? Exotic orgies?”

Jimmy was trying hard not to laugh too hard to avoid waking his daughter.

“Hold on, I’m going to get her to bed, pause the conversation, I want to hear this.”

Amelia was laughing but gave Gabriel a chastising look.

Jimmy was running down the stairs and resumed his position on the couch with his wife. “Ok, go.”

Castiel turned the slightest shade of red. “No, I did not have any such experiences. I was somewhat taken in by a family while I was in northern Afghanistan. They had a daughter,” he gave a pointed look at Gabriel before his brother could say anything,” she was around Claire’s age. I stayed with them for the longest time. But no, no ravaging orgies.”

Gabriel looked somewhat disappointed. “So all these years and you’re telling me you never had anyone? Nada? Nothing?”

“No, I never had occasion.”

His brothers and sister-in-law traded looks and smiled before Gabriel spoke again.

“How do you feel about green eyes and chiseled abs?”

Castiel cocked his head to the side, missing the point of the question. “Umm, both are socially deemed as attractive features, but-“

“Oh Cassie my boy, you are in for a treat this Saturday!”

He still didn’t understand how any of what his family continued to say was of any import, so he just listened quietly for the rest of the evening to their conversations that eventually strayed off to party planning. Once Gabriel left, Castiel declared he was tired and Amelia showed him to the guest room. He thanked his brother and sister-in-law and retired to bed. It was softer than what he was used to sleeping on and when he couldn’t get comfortable, he spread out a blanket on the floor and fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.

The next day he offered Amelia to go to the grocery store for her, to get used to city life again, readjust to the mechanics of daily living. She agreed and gave him a list of what she needed and gave him the keys to her car.

Navigating through the store was easy enough, he had maneuvered and bargained his way through bazaars more crowded than this. Once he had found everything on the shopping list, he went to stand in line. Suddenly there was a small child, no older than 2 years old, with dark hair and big dark eyes giggling and waddling towards him as fast as his bow legs could carry him. The baby ran straight at him and motioned to him, as if asking to be picked up. The child was barefooted and he broke out into a large smile. He once knew a little girl that refused to wear shoes and demanded he carry her…

No.

The baby in his arms was babbling at him and he was confused at how the child could be so warm towards a stranger. And then he looked up and locked his gaze with the most poetic shade of green eyes he had ever seen. The man’s eyes were the stuff of epic ballads, the kind of eyes that inspired wars, and his lips were no less. They had a natural soft pout to them, lips only fictional characters were capable of having. He was broad shouldered and his chiseled jaw was shaded with the slightest amount of stubble. His honey colored hair was cut short and as he took in the beautiful man standing in front of him he realized _this man is the embodiment of every fantasy I’ve ever had_.

He broke out of his trance and walked over to the man to give him back his child.

“Your son is quite the charmer.”

The man seemed to be taken aback for a moment and he parted his lips. _I wonder how he would look with his lips wrapped around my- No. Stop. What are you doing._

“Castiel?” The man drew out his name a long, as if forming a question.

_This must be a dream. He knows my name. I’m dreaming, who is he?_

 “I’m sorry, have we had the pleasure of meeting before?”

_What other pleasures have we had before? NO CASTIEL. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM._

“Oh uhh no, I’m Dean Winchester. I’m friends with your brothers, Jimmy and Gabe. We went to college together.”

This was Dean. This was the face behind the stories. This was the man who took in the child and gave up any of his own dreams to care for his friend’s orphaned child. This was the man in all his righteous glory.

“Pleasure to finally meet the so celebrated Dean.” He tried to keep his voice steady.

_Yes, show me the pleasures of getting to-. SHUT THE HELL UP CASTIEL._

Dean took Castiel’s extended hand and shook it, and he prayed that he wasn’t shaking or sweating.

“I think Ben thought you were Jimmy, sorry about that. He loves your brother.” Castiel let Dean take Ben back, but kept smiling at the child.

“Don’t apologize, he is a very sweet child. You clearly raise him very well. His mother would be very proud of you both.” _Shit. Am I allowed to know about that? Damn it, he’s going to think I’m intrusive and rude, oh god._

 “Oh, yeah, thanks man, I do my best. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I’m lucky.” The green eyes just smiled at him to Castiel’s relief. _Ok, smiling, good sign._

He had been so engulfed in the man in front of him, the sudden voice of the cashier came out as the most grating sound he had ever heard. _Damn you…_ he looked at her obnoxious name tag. _Damn you to Hell Cindy._

“Sir? That’ll be $40.87…”

“Oh right, yeah, sorry,” Dean swiped his card in one smooth motion and gathered up Ben to head out. “Hey so uhh, good to meet you, Cas.” He strode out of the grocery store before Castiel could reply. _He probably thinks you’re a grade A ass, wonderful. The most beautiful man in all of existence, thinks you’re a child snatching, nosy prick. Congratulations._

He paid for the groceries and fumed over his behavior all the way home, imagining every different way that could have gone. He didn’t even ask if he would see him Saturday. Or ever. Again.

He told his brother and sister-in-law about his meeting with Dean during dinner that evening and Claire nodded along.

“Master Castiel, don’t worry, Dean doesn’t hate you, I’m sure he likes you, too.”

Jimmy covered his mouth to keep from spitting his food out when he started laughing and Amelia just covered her face, shaking.

“I didn’t say I like him! And, I…I don’t _care_ …I mean, it makes no difference to me what the opinion of one man is,” Castiel fumbled with his words but his incredible perceptive and mature niece saw right through him.

“Don’t kid yourself Master Castiel, you are obviously smited.”

Castiel’s eyes went wide again. “Smited…?”

“No honey, you mean _smitten._ Your uncle is smitten with Dean.” Amelia corrected gleefully.

Dinner continued with their good natured jokes and even as Castiel washed dishes, the teasing did not relent.

He went to sleep that night the same as the night before, wrapped in a blanket on the floor, but when he finally fell asleep, he dreamt only of green eyes and soft pouty lips. And all the interesting things those lips could do.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual frustration is frustrating.

Dean woke up Saturday morning at 5:50 as per their usual routine and ate breakfast with Ben while they listened to music. Ben had pulled out a record from Dean’s shelf of vinyls and presented it to his daddy to play. Dean raised his eyebrow because Ben had never done this before. Dean usually just played music from his phone through the large Bluetooth speakers but he was not about to deny his son the majestic sound of Van Halen. So he put the record on and smiled at his son.

“Good choice buddy.”

“ _I got no love, no love you’d call real_

_Ain’t got nobody waiting at home_

_Runnin’ with the devil.”_

Dean sang along but stopped, the lyrics making his mind stray to a certain blue eyed man he may or may not have had several R-rated dreams about the night before, and every night since he met him. They weren’t very vivid but they were enough to fuel a private relief of morning wood, or two, or three.

He was finally going to see him again today and the excitement made him feel like a little kid.

After breakfast, he and Ben played in the living room while Dean had some educational show Sam suggested playing in the background. Ben would build up a tower of blocks and wait for Dean to stack it up taller than him, and then the child would tackle the structure down. They continued this until Ben wore himself out and took a nap on the couch. Dean took this opportunity to get ahead on some work so that he could stay as long as Ben wanted at Claire’s party. Claire adored Ben and Ben couldn’t get enough of Claire. It made Dean happy at how everyone in his life seemed to just fit together seamlessly. He never had a conflict of interest. All the friends he had grown to call family loved each other and it made balancing out his relationships to them very easy.

_Relationship._

Dean’s train of thought was thankfully interrupted by a text.

_Chuck Shurley: Hey Dean! I wanted to see if you were available tomorrow afternoon to practice our set for the show next Saturday. Gabe and Kevin already agreed, so let me know!_

Chuck Shurley and Kevin Tran were part of Gabe’s and Dean’s band. Chuck played guitar, Gabe was on bass, Kevin was their drummer, and Dean was the lead singer, although they all did a bit of singing and Dean played guitar for any songs they decided Chuck would sing. They called themselves the Four Cheese, one drunken night and the next day, even in their sober states, they decided to keep the name. They played shows at bars once or twice a month and had a pretty good local following. They mostly did covers but Dean dabbled in a bit of his own songwriting and the band was great at picking up new material. Amelia didn’t particularly enjoy going to bars or anywhere with large crowds of drunk people so she volunteered to watched Ben when Dean did his shows. All of his friends always came out to see the band play and being on stage was a kind of high for Dean. He loved singing, he loved playing guitar and he loved making people smile. Performing with his band accomplished all three.

He thought to himself for a moment before responding. They usually had practice in Chuck’s garage and Chuck had broken up with his girlfriend Becky who used to watch Ben while they rehearsed. Personally, Dean was relieved when his friend told him about his break up. That Becky chick had crazy eyes, like the girl on _Orange is the New Black_ , and she was a little creepy. Like in the obsessive, possessive, ‘poke-a-hole-in-your-condoms-to-force-you-together-forever’ kind of creepy. And she had a creepy, unspoken, but obvious thing for Sam. Sarah, being the woman she was, would egg Becky on, just to watch her husband squirm. She said it was a shame and that she would have to find another way to torture the moose she married. Dean didn’t doubt her capabilities. But good riddance.

He wondered if Sarah could watch Ben while he practiced.

_Dean Winchester: Hey Sarah! Are you busy tomorrow?_

_Sarah Blake-Winchester: Yeah Sam and I are going to one of his stupid luncheons. If you have an excuse for me to escape, SOS please_

_Dean Winchester: Haha no way, I’m not letting you out of that when you made me go to that stupid convention with him. So never mind, enjoy the hors d’oeuvres sister!_

She simply sent a middle finger emoji.

Maybe Charlie and Jo could watch him?

_Dean Winchester: Hey Jo, are you or Charlie busy tomorrow afternoon?_

_Jo Harvelle: Veryyyyyyy_

_Dean Winchester: Umm…do I even want to know?_

_Jo Harelle: Probably not, old man (;_

_Dean Winchester: Gross._

_Jo Harvelle: Why?_

_Dean Winchester: Haha don’t worry about it, I got it. You guys have fun_

Amelia was his last shot…

_Dean Winchester: Hey Amelia! Sorry to bother you, I know you’re probably busy getting ready for the party, but is there any way you could watch Ben tomorrow afternoon?_

_Amelia Novak: No I’m so sorry, we are going to my parent’s house tomorrow_

Dean stared at his phone. He supposed he could give Ben ear plugs so the sound system wouldn’t hurt his ears, and he could-

_Amelia Novak: Castiel is available to watch Ben, if you’d be comfortable with that._

_Dean Winchester: Awesome! Thank you so much!_

_Amelia Novak: Of course. You can discuss with him at the party. See you soon!_

Dean was relieved. Now he could go practice and not worry about Ben, and everything was fine. Except that Castiel was going to be in his house. Caring for his son. Sitting on his couch. Walking on his floors. Which was totally fine. No biggie. Castiel was just a normal person. Who also happened to be the most beautiful man alive. Or ever. Who, according to his dreams, could work magic with his tongue. _Can it, Winchester. You don’t even know him. No more sex fantasies about your friend’s brother._

_Dean Winchester: Hey Chuck! Yeah I’ll see you guys tomorrow afternoon!_

Ben woke up from his nap at 12:30, so Dean got them both showered and dressed in the matching onesies Charlie had bought them. Ben was absolutely adorable, and he clearly loved it. They were complete with a holster and gun, and the hood resembled Han’s hair. Dean took a look at himself in the mirror. He tried fixing his hair in various ways and spent more time on his appearance than he would have been proud to admit. He brought out the present he had ordered for Claire. It was a kit for her to build and design her own rocket ship. The label said it was for children aged 14+, but Claire was a genius. At 6 years old she was probably a lot brighter than most 14 year olds.

When he got to the Novak house, he let Ben ring the doorbell and Claire came to the door. She was dressed in an orange space jumpsuit with a white tutu. Her hair was done up in two side buns like Princess Leia’s signature look and she had a tiara fixed between the buns.

“Hi Deeeeeeeeeeeaann! Hi Ben!” Claire squealed and wrapped her arms around Dean’s waist and reached up so he would lower Ben to her face so she could kiss him. The living room had been rearranged so that the furniture was cramped together in one corner and there was open space in the center. There were glittering stars hanging everywhere and rainbow streamers on every surface. He put Ben down so that he could waddle around and play with Claire and the other kids. He didn’t have to worry about him when she was around, Claire went into full mama bear mode when it came to Ben. Once a kid ran into him on accident, knocking him down, and Claire had to explain to the kid’s parents why she punched him in the nose.

Jimmy and Amelia came to greet Dean and he handed Amelia the present to set in the pile of gifts steadily building up. Jimmy was wearing a Marvin the Paranoid Robot costume and Amelia was wearing a shirt that had _42: The an_ _swer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything_ written on the front, and a red and blue tutu with jeans. Claire was capable of making empires fall, getting her parents do wear geeky costumes and outfits for her birthday was nothing. 

“Beer?”

“Oh yeah thanks, man.” Dean took the bottle from Jimmy’s hand and scanned the room as well as the back yard with an intent look in his eyes.

“So, you met Castiel, huh?”

Dean’s search was abruptly interrupted by the question.

“Oh uhh, yeah ran into him at the store. I thought it was you for a second, but dude, you guys kind of look completely different.” Dean left out the details of exactly how different they looked, thinking it was best he keep his sexual escapades he had with his twin in dreamland to himself.

“And? What did you think?”

“Umm, I mean I barely had a real conversation with the guy. Seems nice enough, I mean, I don’t know,”

Just then Gabriel appeared next to Dean, beer and lollipop in hand. “Hey Dean-o, how’s it going buddy? Heard you met our Cassie.”

“Uhh yeah,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to make it such a big deal that yes, he had finally met the tall dark and handsome brother, and yes he liked him, but no, it didn’t matter.

“So? Whatcha think of our baby brother?”

“Bite, me Gabe! What the hell does it matter, yeah he’s cool, whatever.”

“Hello, Dean.”

Even though he had only heard it once before, the deep baritone felt so familiar, comforting. He turned towards the source of the voice and tried his best to control his voice and come up with a clever reply to make the man in front of him laugh or at least smile. _Come on Dean don’t blow it, I mean yeah blow him but not- fuck it._

“Heya Cas!”

He was dressed as the sexiest Spock Dean had ever seen, complete with Vulcan ears and an attempt at getting the eyebrows right. The blue shirt he was wearing really brought out his eyes and the black pants were just this side of sinful, outlining the perfect curve of his ass and showing off his strong thighs in just the right way. It was clear that attempts were made at taming the unruly hair but it somehow maintained its overall look of going through several rounds of intense fucking.

He could tell Cas was eyeing him as well and he suddenly became very aware of the ridiculous adult onesie he was dressed in. The look on Cas’ face made him feel less ridiculous and more…adorable actually. He was clearly trying to fight a smile, and failing. His head was cocked to the side ever so slightly and his eyes kept raking over Dean’s body.

_Like what you see, big boy?_

Cas’ gaze flitted immediately to Dean’s almost as if he had been able to hear his thoughts. Dean looked around nervously to see if anyone else had heard him, if he had actually accidentally said it out loud, but everyone else seemed unaware. He looked back at the man who had a curious smile on his face and searched his expression for anything to indicate his thoughts.

_What the hell does that smile mean? Does he think I’m like little kid, ‘pat on the head’ cute or like ‘let me get a piece of that’ cute? Or does he just think I look funny? Oh god why did I let Charlie talk me into wearing this. I mean, Hell it’s comfortable but why couldn’t I have been a sexy Captain Kirk?_

“What’s up bitches?”

_Speak of the devil herself…_

Charlie and Jo pranced in to join the men in the living room. Jo was dressed as Princess Leia from episode four, with a white gown and signature side buns, and Charlie was dressed as Princess Leia from episode six when she was on Endor, hair done up in a neat crown braid, camouflage poncho, boots, blaster and all. Their expressions were so happy when they saw Dean wearing their gift and they looked even happier when they saw Castiel and Dean fucking each other with their eyes.

“Your outfits are very nice, very well put together.” Castiel said to the pair and extended his hand. “My name is Castiel, as you could deduce, I am Jimmy’s twin.”

The girls ignored his outreached hand and hugged him tight. “I’m Charlie, this is Jo, and I think we just became best friends.”

Sam and Sarah were the last to arrive, apologizing, complaining about traffic. Dean knew better and grinned, pulling his brother aside.

“Hey Sammy, maybe next time _shower_ after you and the missus bump uglies before a kid’s party, instead of trying to cover up the stink of sex with cologne.”

Sam’s face turned beet red. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Once everyone who had RSVPed arrived, it was time to cut the cake. Claire made a grand entrance into the living room on Gabriel’s shoulders. She was smiling down on everyone doing a princess wave and quoting Neil Armstrong.

“One small step for uncle Gabe, on giant leap for Princess Darth Claire.” There was not a single person in the room who wasn’t grinning ear to ear at the birthday girl’s characteristic oddities. Dean caught a glance of Castiel for a moment and was somewhat shocked, but also unsurprised to see him smiling affectionately at his niece. He hadn’t known her for very long, but he still smiled at her like the world was at her feet. It was testimony to not only Claire’s ability to inspire love, but also Castiel’s willingness to love. It was a warm thought for Dean.

Claire had a cake that was shaped like Wall-E. Gabriel had put candles from the prank shop on her cake so that she couldn’t completely blow them all out and they kept relighting on their own. It was amusing to find her get frustrated with the candles, blowing as hard as she could. She reached for Castiel and looked at him, making her eyes as big as she could.

“Does this mean I won’t get my wish?”

Castiel clearly looked heartbroken at her words and he shook his head quickly. “No of course not. You just have to close your eyes and think really hard as you blow out each candle.” She complied and with her eyes closed as she put her face close to blow out each candle, Castiel put the flames out _with his fingers_ _holy shit_. He just rubbed each wick with his thumb and forefinger and smiled back at the little girl when she threw her arms around him thanking him.

_What else can those fingers do? God, stop Dean, you’re in public…_

His thoughts were getting ridiculous, he needed to get his shit together. While everyone was eating cake, Sam, Dean and Charlie stood together eating cake, leaning against the wall.

“So Castiel, huh? He’s pretty dreamy.”

Dean sputtered, nearly choking on the piece of cake in his mouth and glared at Charlie.

“Don’t act like you haven’t been undressing each other with your eyes they whole day. We’ve noticed things Dean, we’re not idiots.”

“Yeah dude, I mean, I’ve caught you staring at him more than a couple times today. Why don’t you just ask him out?”

Dean turned his head disbelievingly towards his brother.

“Et tu Sam? Come on man it’s nothing like that. I mean yeah he’s got the ass of a god and that whole mysterious hot guy thing going but he’s not the settle down type, it wouldn’t work out.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Sam, the man has been MIA for years because he was travelling the world. Doesn’t exactly sound like a guy who wants a white picket fence”

“Gabe told me he’s sticking around this time. Said he’s home for good. Gonna find an apartment and settle here. Publish a book or something.”

Dean glared at his brother for trying to put hopes into his head. None of them knew nearly enough to be trying to play match maker. Dean had barely spoken to him, for crying out loud.

“Dean, if you’re thinking about Ben, just remember that it might make it easier, maybe better if there were two parents.”

“What do you know Sam? We grew up with no parents and we turned out fine and dandy thank you very much.” He snapped at his brother.

“No, Dean. We had Bobby and Ellen to raise us so we turn out ‘fine and dandy’.” The younger Winchester snapped back.

“Sorry, you know I didn’t mean…” Dean mumbled, looking at his shoes. Bobby and Ellen really were the boys’ parents more than their biological parents. They took them in and raised them as their own after the accident that took John and Mary Winchester.

“Look, Dean don’t worry, I know, I know. But, really consider it. Partnership helps.” Sam smiled encouragingly at his older brother. “so, the only real problem that you’ve posed against it is the fact that you guys don’t know each other. And the best way to fix that is to ask him out.”

“What if he isn’t into dudes?” Dean’s question only earned pointed bitch faces from Charlie and Sam.

“First of all, gaydar is going haywire,” Charlie remarked with a grin. “And second of all, there’s no way he would check you out the way he does if he wasn’t interested in getting some. So, at least if he’s not gay, he’s open to men. Go forth and conquer Dean, with an ass like that he might not stay on the market long.”

It was Dean’s turn to give her the bitch face but she only winked at him with a mouthful of cake.

They were right, everything inside him knew they were right, but there was still the part of him that didn’t think he could do it. But he kept to himself to avoid further discussion on the matter.

Everyone started gathering back around in the living room where Claire had seated Castiel. She sat at his feet and crossed her forearms over his knee to rest her head there.

“Everyone, this is my uncle Castiel. He’s seen more of the world than some of us have even seen of this city, so I asked him to tell us some stories. Please be quiet until he’s done. Please and thank you.”

Castiel began speaking, somewhat shyly at first, as if he wasn’t accustomed to so much attention at once, but as he eased into his words, he grew more animated, more enthusiastic about the unfolding story. Dean watched the way his mouth formed each word, and the cute way his lips turned up slightly whenever he said a word that started with the letter ‘h’. He watched his hands motion and form vague shapes to add visual to his story. He would lean towards his audience at moments of intensity and drop his voice to further their focus. Most of all, he watched his deep blue eyes. It was as if there was an electric current behind them, making the blue seem lighter and darker with certain moods. He told the tale with his whole body, entrancing the audience. They hung on every last detail, every last word. Dean found himself wanting to listen to this man speak for the rest of his life. Hell, he could be reading off a grocery list and it would still be the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard.

_Oh god, no shut up Dean, don’t be such a chick._

Claire was looking up at her uncle like he was the single coolest person she had ever met and Dean noticed the love in her eyes. The young girl was sweet, but she did not warm up to someone unless she really thought they were special. So to see her so captivated by her uncle with only a few days of his acquaintance said something about the blue eyed man all in its own right.

_Alright, standard Claire seal of approval, so what._

There was a burst of applause and exclamations of ‘Oh my goodness’ and ‘Wow’ filling the room. There was not a single pair of eyes that was not fixed with interest on the man at the center of the room, who was now smiling shyly again, looking down at his feet. He nodded his head in appreciation and Claire urged him to stand up and take a bow.

 _Apparently standard seal of_ everyone _approval…big whoop._

Who was Dean kidding, the man was an enigma of awesome, served up on a platter made of sexy. He was so screwed.

Once the crowd dispersed back out into the backyard or leaving to go home, Dean found the nerve to speak to Castiel, one-on-one.

“That was an awesome story man. Your books are gonna sell like crazy, no sweat. I mean, if you can hold an audience of apple-pie suburban parents and sugar-rushed kids with a story, you have nothing to worry about.”

Castiel smiled at Dean, but it was different from the shy smile from before when the audience praised him. The smile reached his eyes and he didn’t look down away from Dean. He continued to hold his gaze, as if wanting more of his approval.

“Thank you Dean, that is very kind. I’m glad you liked it.”

_Does he mean the collective you, or the personal you as in just you, Dean you?_

“Oh, and thank you so much for agreeing to watch Ben for me tomorrow, man, you really saved me. It will only be for like three hours, tops. He’ll probably sleep most of the time since it’s around the time he usually takes a nap, and trust me that kid’s sleep schedule is like set in stone. But really, thanks you didn’t have to do this.”

“It’s my pleasure Dean. Really, no trouble at all. Everyone is going to Amelia’s parents’ house tomorrow anyway and it is not like I have found much to occupy my time with here. It will be nice for me to get out of the house and interact.”

“I don’t know how much interacting you’ll get, I mean he’s not even two yet,” Dean joked but Castiel’s eyes were serious.

“Dean. Interaction with a child can teach you more about life than most interactions with most adults. Trust me when I say that. Children are windows into what adults have grown too dense to see.”

_Oh god he loves kids. DADDY MATERIAL. Did I just refer to him as daddy…no I meant ‘dad’? Or Father. Or parent. Shut up Dean, no kink-shaming. Shut up Dean, no kink-talk… God I’m so screwed._

“Well then I guess I found the perfect babysitter, huh?” Dean managed to croak.

“You can judge that on the state you find us in tomorrow.”

_Oh I’ve dreamed about you in all sorts of states and I enjoyed every last- DEAN YOU’VE GOT TO STOP THAT._

“Oh I’m sure you guys will be great. Ben already seemed to like you when he met you, so easy-peesy.”

_Easy-peesy? What are you ten?_

There was a moment of quiet, as if both men were calculating where to steer the conversation, neither being particularly good at small talk.

“So…” they both said in unison, and this inspired a laugh between them. Dean continued.

“So what’s the book about?”

“A village in Afghanistan. I have a number of books partly written, over my experiences in other parts of the world, but this was the one I was dedicated to finish first.”

“Do I get an early synopsis on the book or are you going to make me wait to buy my own copy?”

Castiel’s face reddened slightly when he realized how vague he had been.

“It is set during the earliest days of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. It is about a little girl and her family who take in an outsider from a rival clan who has been fatally wounded. They nurse him back to health, give him life, and even when he is able to leave, he decides to stay with them, as an adopted brother of sorts. The story follows the little girl growing up and falling in forbidden love with a Russian soldier stationed near the village. Her family is more than happy to let her follow her heart and the man she now calls her brother helps her and the soldier make a plan to leave. But other Soviet soldiers catch wind of the romance, they kidnap and rape the girl. Her soldier lover is reassigned to another post, and is killed when he refuses to leave. She…she doesn’t make it. She dies in her brother’s arms and makes him promise not to seek revenge, and the brother spirals into an emptiness and leaves the village to return to his former clan. That is the very, _very_ broad version, but I do not wish to give too much away if you plan on reading it. It has a sad ending, but…I, I did not have the inspiration for a happy ending. It felt as complete as it would get to me.”

Castiel’s voice had dipped to almost a whisper towards the end, and Dean did not realize how close he had leaned his face towards Castiel’s. He somehow had the feeling that the story was personal, that Castiel had drawn on his actual experience to write the book.

“Maybe there will be a sequel where the brother finds resolve, finds happiness again.” Dean had placed his hand over Castiel’s subconsciously, and then blue irises flitted up to meet green. Their faces were mere inches apart, but neither man seemed to care, and neither seemed willing to be the first to break the connection. Dean searched the other man’s face for some kind of understanding of what Dean had just accidentally offered. It had slipped out the way it did by accident, but it didn’t make it any less true. Something about this raven haired man who could enchant audiences with his words and raise hell in Dean’s head (and pants) with the slightest shift in expression, made Dean want to make him happy. There was a familiar pain behind the ocean of blue and he badly wanted to take it away and replace it with something better.

“Maybe there could,”

Dean’s breath hitched ever so slightly. _Was that a yes?_ Although Dean did not know what question he was hoping an answer for, he so badly wanted it to be yes.

“Picture time!”

Amelia’s voice broke their gaze and both men shifted uncomfortably for a second at the private exchange they just shared. Dean thought he saw a pool of moisture forming in the blue eyes. _Shit, the story, I triggered something, damn it._

Everyone was gathering around the living room to pose for the family picture infront of Amelia’s tripod. Dean gathered Ben in his arms from the couch where he was playing, and all the couples were arranging themselves while Gabriel fumbled with the camera. Castiel suddenly looked very uncomfortable, as if unsure where he fit in the picture, so Dean tugged him close to himself behind where Jo and Charlie were situated.

“Stand by me, Cas.”

“Alright people, let’s do this.”

Gabriel set the camera timer on and then ran to assume his position between Sam and Jimmy.

There was a moment of absolute silence where everyone was smiling in anticipation of the flash, and Dean became hyper aware of the beating in Castiel’s chest, pressed against the arm that was holding Ben between them. The flash went off and Dean imagined what they must have looked like, standing close together with a child between them. But it didn’t matter, the moment was over when Charlie and Jo bumped into them.

“Lookin good Han, squared!” Charlie giggled.

“Yeah I don’t know if we told you, but you and Ben look absolutely adorable together, like in the dorkiest possible way, of course. But the whole father-son-matching onesie thing totally works for you. Like, swoon-worthy adorable. Am I right Castiel?” Jo elbowed Castiel when she said this and winked at her girlfriend, who unsuccessfully tried to hide her laughter.

“Yes, Harrison Ford certainly has competition.” His small grin sent Dean into a whirlwind of crazy.

_DID HE JUST SAY I’M HOTTER THAN HARRISON FORD? DOES HE THINK I’M HOT? Or… he could have been talking about Ben being cute. Which he is. But. I’m cute. In a totally hot way. At least, I’m pretty sure I am. I mean, I’ve been hit on before, but Cas is the hottest guy on the planet – sorry Colin Firth – so I guess his standards are different…DOES HE THINK I’M HOT OR NOT, GODDAMNIT!_

“Yeah I’ve got the cutest kid in the world.”

_SAY SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING SAY YOU MEANT ME._

“You certainly do, Dean.” Again, same small grin, as if he were fighting it from getting bigger.

_ARE YOU PLAYING COY WITH ME CASTIEL NOVAK?_

“Like father, like son, huh?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows, hoping to make his point clear.

“He does not share your genes, Dean, seeing as he is not your biological son.” The stupid grin was still plastered on his face.

_WIPE THAT STUPID LOOK OFF YOUR STUPID SEXY FACE AND TELL ME IF I’M HOTTER THAN HARRISON FORD OR NOT._

“But if I did not know any better, I would have been tempted to say…”

_Yes there you go Cas, I’m cute, too._

“…he must get it from his mother.”

 _Did…did he just…diss me? No, wait, is he teasing me? He’s teasing me. Kindergarten playbook, alright then. Two can play at that game_.

Dean was not proud of his next move. In fact, he was embarrassed beyond belief. He swatted off one of Castiel’s fake Vulcan ears and stuck his tongue out at him.

_Nope, nope nope too kindergarten. Abort mission. Now. You fucked it up. Leave. Now._

Instead, Castiel was shaking. With laughter. At Dean. And smiling. He reached up and pulled Dean’s hood over his head. And stuck his tongue out in return.

At this point Ben was in a fit of giggles, reaching out for the two men, begging to join in the fun, so he grabbed Castiel’s exposed ear in one hand and a took one side of his daddy’s face in the other hand and brought them to his own face to place a messy wet kiss in between them. They both looked at the squealing baby between them, and then looked at each other and burst into more laughter.

“I was right Dean. Spending time with children can be the best of times.” There was something more warm in his eyes now, and even though Dean could tell the pain was somewhere in the back, it was progress.

It was late when Dean finally left. Ben had fallen asleep exhausted an hour earlier, but Amelia put him in Claire’s old crib she brought out when she watched Ben for Dean, and urged him to stay a while longer. Charlie and Jo had left before any of them, saying they had to get sleep in preparation for the coming day, but they wouldn’t clarify why. Dean assured them they didn’t want to know. Gabriel left next, since he had been there since morning arranging for the party, and told Dean he would see him at practice the next day. Sarah and Sam left soon after, and thanked the Novaks graciously for inviting them. When Dean felt like he would fall asleep in his chair he thanked everyone, got Ben and headed out. Cas walked him to the door.

“G’night Cas. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night Dean. Drive safely.”

Cas had extended his hand to shake Dean’s, and he took it, holding on a moment longer than necessary and gave it a final soft squeeze before leaving.

Dean spent a lot of time thinking about how the day went as he tried to fall asleep.

_Maybe there’s something there after all._


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene from season 9, ep. 6 where Cas is singing is one of my favorite things in the whole world. So, I couldn't help myself of course. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

_Dean dared to open his eyes to look down at the dark, messy head of hair that was bobbing in between his legs, and when he did, blue eyes looked up to meet his gaze. Chapped lips were wrapped around his cock, and his cheeks were hollowed out but the blue eyes never faltered. He released Dean’s member from his mouth with an obscene pop and began a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses at the head and the shaft, to the balls where he swirled his tongue before sucking each one into his mouth. He was now working his hand over the hard shaft, still suckling at the balls, paying them the same attention he was just paying the throbbing, blood filled penis._

_“Oh Cas…yeah…fuck, yes God, yes…”_

_It felt so good, so warm and soft and skilled, like the man before him somehow knew every spot that made Dean squirm, knew every spot that needed attention. He continued pumping his fist over the shaft and let his mouth travel away from his balls to Dean’s thighs, kissing, moving to his hips, then back down between his legs, taking in all of Dean into his mouth in one swift motion and giving a hard suck, releasing yet again to let his tongue travel lower and lower, prodding at Dean’s puckered hole._

_“Jesus Cas…yes…so good…baby you’re so good…”_

_Dean felt like he was on cloud nine, this man’s mouth was so perfect, his eyes that never looked away were so perfect, his skilled hands were so perfect. He was so proud of himself for lasting so long, getting to enjoy this as long as he could, and he felt like he could keep going, as long as he wanted._

_“Fuck, baby…right there, yeah…mmm Cas. Cas, keep going baby…”_

_Cas lifted his head and began crawling ever slowly over Dean and cupped his face in his hand, bringing them closer. Yes, they were finally going to kiss, Dean could finally taste those sinful lips he could finally-_

_“Wahh-ahh!” Cas let out a cry just as their lips were about to meet and Dean blinked several times…_

“Wayhhee!” Dean’s eyes flew open as he woke up. He sighed for a moment and then got out of bed to calm his son. Ben wasn’t upset, just trying to get his daddy’s attention, let him know he was awake. He squealed when he was picked up and buried his face into the space where Dean’s neck met his shoulder.

“Daaahhh!” He cooed. “Meeeee! Daahdeee!” He continued happily babbling while they went about their morning. He was becoming more and more vocal and Dean loved listening to him, figuring out exactly what he was saying. This morning it was all about Claire and the party.

“Dadee! Clay ha caw an it gooooo! Go fass an Clay ha so mey caws dadee!”

“Claire has so many cars, huh? What else did she show you?” Ben was turning two years old soon, and he wondered what kind of party he would throw for him. The year before, everyone had gone to Ellen and Bobby’s for a small barbecue. He knew he would keep it small again, but he wasn’t sure what exactly to plan.

At 9:30 Dean got a text message from an unknown number

_Unknown: Hello Dean. This is Castiel Novak. I got your number from Amelia, I hope that is alright. I wanted to know what time you would like me to come watch Ben._

Seeing the name immediately took Dean back to the dream he was having before he woke up. _Those lips…_ It wasn’t the first dream he had about the man, and he certainly knew it wouldn’t be the last, but he would need to control himself and his mental images whenever he was around Cas. He was only barely considering the possibilities of allowing himself to pursue a relationship, but that was granting that the other man would even be interested. After yesterday, Dean had a feeling that perhaps the attraction wasn’t totally one sided, but still. He had to be one hundred percent sure before initiating anything. It wasn’t just his own life that would be affected by a potential relationship; he had to consider Ben, too.

He saved Cas’ number to his phone and chewed his lip over how to respond. He composed so many emails every day to important people over important business, but somehow this text was the hardest message he felt he had ever written.

_Dean Winchester: Hi Cas! Yeah, totally cool you got my number from her, thought I probably should have gotten your number earlier. Be here whenever, around 11. See you soon!_

No. Too eager. Way too eager. Erase.

_Dean Winchester: Hello Castiel. I would appreciate it if you could make it here by 11:00. Thank you._

No, too formal. He erased it.

_Dean Winchester: Hey Cas! You can come by whenever you want around 11:00 or 11:15._

That was as good as it was going to get, so he just sent it. He was sitting in the living room with his laptop open, getting some work done while Ben was laying on the floor, scribbling away on a large piece of orange construction paper. He wondered if he needed to tidy up before Cas came over. He liked to keep the apartment neat so there really wasn’t any sort of mess, except for the clutter of colors around Ben. He went to inspect his bedroom, just in case Cas happened to go there to put Ben in his crib or something. Spotless. The bed had been made, there was nothing haphazardly laying around except for the book on his nightstand, but he figured that didn’t look messy. He went into his bathroom to make sure no stray towels were just lying around, but unsurprisingly, it was clean. The hallway bathroom was spotless, the extra bedroom was neat and the kitchen was as clean as he had just left it. He went to sit back down on the couch, satisfied with the state of his apartment. His phone buzzed.

_Cas Novak: Aright, see you then._

Before he could even think, Dean was typing out and sending a reply.

_Dean Winchester: Sounds good! See you!_

That was too eager. His text definitely didn’t warrant a response; the message was too much. He crossed a line-

His phone buzzed.

_Cas Novak: (:_

Dean stared at the smiley face for longer than a grown man should stare at any text message, and he smiled bigger than he had any business to be smiling. He willed himself to relax, told himself that it was no big deal, that he ended all his conversations with smiley faces, that it meant nothing in particular, that it was simply a friendly way to end a conversation. Dean tried to believe this, but he wanted nothing more than to know that Cas had actually smiled while texting Dean and the emoticon was a reflection of the expression on his own face. He thought to the way he smiled in Dean’s dream, the way he looked at him from between his legs, the way his mouth worked at him… The images sent a rush of warmth and blood to his groin.

_Oh come on man, what are you a teenager? Chill. Down, boy, down. I can’t deal with you right now._

He willed his growing erection away, but the visuals of his dream weren’t going anywhere, so neither was the growing hard on in his pants. He looked at Ben who was happily absorbed in his coloring and the cartoon about pirates on TV. The volume was low enough to where he could still hear his son from the bathroom.

_What the hell, might as friggin’ well._

Dean quickly got up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He let his sweat pants fall to his ankles and pushed his boxers down to follow. He wrapped his fingers around the shaft and stroked once before deciding that was an awful idea, so he opened up the cabinet to his left. _Bingo_. He pulled out the bottle of Aveeno’s Baby Moisturizer and pumped once into his palm. He warmed it up in his hands before starting his strokes at his erection again. He started slow, imagining Castiel was the kind of guy who liked a lot of slow, teasing, foreplay. He rubbed his thumb over the head where a bead of precome had formed and traced down the slit and down the shaft to his balls. He let out a groan and began fondling his balls with his other hand, squeezing and tugging the way Cas did in the dream. He picked up the pace and jacked himself with both hands now, twisting and pulling and flicking his wrist in attempts to recreate the sensations from the dream. Dream Cas was such an expert. He shut his eyes, imagining the dark hair that pointed every which way and he wondered what it felt like to pull on. He made a mental note to try and do that in his dream next time. He pictured the pink lips wrapped so beautifully around his cock and the way they glistened with saliva, the way they looked leaving kisses on his thighs and hips, how badly he wanted to taste those lips for himself. He thought about the blue eyes that were intense even in his dreams, how they held Dean exactly where he was, how they seemed to be every shade of blue all at once. He was getting so close, he could feel himself teetering on the edge of completion, but not having enough to get there. He let one hand go of his cock and instead started pinching at the skin dream Cas had sucked and bit to leave his mark on his lower hip. He opened his eyes and saw one mark of redness where he worked at the skin and for a brief moment imagined that it was Cas who had left it there, like a claim on him, and that did it. Dean came with a grunt, spurting long white ropes into the sink. He continued to gently stroke his cock through the orgasm until he was completely spent.

He bent over the counter, resting his forearms and forehead on the cool surface while he recollected himself. He stood upright and cleaned up the mess in the sink, washed his hands and splashed water on his face. When he was pulling his boxers and pants back up he paused to examine the mark he left on himself. _Interesting._ As far as masturbation fantasies went, this one was kind of intimate in a surprising way. It was the thought of Cas laying claim to him, the thought of Cas really wanting him that pushed him over the edge, not the physical sensation itself. _Interesting._ Dean pulled his sweats over the bruise and made sure everything was clean before rejoining his son in the living room. Ben was still coloring and watching TV and talking to himself as if he hadn’t even noticed Dean leave.

Around 10:50 Dean went to his room to put on a pair of jeans and a t shirt to be ready to go whenever Cas arrived. He took out his guitar that was in its case and put it in the living room. At exactly 11:00 there was a knock at the door and Ben bounced to the door alongside his dad.

“Hoo dee?” Ben called.

Dean looked through the peep hole and saw Cas standing outside, looking down with a small smile on his face when he heard Ben’s voice.

“It’s me, Castiel. Wil you open the door?”

_He understood Ben. I mean I guess this wasn’t a hard one to crack, but still. I’ll be damned._

He opened the door to let in the man whom he had dreamt about that morning and jacked off to not too long ago. He tried to hide any evidence from his face about that fact but his dick threatened to betray him, as it twitched ever so slightly in interest.

_Unbelievable. It’s been like an hour. I am NOT a teenager._

“Come inside. Good to see you, Cas.”

“Yes, you as well, Dean. Hello Ben.” He crouched down to eye level with the boy and put his hand out for a high five. It was endearing to watch him speak to Ben in the same voice he spoke to everyone else with, granted his tone was gentler with Ben. But he didn’t have a “baby voice” like other people, he just spoke to Ben like he would with anyone else. _Interesting._

“Let me give you the grand tour. This is the living room, when Ben falls asleep feel free to watch TV or whatever. This is the kitchen. Ben can eat anything as long as it is in small pieces or as long as it is soft. This cabinet has those fruit and veggie pureed mixes that he might want, but we usually only have that for breakfast. Also, help yourself to anything in the fridge or pantry if you’re hungry. This is our bedroom. If he falls asleep on the couch, that’s fine, he can nap there, but if you have to put him to sleep yourself, put him in the crib please. Umm… Yeah I think that’s it. Oh and call me if you need anything, I’m not going far, just a friend’s place for band practice.”

“You play guitar.” It wasn’t a question as much as it was a statement. “Oh. I saw the guitar case on the couch.” He clarified when he noticed Dean give him a look.

“Oh yeah, yeah I play. I mean, I sing mainly. Chuck is a much better guitarist but we switch off. And everyone sings a bit, but yeah. It’s cool.”

“I’m sure you’re very talented Dean.”

“You should come see us play next weekend.” Dean said before giving it much thought.

“I would really enjoy that. Thank you.”

“I mean, if you didn’t have any plans or anything, you know. Just, Jimmy and everyone usually come out to hear us, so you know, if you wanted.”

_Stop being stupid. You’re being weird. Just relax, man._

“Dean. I just moved to this city. You overestimate my socialization abilities if you think I have already made plans with anyone other than you, or the people at Claire’s birthday, all of which I assume will be at your show anyway.” He said this with a half-smile, as though trying not to look so teasing.

_Oh my god he singled me out in that sentence, he said made plans with anyone other than YOU or anyone. What does that mean?_

“Ha ha ok sassy pants, I was just saying,” Dean laughed and Castiel just smiled.

“What kind of music does your band play?”

“Mostly classic rock, we venture out into a bit of country here and there, play some Blues, you know, stuff like that. But mainly classic rock. The greats, you know?”

They stood in the doorway of the bedroom, talking for half an hour until Dean saw the clock on his nightstand read 11:40. _Have we really been talking for that long? I meant to leave ten minutes ago._

“Alright hey, well I better get going. Kevin is a real ball buster about being on time, so I’ll see you when I’m back. Shouldn’t be long, three hours max. And seriously, thank you.”

“No need to thank me Dean. I am very happy to do this.”

“Bye Benny. Be good ok? I love you.” Dean kissed his son and let him hug him and kiss him back.

“Bye bye dadeedee!”

When Dean pulled into Chuck’s driveway, he slung the strap on his guitar case over his shoulder and made his way to the back where everyone was setting up in the garage.

“Hey there Dean-o!” Gabriel was hooking up his bass to the amp and adjusting the knobs with a sucker in his mouth.

“Hey Dean!” Kevin was putting his drum set together, working around all the wires Chuck had out for him, Dean and Gabe.

“Hey man!” Chuck was tuning his guitar and adjusting knobs on his own amp.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” Dean sat down to unpack his guitar and begin tuning. When he was satisfied, he stood it up on the stand Chuck already had out for him and adjusted his microphone stand. They kept the volume on the amps low when they practiced in the garage to avoid disturbing the neighbors and didn’t even turn on the mic, but it was good to have it there to get accustomed to for showmanship.

“So Dean, I hear my baby brother is watching Ben for you. Pulling the classic porny babysitter scene, I see. Good for you.”

“Dude Dean you’re trying to sleep with Gabe’s brother?” Kevin laughed incredulously.

“What? No! No, what the hell, Gabe, I’m not doing anything like that, god. He was just the only one who was available today.”

“Yeah whatever you say pretty boy, just don’t hurt him. He _is_ my baby bro after all.”

“Gabe, I’m not trying to sleep with him. We barely know each other.”

“That didn’t stop you before,” Chuck chimed in, laughing.

“Ok, first of all that was like years ago, you guys know things are different for me now. Grow up, you guys.” Dean tried to turn his attention back to making adjustments but his bandmates were relentless.

“Did you invite him to the show next weekend?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah, but I mean I figured he was coming anyway with like Jimmy and everyone.”

“So you figured he was coming, and still took initiative to ask him to come, especially considering his brother is in the band anyway?” Chuck was grinning pretty wide now and Gabe was wiggling his eyebrows and wagging his finger at Dean.

“Oh my god people, could we just practice?”

“Yeah sure Dean, we wouldn’t want your first time performing for Castiel to be anything but perfect.” Kevin laughed and sat at the stool behind his drums.

“Fuck you guys.” Dean muttered.

The rest of practice carried on the same way. Between transitioning songs someone would make a comment about Dean’s interest in bedding Castiel and Dean would suggest to them various ways of screwing themselves, much to their amusement. Once they had gone through the set list and everyone was satisfied with the way they sounded, they called it a day and suggested practicing once more before the show, just to go through the set once more. They all packed up and helped Chuck put his equipment back in its place.

“Hey Dean, wanna stay for a beer?” Chuck offered.

“No, but thanks man. I gotta get home. Cas is watching Ben, I told him I wouldn’t be too long.”

“Ah, desperate to get back to the babysitter. Wear protection Deanmeister!” Gabe laughed.

“Alright see you later man, let me know tomorrow when you’re free to practice.” Chuck waved.

“Yeah, will do. Catch you guys later. Good practice today Four Cheese.” Dean waved and made his way to his car. On the drive home, he couldn’t help but picture Cas in the common babysitter scenario he had watched many a pornographic video about.

“Dean, get yourself together, man,” he said aloud to himself.

When he got back to his apartment, he let himself in and was about to call out to let them know he was home, but he heard a faint singing coming from his room. He gently put his guitar case down in the living room and walked quietly to the bedroom. He looked inside and saw Cas holding a barely asleep Ben in his arms. He was bobbing him gently as he walked around the room and singing to him in a rich, beautifully deep and somewhat raspy baritone.

 _“This is too good to be true_ __  
Look at me falling for you  
Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air  
I never thought I could feel so free  
Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer  
Who could it be?  
Believe it or not it's just me”

 _Holy. Shit. This man. Is going. To be the death of me._ Dean admired the gentle and graceful movements of the man’s legs as he moved about the room. He looked at the bulge of his biceps that his white long sleeves were just barely hiding from notice. He watched the way he held Ben close to him, cradling his head just right, keeping his hands in comforting places for the child that also supported his weight just right. It was a beautiful scene to behold. Dean wanted to store it away, to remember it forever, exactly as it was.

Castiel turned around and his eyes had this beautiful, nameless, soft expression in his eyes, and Dean expected him to abruptly stop singing. But again, he was surprised as he dark haired man finished the song and then, assured that Ben was asleep, gently laid him in the crib and wrapped the blanket up around him. Then he walked soundlessly towards the door where Dean was standing. Dean couldn’t move. He just wanted to keep staring at this man in front of him. Cas cocked his head in that adorable way to one side and squinted his eyes slightly, as if trying to read Dean. He then raised his eyebrows and looked behind Dean, as if suggesting they leave the room and allow Ben to sleep. Dean turned to let Cas close the door and follow him into the living room. __  
  


“Hello Dean.” Cas spoke first.

“Hey Cas. Man thank you so much for this. I gotta say I was worried Ben would give you a hard time, but wow. Looks like you had it under control. Really, I can’t thank you enough.”

Castiel just smiled at him. “Dean, it was a great joy for me to watch Ben for you today. Do not hesitate to ask me again if you need someone.”

They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.

“I better get going then. I will see you soon Dean.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Umm, hey are you doing anything this week? Because we’re having one more practice before the show and if you’re free, I thought maybe you could watch him for an hour? It would be in the evening since we all work during the day.”

“Yes, Dean, I’m available whenever you need me all week. My work doesn’t start with my publisher yet so until then, I’m at your service.”

“Awesome. I’ll text you then. Thanks so much. See you.”

“Good bye Dean.”

They shook hands at the door, and again, they held on just a moment longer than necessary. When he left, Dean closed the door behind him and leaned against it, closing his eyes.

This man was going to be the death of him.


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait you guys...Life has been happening. Life has been happening very hard. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I wrote it over the span of a couple days because I kept getting interrupted before I could even write a full paragraph. Let me know what you think! *kisses*

On Monday night, the band decided they would meet on Wednesday evening for their final practice. As soon as it was confirmed, Dean started texting Castiel to ask him to watch Ben.

_Dean Winchester: Hey Cas! Was wondering if you could come Wednesday evening to take care of Ben while I’m at practice._

He still had the image of how the man looked in the doorway when they said goodbye last time he saw him. He closed his eyes and could see the broad shoulders, the slender waist, the straight posture and sure demeanor. He could clearly see the fluid motion in all of his movements, the way he seemed to glide across the floor soundlessly, the way each of his movements seemed purposeful and calculated. He could picture the bright blue eyes that spoke volumes on their own, the mussed dark hair that just begged to be touched, the soft pink lips that were always chapped, the square set in his strong jaw. Castiel was a gorgeous man, and it was so strange that Dean had never noted these same features in his identical twin. The features were there for sure, but they didn’t hold the same attraction, the same captivating power that Castiel had.

His phone bleeped, notifying him of the message.

_Cas Novak: Hello Dean. Yes, I would be happy to watch Ben. When would you like me to come over?_

_Dean Winchester: 6:15 work for you?_

_Cas Novak: Yes, that works. I will see you on Wednesday._

_Dean Winchester: Awesome! Thanks man!_

_Cas Novak: (:_

Again with that torturous emoticon. Dean was staring at the message bubble again. It was a simple open parenthesis followed by a colon. Two symbols. That’s all. No biggie. No big deal at all. He locked his phone and tossed it across the couch, not wanting to think about Cas and his stupid cryptic texting. Although, Dean knew Cas wasn’t the one being cryptic, Dean was just an over analytical teenager. He leaned his head back and sank into the couch, letting out a huff. He was tired. He had a long day at work, Ben had been uncharacteristically fussy at dinnertime and even his bath did not calm him down or put him in good spirits for bed time. Dean couldn’t figure out why he was cranky, and was upset yet relieved when Ben just tired himself out from crying and finally fell asleep in Dean’s arms.

He got up to get a drink. He generally didn’t drink anymore unless he had occasion, like going out with friends or a holiday or birthday or something. He kept one bottle of whiskey on the highest shelf of his pantry, all the way in the back for “emergencies”. He didn’t want Ben growing up in a home where his dad drank often or where alcohol was commonplace. He wanted a healthy home for his son.

Dean poured himself one glass and put the bottle back up, out of sight and went back to sit on the couch. He thought about what a healthy home would mean for Ben as he got older. He felt like he had been doing a good job so far, but he also knew that he wasn’t perfect. He and Sam lost their parents young but had been blessed with having Bobby and Ellen. Not that he wasn’t capable as a single dad, but maybe it _would_ be better for Ben to have two parents. Single parents brought up amazing successful kids all the time, but Dean thought maybe he should stop being so opposed to the idea of letting someone in to share the privilege of raising Ben. His mind went to blue eyes, but that didn’t particularly make sense to him at the moment. Sure, the guy was fantastic with Ben, and kids in general, but Dean didn’t know the first thing about him, except the small things he had been told by the man’s brothers. He didn’t know how compatible they would be and how well they would work as a team. Simple attraction wasn’t enough to make a happy family. Although he _could_ take Sam’s advice and ask him out to see if it could work… but he didn’t really have time for dating right now. He would just have to wait to get back into the dating pool to see if meeting someone nice was in the cards for him and his son. Dean took a swig of his glass to finish the contents. The warm feeling was welcome. He wasn’t a lightweight by any means, but he certainly did not have the tolerance he once had. One glass of whiskey didn’t have any real effect on him other than just a subtle warmth. He took the glass to the kitchen and quietly washed and dried it. He walked to his bedroom and bent over Ben’s crib, watching the boy breathe evenly and deeply in his sleep. Hopefully he woke up in a better mood. Dean stripped to his boxers and got under the blissfully cold sheets. He grabbed the pillow next to him and held it against his chest. He almost started thinking of what it would be like to cuddle a certain blue eyed man who was probably hiding all sorts of sexy underneath all those layers. But he stopped himself. He couldn’t date him, take the time to get to properly know him in the necessary way to determine if he would be a good match in Dean’s family of him and Ben. He soon fell asleep, still holding the pillow.

 

On Wednesday, Dean picked Ben up from Sam and Sarah’s after work and took him to the park to make up for not being able to spend the evening with him. They fed ducks and Ben waddled around among the unamused birds. The ducks would scatter around him, getting out of his arm’s reach, then promptly return to picking at the pieces of bread on the ground. They went to the playground and Dean pushed Ben on one of the baby swings. The woman next to him smiled at Dean as he made faces at the giggling little boy and tickled him when he got close.

“He’s adorable,” the woman finally spoke with a smile, still pushing her baby on the swing.

“Thank you, wish I could say he got it from me,” Dean joked and returned her smile. She was a pretty red head with a kind face.

“Dadee! Me! Mee Dadeee more up! Up, down!” Ben squealed, waving his arms above his head and wiggled his fingers gleefully. Dean caught him in the swing as he got close enough and tickled the little boy, making his son scream and giggle happily. “Dadee up down, updown!”

“Well then his mother must be beautiful,” her eyes sweeped Dean. “She’s a lucky woman to have such great help with the baby.”

_Did she just check me out?_

“I do my best.” He didn’t bother telling her what the deal was, and she continued with her subtle flirtations until he made a show of checking the time and gathering Ben up to leave.

“Nice meeting you!” she called out as he left.

He arrived at his apartment exactly at 6:15, and Cas was already waiting at his door. He was wearing a tan trench coat over jeans and a white polo, hair as messy as ever.

“Geez I’m so sorry to keep you waiting man, I took Ben to the park on the way from Sam’s place for a bit.” He hurriedly unlocked his door to let himself and Castiel inside.

“Don’t worry Dean, I had just arrived as you did. Anyway, do not apologize for wanting to spend time with your child before leaving for the evening.”

“Well, anyway, thanks again for this Cas. I seriously owe you.”

“Nonsense. What are friends for?”

Dean looked up from taking Ben’s shoes off. “We’re friends.” It was partly a question, partly a statement, partly a realization, and partly a request for affirmation of what he had heard. Castiel only smiled in response and continued standing, watching Dean take the little boy’s shoes and jacket off.

“I don’t know if this is asking too much, but would you be comfortable giving him a bath and prepping his dinner? I try to have him asleep by 8:00 and I usually bathe him myself, but I’m not going to be home in time. You can say no.”

“As long as you are comfortable, I have no problem. I can do whatever you need.”

_Oh if only you knew what I need… God, stop it, Dean. Not this again._

“Awesome, thank you so much. Here, let me show you how the shower works, it can be a little complicated.” Dean led him to the bathroom and explained the knobs and how to fill the tub and whatnot.

“As far as showers go, this is quite…luxurious, I guess is the first word that comes to mind.” Castiel said with the faintest of smiles. There was something else in his eyes that Dean couldn’t quite read, and he blushed at his comment. He was right. It could fit four grown men very easily and there was a source of water in every direction. In his younger and childless days, Dean might have put that to the test and put the shower to maximum use, but now that was out of the question.

“Yeah, I kinda took the chance to remodel for Ben as an opportunity to indulge myself… You have no idea how convenient this makes bath time. I can shower myself and bathe him at the same time, it’s fantastic really.” Dean took them back into the bedroom and opened up a few drawers. “His clothes are here, and this drawer has his pull ups, if you wouldn’t mind, please put one of these on him before bed.

“Alright, so you would like me to have him bathed and asleep by 8:00?”

“Yeah, please and thank you. I should be getting back around 8:30 or 9:00 at the absolute latest. And feel free to watch tv or raid the fridge or whatever. There’s broccoli cheese casserole in the fridge, if you could just warm that up for him he can eat that for dinner.”

“Sounds good.”

Dean bent down to give his son a hug and kiss. “Bye champ. Be good. I love you.”

“Bye bye Dadeedee!”

“See you, Cas.”

 

Practice went smoothly, with minimal references to Dean’s sexual attraction with Castiel. They had a great set lined up and were excited to see how it was received. Kevin even improved his own added drum solo at the end of one of the songs that sounded brilliant, so they decided he should do the same thing when they performed. It was going to be awesome. The gig was at a bar called the Roadhouse, where Ellen used to work and now owned. They performed there a lot, and actually got their start at that bar, so it was only natural that it felt like playing on their own turf.

“Great practice you guys, let’s let Dean get back to the naughty babysitter.” Kevin teased.

“Fuck, Kev don’t call my baby brother a _naughty anything_ when I’m in earshot. That is awful. Plus Dean-o might get jealous.”

Dean looked at his laughing band mates and shook his head. “You people are ridiculous. Screw yourselves, and good night. See you this weekend.”

“You too Dean!” Chuck returned, stifling his laughter.

“No, he doesn’t need that, he’s got Cassie to screw him remember?” Gabe snorted, winking and elbowing Chuck in the side.

“Gabe. You are a disgusting human being. Don’t ever change.”

Dean left his band laughing at his expense in the garage and drove away. He got to his apartment around 8:50. When he opened the door, he found Cas sitting cross legged on his couch watching something on TV. When a familiar theme started playing, Dean realized he was watching _Fellowship of the Ring_. When Castiel looked up to see Dean entering the apartment, he paused the movie and stood up.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, how’d it go? He wasn’t too much trouble?”

“No of course not, we had dinner and then I bathed him, dressed him and put him to bed. The casserole, by the way, was absolutely delicious.”

Dean smiled at the compliment. “Oh thanks man, I’m glad you ate with him. Sorry for getting back so late. The guys don’t know how to shut up.”

“I believe that, considering my brother is in the band.”

Dean laughed. It was so easy to forget Gabe and Cas were brothers. There was little to no resemblance between them in their looks and their personalities. “I love that movie, although the second one is of course, the best one.” He motioned towards the paused movie.

“I haven’t seen any of them, so I won’t be able to add my opinion. But Tolkien is a highly celebrated writer, so I thought I would give the movies a shot since I’ve never had the opportunity before.”

Dean’s eyes went wide and he dropped his jaw dramatically. “You’re telling me you’ve never seen any of _The Lord of the Rings_ movies?”

“No, I have not.”

“Sit your ass down buddy, there is no way I’m letting you walk out that door not knowing the genius of _The Lord of the Rings._ ”

“Oh, Dean that isn’t necessary, really, I wouldn’t want to intrude on your night.”

“Oh dude, come on you wouldn’t be intruding anything.”

“Thank you Dean, I was really getting interested. Gandalf is such a colorful character.”

“Awesome. I’ll make some popcorn! Want something to drink?”

“Water would be perfect, thank you.”

Dean brought a large bowl of popcorn and set it on the couch next to where Cas was sitting and sat on the other side of the bowl. He handed Cas the water bottle and settled in, ready to pick the movie back up from where it was paused.

“Alright, you ready for the beginning of an amazing trilogy?” He hit the play button, and raised the volume slightly. Castiel looked at him funny.

“Shouldn’t we keep it down so Bed doesn’t wake up?”

_He’s so damn considerate. God and the way he tilts his head when he asks questions…why oh why, God?_

“That kid sleeps like a rock, trust me. And I’ve figured out the loudest I can have the TV on before it’s a problem. We’re good.”

Castiel seemed satisfied by this answer and leaned back into his side of the couch when Dean hit play. They watched the rest of the movie and Dean would add his own comments every now and then at parts he really liked and would point out little details he wanted to make sure Cas noticed. After the third time Dean spoke to talk about some trivia he knew about a particular scene or something from the outtakes or the extended cut, Cas reached for the remote and paused the movie to listen to what he was saying, and then resume it when he was done. Dean made his joke about Sean Bean dying in everything he worked in, although Castiel did not understand. He paused the movie during Boromir’s death scene and looked at Dean.

“Who is Sean Bean?”

“Really? He’s the actor who plays Boromir! He was Ned Stark, Agent 006 in the Brosnan _Golden Eye,_ he was in _Equilibrium_ , and he dies in like every movie he’s in.”

Castiel only nodded thoughtfully. “I haven’t seen any of those.”

“You’re kidding. Have you seen _any_ of the James Bond movies?”

“I’ve seen all of the Sean Connery Bond movies, but none of the later ones.”

Dean stared at him with a look of shock. “Cas. What other movies have you not seen?”

Castiel looked down and around the room, looking slightly embarrassed. “I haven’t seen any movies except for the ones Jimmy and Gabe would make me watch as kids. So really, I haven’t seen many movies at all.”

“We are going to fix that buddy. No friend of mine is going to walk around not having been exposed to some of the greatest stories every told.”

“Dean. I’ve travelled the world and read and heard stories of every culture. I don’t think I’m lacking in what stories I’ve been exposed to.”

“No, no, I’m not having it. It’ll be fixed. Don’t worry.”

Castiel tilted his head again but instead of squinting his eyes in confusion, he wore the smallest of smiles. He didn’t say anything, just hit play and sat back to watch the rest of the movie. When it was over, he was hunched forward with his elbows on his knees, resting his face in his hands, leaning towards the screen.

“That was very interesting. And I applaud Tolkien’s storytelling, and the director’s ability to build my anticipation to find out how the story concludes. Very good movie. Thank you for letting me finish it, Dean.”

“Yeah, man, and I have the whole trilogy, plus the _Hobbit_ movies too, which are like the prequel movies to this trilogy. They’re really good, too, though not as great as these.”

They sat on the couch for another hour, discussing the movie. Castiel voiced his theories on what he thought would happen and talked about the mechanics of the cinematography, and what the landscapes reminded him of. He had not been to New Zealand where the movies were filmed, but he had been to places that were similar. Dean watched and listened to him go into storytelling mode and become animated as he talked about what it was like to go to those places and interact with the people. They stayed up talking late into the night before either of them realized the time.

“Dean, I apologize for keeping you up so late, I know you have work in the morning.”

“Hey don’t apologize, it was nice to wind down and watch the movie with some company that I could actually talk about it with. So thanks for staying Cas.”

“Thank you for having me.” He shyly looked up at Dean through his lashes. “If you need me to watch Ben another time, do not hesitate to ask.”

“Thanks, for sure.” Dean hesitated before continuing, not knowing if he was going too far. “If you wanted, you could come over again to watch the rest of the trilogy. If you wanted, you know.”

Castiel’s smile grew wide and he fully looked into Dean’s eyes. “I would really enjoy that. Thank you. I would hate to leave something incomplete on such a cliffhanger.”

“Awesome, so uhh…I’ll umm. I guess I’ll text you and we can figure out when you can come over again.”

“Yes. And I’ll see you at your performance this weekend.”

“Oh yeah, cool, yeah see you there.”

Once he was outside the door, Castiel put his hand out to shake Dean’s. “Good night Dean.”

“Good night Cas.” They stood there in the doorway, hands clasped, smiling at each other before Dean finally pulled away, realizing what he was doing. Cas stepped back and turned to leave, Dean watching him walk pass the elevator and take the stairs. _That’s probably why his ass looks so nice in every pair of pants I’ve ever seen him in, he always takes the damn stairs._

Dean locked his door when he got back inside his apartment and headed straight for the shower. He stood under the warm water and let it relax his muscles. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, closing his eyes and holding his arms above his head, resting them there. Tonight was fun. It had been a very _very_ long time since he had a movie night like that, and a part of him was really eager to have Cas over again for a movie. Regardless of the decision he made about not being able to date the man, he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed his company. He was easy to talk to, he was a great listener and very interesting to listen to. _So what, if I can’t date him. We can still be friends. Friends watch movies together. We’re friends._ One of his hands travelled down with the water to wrap around his cock which was at half-mast and gave it a few lazy strokes. The water felt so good and he had so many great images in his head. His eyes flew open when he realized what he was doing, but he figured he might as well finish now that he had started. He tried to supply his mind with other images. He tried to conjure up a fantasy about Zorro, man handling him in a freight car after they had taken down the bad guys. He tried to imagine Zorro’s sexy accent and dark smoldering eyes, but all he could hear was a deep, smooth baritone and the only eyes he could imagine were bright and blue. He tried to think of his hero in a black cape but he kept seeing a stupid looking trench coat. He forced himself to imagine Zorro’s rope burned palms rubbing over his skin, his calloused fingers wrapping around his cock, stroking his length. He pictured the mustached man on his knees before him, teasing at his erection with messy kisses and licks, being the passionate lover that he was, and purring with Dean’s hard on in his mouth. But the image changed into a stubbled man with a square jaw gently nipping at the flesh of his thighs before sucking Dean entirely into the back of his throat. He came with a stifled moan, streaking the shower wall with his seed. He leaned back, breathing hard. _Ok whatever. I can’t date him, but fantasies won’t hurt anyone. We’re friends. And I just jacked off to an idea of him sucking me down. Whatever. We’re friends. That’s totally normal for friends. A-okay._

He finished off his shower and cleaned up his mess before stepping out and toweling himself dry. He pulled on a pair of black boxer briefs and crawled into bed, snuggling the pillow again. It felt like ages since he had someone to hold at night and he couldn’t even remember what it was like. He didn’t feel like he absolutely needed it, but damn it would be nice to be held after a long day.

_Once Ben is older,_ Dean promised himself. _Once he’s older, I can get back out there._


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay...stupid life keeps getting in the stupid way.  
> So if you haven't seen it, watch Jensen, Rob and Rich perform at Jailbreak https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN_7oIl5-qk like it is one of my most favorite things in the world. Jensen singing is a gift from God (Chuck?) and it kind of inspired part of this chapter...you'll see.  
> Enjoy and let me know what you think! (:

Saturday morning Dean woke up to Ben’s babbling and mumbling. He had a restful night of sleep despite going to sleep late after having Sam and Sarah over for dinner the night before. Both his brother and sister-in-law became very persistent about him dating again when he let it slip that he had been thinking about it once Ben was older. Granted, the couple had finished off Dean’s “secret” stash of liquor when they started the conversation, so he tried not to take them too seriously. He couldn’t shake the good feeling of having everyone’s whole hearted support to meet someone, though. It felt good, it felt like maybe he was making the right choice. Sam was very eager to suggest Dean begin his search for a soul mate with a blue eyed writer that they knew who happened to be their friends’ brother, but Dean was quick to shut that down. He explained that although, yes, they man was attractive and typically the kind of guy Dean would have already asked out, that they had to stay just friends because this was not the particular time in his life that he could start getting to know the man better. It would be years before Dean would be ready and by that time, Cas could meet someone, or leave again and he it wouldn’t make any sense to tell a guy he barely knew to wait a couple years until he was all set to start dating. Also, he wanted to avoid the awkwardness in their group of friends from the potential break up. It would suck to ruin their group dynamic because they tried to date and it ended horribly. So, after a long back and forth of pros and cons of dating and discussions of timing, Dean drove Sam and Sarah home so they wouldn’t have to get a cab. He watched the couple stumble and hold each other up as they walked to their door and smiled. He couldn’t have chosen a better life partner for his baby brother than Sarah. They were so good together and it made Dean happy to see his brother happy with someone. It was cliché to say so, but the two completed each other in every sense. _Maybe I’ll have something like that one day._

While having breakfast that morning Dean sent Sam a text saying he could come by whenever he wanted to pick up his car. He looked at Ben who was very occupied with seeing how far he could push the bottom of his spoon into his food until it spilled into the bowl of the spoon. It was very settling to watch Ben do repetitive things, figuring out how things work. There was a simplicity to it that brought Dean back to earth when he was too in his head over thinking things.

Around mid-day Dean got a text message.

_Cas Novak: Hello Dean._

_Dean Winchester: Hey Cas, what’s up?_

_Cas Novak: What time is your show tonight? And where is it?_

Dean stared at the message bubbles. It was kind of strange to have Cas asking him this considering one of his brothers was in the band and the other brother rarely missed a show. A small part of Dean fluttered briefly with the slightest hint of hope that this was just an excuse the man found to text him, but he didn’t think that was really a move Cas would make. He couldn’t think of a logical reason as to why he would text him asking unless he actually needed to know.

_Dean Winchester: I don’t mind telling you but aren’t you coming with Jimmy?_

_Cas Novak: Jimmy is staying in with Amelia and the children tonight and he and Gabriel refuse to tell me._

Dean laughed at his friends’ immaturity. He remembered Gabe telling him something about having years of fraternal torture to make up for with his brother.

_Dean Winchester: It’s at the Roadhouse at 9. I don’t mind taking you. I’m coming by Jimmy’s place to drop Ben off anyway._

_Cas Novak: If it wouldn’t be of too much trouble to you, then yes that would be nice._

_Dean Winchester: Sure thing man! I’ll text you when I’m headed over._

_Cas Novak: (:_

 

Okay, so he would be alone in the car with Cas, no biggie. They had spent an entire evening alone in his living room earlier that week watching a movie. This was hardly anything. They were just friends. Car rides with friends was totally normal, every-day friend things that friends did. That reminded him that he needed to ask Cas when he wanted to come watch _Two Towers_ with him. He decided he could ask him when he saw him, no need to text him again.

Ben had fallen asleep on the couch, so Dean moved him to the bedroom and closed the door so he wouldn’t be woken up by the sound of Dean making lunch. He made a lemon basil mushroom cream sauce for their pasta and baked chicken and was just taking the chicken out of the oven when he heard a faint rattling sound coming from his room. Sure enough Ben was standing up in his crib shaking the railing and playing with the mobile. Dean lifted him up and let him stand on the ground and chased him out of the room. Ben climbed onto a couch trying to get out of reach of his daddy’s threatening tickles and Dean made a show of not being able to get him until his son jumped and tackled him from where he was.

“Dadee, kale um patatas!” Ben said pointing both index fingers at his mouth. He had started doing that when he was really hungry and for the life of him, Dean couldn’t figure out why he chose kale and potatoes to indicate this.  His son was calling anything green, even if it wasn’t a leaf or even a vegetable, kale and anything white or brown, potatoes, despite Dean correcting him. Sure it was adorable and hilarious but he couldn’t keep referring to chocolate cake as a potato.

After they had eaten and Dean had cleaned up, Dean opened his laptop to get some work done while Ben played with his racetrack set. At around 5:00, Ben came and crawled up next to his daddy and tugged on his sleeve.

“Dadee, ducks? Ducks dadee peese!”

“You want to go feed the ducks?”

Ben nodded enthusiastically and tugged Dean’s sleeve a little more to emphasize his point.

“Peese dadee ducks!”

“Ok bud let me finish up and we can go to the park and feed some ducks.”

Although they could have walked, Dean drove so that they wouldn’t have to walk back to the apartment in the dark if they stayed that long. As soon as he unbuckled him from his car seat, Ben was bounding off to the spot they usually went to by the water. Dean quickly grabbed the diaper bag and locked the car, running to catch up with his eager child. Ben was thankfully standing a good distance from the water, waiting for his daddy. Dean took the bread out of his bag and handed a piece to Ben who quickly began tearing it apart and throwing it around. They were soon surrounded by hungry birds. Dean had to stop Ben from trying to grab some of them because who knew what kind of bacteria they had all over them? They went to the playground when both the child and the birds seemed to be losing interest and Dean watched Ben climb the steps and go down the slides. There were two women sitting at a bench near him who kept glancing over at him and giggling. A small child ran up to the women and complained about one of the other kids not giving him a turn on the swings and the woman closest to him just yelled out to the other kids to give him a turn. The kid didn’t seem satisfied but joined his friends anyway. He looked back to where his own son was sitting by a slide, sticking woodchips into the holes of the playground equipment surface.

“Ready to go, buddy?” Dean walked over to Ben and scooped him up, brushing off the dirt from the little boy’s hands, and let him climb onto his shoulders. They drove home and Dean got them both showered to get ready for their respective nights. He dressed Ben in a Buzz Lightyear onesie and packed his bag with anything Amelia might need for him. He then set himself to the task of getting himself dressed. He stood inside his walk-in closet in just black boxer briefs and stared at his options. Ben had followed him inside and plopped himself down on the floor with a toy car in his hands.

“Jeans or khakis? What do you think?”

Ben looked at Dean once but didn’t say anything and made a “whoosh” sound as he played with his toy.

“Yeah, jeans, good call.” He then examined several pairs of jeans, trying to decide between nice or worn, faded or not, boot cut or straight, tighter or relaxed? He settled on a comfortable pair of dark jeans, and it definitely was not because of the countless compliments he got about the particular pair hugging his ass in just the right way. No, he just liked them, the way they made his _assets_ look had nothing to do with the decision. He then turned his attention to shirts.

“Do you think tonight is a plaid kind of night or should I go with a nice button up?” This time, Ben stood up and threw his car on the ground and walked around the closet. Anyone else would have thought he was waddling around aimlessly but Dean knew his son was up to something. The little boy climbed on one of the shelves pulling at several jackets and cardigans and then gripped out a black leather jacket. With Dean’s help, he jumped off the shelf and held the jacket to his face squealing.

“Oh leather jacket kind of night, you think?”

Ben just babbled incoherent syllables and smiled, hitting the jacket in his lap with his flat palms.

“Okay, but what should I wear it with? As much as the fans would love it, I can’t go bare chest, buddy.”

Ben gave no response and drove his car over the jacket, continuing with his little sound effects. Dean looked at the contents of his closet and contemplated calling Charlie or Jo for suggestions, but decided against it, realizing the teasing would never stop he stooped to that level. He fingered through different shirts for the better part of ten minutes until he gave up with a huff.

“Whatever. Who cares, right Benny? Like, psh, I don’t care. Whatever.” He pulled on a solid black shirt that had _Jailbreak_ written across the front in gray letters and went to the bathroom to “quickly” fix his hair. He rubbed some product in his palms and tried to get that _don’t-care-bedhead_ look but it wasn’t working so he just ran his fingers up through the short hair and spiked it up. He considered shaving since he hadn’t in a couple of days and had a nice amount of facial hair but decided he liked it. He gave himself a once over one last time before putting on socks and shoes and collecting Ben’s things and heading out the door. When they were both situated in the car, Dean sent Cas a text to let him know that he was on the way.

He pulled up in the Novak driveway and walked Ben to the door, letting him ring the bell.

“Hey Dean! Hi Ben! Come in! Castiel is just finally ready.” She winked at Dean.

_What’s that supposed to mean?_

“Thanks again for watching him! Here’s his stuff,” he handed her the bag and then knelt down to his son and gave him a hug. “Be good bud. Can I have a good luck kiss?” He pointed to his cheek and puffed it out. Ben put both hands on his daddy’s face and planted a wet kiss where Dean had pointed, earning an “aww” from Amelia.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean stood up and smiled at his friend, but tried to ensure it wasn’t _too_ smiley. The man in front of him was wearing black pants and a neat white shirt, with that ridiculous tan trench coat, and yet he looked stunning, perpetual sex hair and all. He wondered if he had to make his hair look that way or if he was just graced with it.

“Hey, man. Ready to go?”

Amelia and Ben waved to them as they drove off and Dean put on some music to get into his “groove” for the night. The Allman Brothers sang through his stereo and he bobbed his head and drummed his thumb on the steering wheel, mouthing the words.

_“Well I’m gonna tell everybody,_

_What those young girls will do to you._

_Goodbye now, pretty baby,_

_If I don’t see you no more._

_Lord goodbye now, pretty baby,_

_If I never see you no more.”_

“I feel like one of those lucky fans that is privileged with a pre-show experience.”

Cas’ words cut through the music. _Oh I’ll give you a pre-show experience, big boy. God dammit Dean…no. We’ve gone over this. No._

“You’re already a fan, huh?” Dean tried to keep his tone joking and not suggestive and not hopeful.

“Well it is prejudiced, I suppose considering I always used to enjoy Gabriel’s musical abilities and because you’re my friend I’m predisposed to believe I will enjoy your abilities as well.”

_Oh baby I can show you some abilities you’ll enjoy plenty. Why can’t I stop this…what’s wrong with me, God?_

“The rest of the guys are awesome, too. Chuck and Kevin are really good. We have good chemistry I guess you could say, like we work well together.”

Cas just nodded and turned to look out the window and Dean continued to hum along with the music.

When they got to the Roadhouse the rest of the band was there already, unloading from their cars. They all greeted each other and went inside to start setting up. There was another band opening for them, so they didn’t have to worry about all the technical stuff like amps and whatnot since they would just use what was left on stage and adjust before they performed while Dean talked to the audience. Dean spotted Sam and Sarah sitting close together at a table near the front center of the stage, Sam was saying something in Sarah’s ear and she was laughing and running her hand up and down her husband’s arm. He stopped what he was saying to make a stupid face at her, probably something part of what he was telling her and she covered her face as her whole body shook with laughter. They looked so happy. Dean wanted something like that. Happy, loving, playful. He looked at Cas who he saw was also smiling in Sam’s direction. Dean didn’t know if it was the lighting or the atmosphere or what, but the man looked _beautiful._ It was a smile he hadn’t seen before. It was subtle, but it reached his eyes and his head was tilted in that adorable way and the corners of his eyes were slightly crinkled. Cas turned to meet Dean’s stare and cocked his head the other way, as if confused at what he had caught him looking at. He knew he should say something, anything but thankfully he was interrupted.

“Hey bitches!” Charlie and Jo came over to where the band was standing off stage and gave them all hugs and told them to knock them dead.

“Hey Cas, come sit with us, we’ve got that great table by Sam. Great view from there.”

He tore his eyes away from Dean and obliged the two girls, following them to their seats.

The first band was up and they sounded really good. Dean could tell the lead singer was really nervous but despite that they had great stage energy.

“Thank you guys so much! You guys have been awesome to us! It’s my honor to introduce the next group of guys, the people you came to see! Give it up for FourCheese!” The lead singer brought them on stage and Dean caught his shoulder and smiled at him. He was pretty young, probably 21 or so. “Great job man, really. You guys did awesome!”

“Thank you! See you around man!”

Dean set his guitar on the stand next to the microphone at center stage and let the other guys settle in while he pumped up the crowd.

“Let’s hear it for the guys before us! That was awesome! Alright thank you guys for coming out tonight, I know there are more fun ways to spend a Saturday night than at the best bar in town seeing some beefcakes play some good old fashion classics for you,” he winked at the crowd of young women sitting at the very front table. “I hope you’ll enjoy it. Here’s ‘Jukebox Hero’!”

They always started out with a song that everyone could sing along to and get excited about so that the energy in the audience would start out high and they would be engaged from the beginning. They would follow with another upbeat song and then play two slower songs and end with another upbeat popular song to leave the crowd going crazy. After the first two songs of the night, Kevin came to center stage with Dean and Chuck and Gabe came around to either side of him.

“Hey guys how are you doing tonight?” Chuck asked the audience. “This next one goes out to all the ladies and gents here tonight with their special someone, and from all us single people, it goes out to the lucky ones we end up getting drunk with. Here’s ‘Tennessee Whiskey’, enjoy!”

Gabe traded his bass for Dean’s guitar and he and Chuck began playing the first chords and the crowd cheered. Dean really loved this song and he was excited to perform it. He stepped closer to the mic, waiting for the cue in the music to come in and he scanned the crowd, taking in their expressions, and began singing.

_“Used to spend my nights out in a barroom_

_Liquor was the only love I’ve known_

_But you rescued me from reachin’ the bottom_

_And brought me back from being too far gone”_

His eyes landed on Cas who had a serene look in his eyes that seemed to shine impossibly bright and blue in the dimly lit bar. He was leaning towards the stage, gaze fixed on Dean as he sang, chapped lips turned up in the softest of smiles.

_“You’re as smooth as Tennessee whiskey_

_You’re as sweet as strawberry wine_

_You’re as warm as a glass of brandy_

_And honey I stay stoned on your love all the time.”_

 Kevin harmonized with him softly on the last line of the chorus and then took a step back so Dean could come back closer to the mic. Through the whole song, Cas’ eyes never strayed from Dean’s, as if he were intent on drinking in every word he sang, and Dean couldn’t bring himself to look away either. The sparkling blues were impossible to escape, they were so captivating and Dean felt the rest of the room disappear, as if he were singing directly to Castiel. When Chuck and Gabe strummed the last chorus the crowd erupted in cheers and whistles and applause, breaking Dean out of his trance. He felt his face turn red as he stepped away from the mic as he pretended to adjust something on an amp to hide the blush. He realized how he must have looked, staring at Cas while he sang, and he totally didn’t mean it to be like that. He just happened to not be able to find anything else to look at while he sang. It wasn’t his fault there was nothing else interesting in the room. Not his fault one bit. It meant nothing.

“Here’s ‘Wagon Wheel’ ladies and gents, sing along if you know it!” Kevin introduced the next song and Gabe and Chuck started playing the first chords. Dean snapped out of his head just in time to come in for the first verse.

 _“_ _Heading down south to the land of the pines_  
_I'm thumbing my way into North Carolina_  
 _Staring up the road and pray to God I see headlights_  
 _I made it down the coast in seventeen hours_  
 _Picking me a bouquet of dogwood flowers_  
 _And I'm a-hopin' for Raleigh, I can see my baby tonight”_

The whole band came in to sing the chorus and the audience started clapping in time with the music, singing along. People were swaying in their seats, some in the back had stood up and started dancing and there were a lot of whistles coming from every side of the bar.

 _“So rock me momma like a wagon wheel_  
_Rock me momma any way you feel_  
 _Hey momma rock me_  
 _Rock me momma like the wind and the rain_  
 _Rock me momma like a south bound train_  
 _Hey momma rock me”_

Gabe sang the next verse and gave a charming wink to one of the girls sitting in the front, earning him a few declarations of “I love you Gabe” from around the room. By the time they started singing the last chorus, most people had gotten up to dance. There were lots of drinks going around and every single person in the audience was clapping along to the song and singing. A few couples who really knew how to dance had some two-stepping going, a line dance and some square dancing and Dean loved the sight of what he and his band could do for people. He got a kind of high from seeing how happy their performances could make people. The rush he got from being on stage was like nothing else.

When the song was over Gabe put Dean’s guitar down and picked his bass back up and took the mic off the stand to walk around the stage a bit while Dean had a drink of water, Kevin situated himself with his drums and Chuck switched to an electric guitar. Gabe could work the audience like putty in his hands, in a different way from Dean. He liked to work them up for the last song and encourage them to drink more (to the delight of the bar owners). His easy going, charming bad-boy persona ensured he was swarmed by women at the end of the night, without fail, and the rest of the band loved to watch him do his thing, hoping one of the girls would eventually be the one to get him to put aside the act and (hopefully) settle down.

“Alrightie guys, last song of the night, make it count people! One of my personal favorites, this is ‘Cherry Pie’!”

The crowd went wild with the intro and Dean started singing. The atmosphere was electric by the last chorus.

_“She’s my cherry pie_

_Put a smile on your face ten miles wide_

_Looks so good bring a tear to your eye_

_Sweet cherry pie_

_Sweet cherry pie”_

Everyone was on their feet, cheering, screaming for more, calling for rounds of drinks but Dean’s eyes managed to fall back again on a particular pair of blues. He wasn’t whistling or yelling, but he was applauding very enthusiastically. After the band had gotten off stage they all grouped together at the two tables their friends were at. Everyone congratulated them on a job well done and Sam bought them a round of drinks. Dean agreed to have _one_ drink, since he was driving home after all. He was given a shot of whiskey and Sam winked at him when he gave him the drink, darting his eyes between his brother and Castiel. Dean groaned, wondering if it was obvious to everyone else that he pretty much just serenaded Cas. Charlie and Jo confirmed this when they wiggled their eyebrows suggestively.

_Great. Just great._

His friends managed to not say anything embarrassing to him but decided he didn’t want to stick around to see if more alcohol would produce more teasing from them. He made sure that everyone had a safe way home and then asked Cas if he was ready to leave. They walked outside into the cool quiet night, a stark contrast to the noisy warmth of the bar.

“Cas, would you mind if we took a walk, I just wanna make sure I’m completely utterly sober before I drive us home.”

“Of course Dean.” He had taken off his trench coat and had it draped over one of his arms. “You were amazing tonight. I was right to assume I would be a fan.”

Somehow, even with all the compliments he always got, this utterly simple praise meant the most. “Wow, thanks man. I’m glad you had a good time.”

“I particularly liked the third song you performed. There was something raw and beautiful about it. I’m glad I got to be here to see it.”

Dean gulped. _What does he mean? Was it the staring? The totally nonintentional, completely platonic, strictly friendly and meaningless staring contest? Or maybe he was just an attentive audience member. I mean, it’s a great song. Like, it’s totally whatever. He obviously means it was a great song and we, as a band, did a good job with it._ “Thanks Cas.” That was all he managed to say with a weak smile. _Conceal don’t feel…_

They walked side by side for a while, down the streets of the busy district, not saying anything. Cas eventually put his coat back on, letting his arm that was holding it swing slightly by his side. Their hands brushed a few times and each time Dean felt like the man was sending a current through his body. He was scared he almost tried to hold the man’s hand at one point. _Maybe Sam laced my drink and I’m under the influence. I’m being insane. Just make casual conversation._

“So I noticed you didn’t drink tonight.”

“No, I don’t much care for it.”

“Wait, are you saying you’ve never gotten drunk?”

“Never. I’ve had one drink before, I believe it was in Ireland, and I didn’t care for the taste so I never had another. I can see the appeal of having no inhibitions but I don’t think I need it.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You know your brothers and I, and everyone else for that matter aren’t going to let you go on living your life having never gotten drunk, right?”

“Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we Dean?”

Dean just laughed at him and shook his head. They walked in a comfortable silence for some time after that.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“What? Why?”

“Thank you for this friendship. I won’t lie to you. I came to this city with very low expectations. Quite pessimistically, actually. You see, I’ve seen the world, I’ve tasted food of every origin, met people of every background and lived a day at a time, drinking in the colorful and beautiful variety of this earth. I very much expected to be unimpressed by this life I was coming into. I expected that the sameness of each day would tire me into oblivion and I feared I would resent my decision to come back. Above that, I feared that the attachments I had formed and lost before coming here would eclipse all else and render me unable to find joy in the company of others and disable me from building new meaningful bonds. But you all have pleasantly proven me wrong. I very much value the friendships I have formed with you and the others and the refortified relationships with my brothers. So, thank you.”

Dean didn’t know what to say. He tried not to overanalyze what had just been said and take it at face value as the simple appreciation that it was, but his pesky brain wouldn’t let him. _What kind of attachments is he talking about? What does he mean by meaningful bond? Like, just friends, or what? I mean, I know we’re just friends, and we’re definitely keeping it that way, but does he mean…no. Just friends Dean. Doesn’t matter what he means. You’re just friends._

“Cas, I’m glad I got to meet the mystery brother Gabe and Jimmy always told me about, so I guess, from all of us, thank you for coming back to the city. We’re happy to have you.” _Yeah that’s good. It’s polite, friendly, and totally platonic, no room for misunderstanding._

Castiel just smiled at him and continued walking, their hands still brushing every now and then. It was chilly, so if Dean found himself walking closer to Cas than he started out, he wasn’t to blame. They finally made their way to the Impala and drove home in a comfortable silence. He walked with Cas when they arrived at the Novak house and went inside to get Ben. He wished everyone a good night and Cas came with him to the door.

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to come watch the next installment of _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy sometime this week.”

“Sure, yeah! _Two Towers_ is the best one, by the way, you’ll love it. Umm… how does Wednesday evening sound?”

“That sounds perfect.”

“Awesome. See you then.”

“Good night Dean. Drive safe.”

“Night Cas.” They shook hands and the contact sent sparks down Dean’s spine.

Dean crawled into bed that night unable to shake that blue gaze from his mind. He couldn’t let go of what Cas had said to him during their walk either. This whole just-being-friends thing was going to be harder than he thought. He tried reminding himself of why he couldn’t date the man and fell asleep, exhausting his mind with over analysis.


	9. Castiel's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update. I'm fully moved in to my new apartment and classes have started so I'm getting back in the groove of writing. Hopefully chapters start coming in more frequently, but also my brain is unreliable.  
> This is Cas' point of view. I hope you enjoy seeing through his blue eyes. Let me know what you think!

_He followed Illaha’s outstretched hand though the tall shrubs. Her honey colored locks waved around her face in the wind and her hazel eyes were dancing, lighting up her dirt smudged face. She was moving so fast, gliding over the rough terrain of the valley, and leaving Castiel to struggle to keep up. He tried calling out to the little girl to slow down so that he could reach her and carry her so that she wouldn’t cut her bare feet on the rocky path. He knew what he was trying to say but his voice would not escape his throat, and he could not get close enough to her. She was running backwards so that she was facing him and her back was turned towards the steep base of the mountain she was headed towards. He needed to protect her, keep her safe. He promised her parents. He promised her. An elder brother keeps his promises. A dark cloud was forming behind the bend of the valley, like a sandstorm of ash and dust. The little girl was still completely oblivious and laughed as she called out to him._

_“Lahla jaan!”** Her voice seemed to echo around him. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him but it was as if he was waist deep in mud as he tried to move. The ominous cloud was right behind her, wavering as if with intention. Illaha’s small hands were still stretched towards him but she was no longer smiling. Her mouth was slack, and her eyes looked empty, expressionless. Castiel was just close enough to reach her and pull her into his arms to protect her from whatever danger was in the darkness. He tried to close the space between them by jumping, lunging forward with his fingers desperately trying to grab her from harm’s way. He was so close, he could save her, he could protect her, just like he promised he would. He focused on her outstretched hands that seemed to go limp and then a shrill screech filled the air. He looked up to see the fairy-like child’s face bruised and cut and contorted in pain. And then she was gone in the dust. He clawed at the whirl of sand screaming soundlessly into the storm._

Castiel woke up from his nightmare with tears streaking his face and the blanket damp from his sweat. His throat felt dry and his body ached. He curled up into fetal position and continued to cry silently, clutching the blanket tightly around his shaking chest. _I could have saved her._ He heard an echo of the scream from his nightmare in his head and his tears continued to run. He tried to remember the little girl who had wiggled her way into his heart and made him her brother, as she was at the beginning of the dream. He forced back the image of her abused face and choked on the sniffles he was trying to restrain. This was not the first post traumatic nightmare his mind had conjured but it was one of the more vivid. Every detail of her last cry of terror, every lesion in her skin and every discolored bruise on her face stood out and haunted him. _Illaha, I’m sorry. I’m not the angel you thought I was._

He laid there for several more minutes, trying to calm his breathing before he passed out from hyperventilation. When that didn’t work, he stood up, still shaking, and went to shower. He stood under the rushing cold water and relished in the distracting sensation. His breathing slowed slightly and he just closed his eyes and counted back from one hundred. Guilt and grief threatened to intrude his mind and he did his best to calm down. When his breathing was normal he finished up his shower and got dried off. He brushed his teeth slowly and haphazardly shaved. He got dressed and went to make the bed, returning the blanket to the bed.

When he emerged from his room, Amelia and Claire were at the table eating breakfast and doing a crossword.

“Eight letters. Hint, rose from ‘Mother Love Bone’” Amelia read out with her pen hovering over the puzzle.

“Mom that’s easy! ‘Pearl Jam’ come on!” Claire replied with the slightest hint of sass. Her mother rose her eyebrows at her and the little girl barely shrank down but kept smiling at her.

He wondered if he had shouted in his sleep. He had done that before but he knew he didn’t always vocalize during nightmares. Their countenance did not change as he approached them, so he hoped they hadn’t heard anything.

“Good morning.”

The pair looked up from the table and Claire gave him a wide smile. “Good morning Master Castiel.”

“Good morning Castiel. I just made a fresh pot of coffee. Jimmy went to the office just now for a few hours.”

He went to pour himself a mug of coffee and the smell calmed his nerves. He sat at the table and watched them complete the puzzle. Between the two of them, it didn’t take very long. Claire would occasionally look at Castiel to offer his input but he would just smile at her, and she wouldn’t say anything.

After breakfast he sat on the couch with his laptop, returning emails from his publisher and a few people she had him get in contact with for arrangements of the book release. Claire came and sat next to him on the couch and put on a movie. He finished his correspondences and put his laptop on the coffee table so that he could watch the movie with her. The movie was black and white and two men on screen were conspiring. The main character was unjustly imprisoned and then sought revenge after acquiring large sums of wealth when he escaped. It was an enthralling movie. At the end he felt a tear threaten to escape.

“What movie was this?” he asked when it was over.

“It’s called ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’. It’s based on the book by Alexander Dumas. Isn’t it great?” Claire answered.

“Yes it was quite interesting. I feel sad for Mercedes though; I feel like after everything she still gets the short straw. She doesn’t really get love in the end. Dantes is interesting and enjoyable but I think the lines are really blurred with who he is at the end.”

They continued to discuss the movie until Claire put on another movie.

“This one’s called ‘Brave’. It’s super cool.”

Castiel did enjoy the movie. The red headed heroine was likeable and the story was touching. Claire had cuddled up next to him and they sat like that for a while until Claire broke the silence.

“Are you ok uncle Cas?”

He went still and wondered if they had heard him during his nightmare after all. He tried to keep his composure and pretend like he didn’t know what she was talking about, but his niece was too perceptive for that and her bright eyes were too much.

“Don’t try and hide it. Your eyes were kinda puffy and you looked really sad and tired this morning. I can just tell something is making you sad today. Mommy always says that talking to people we love helps when we’re sad.”

He slumped in his seat and ran his hand over his face. His eyelids still felt tender and he was exhausted.

“I had a nightmare.”

“About what?”

“About a little girl whose family more or less took me in when I was in their village. I stayed with them for a few years and they became another family to me. I cared about them very much. And then…then something bad…very bad happened.”

“Is that why you came back?”

He was surprised, though he knew he shouldn’t be at this point. His niece was intelligent and singularly gifted and perceptive. So he just nodded.

“What happened to her?” she said barely above a whisper.

“She was…” his voice broke and he felt his throat tighten and moisture overtook his vision. “She was taken from us. She was taken from all of us. Too young.” He couldn’t stop the rush of tears this time. Claire said nothing and just stayed cuddled next to him. He couldn’t bring himself to explain how or why or how it was his fault and how he failed her. She gently pulled away and tapped him on the knee to get him to look at her.

“I’m sorry uncle Cas. That is really sad and I’m very sorry it happened. But I know a thing or two about you Master Castiel, so I know that she loved you and wants you to be happy and not crying. I cry too sometimes. Like when Spock died I cried all day, but then mommy told me that when something bad happens to someone we love, we try to be happy so that wherever they are, they don’t worry about us and so that they’re happy because we’re happy.” She smiled at him and jumped in his lap to give him a tight hug with her small arms. How his niece was so incredibly wise beyond her years, he had no clue. But he knew he was thankful for it. He hugged the little girl back and was reminded of Illaha. The two children were so similar and for a moment, he was taken back to when he was in the village and he was hugging her. She had been heartbroken over a dead baby goat they had come across on one of their walks and he had to comfort her just like Claire was comforting him. _I won’t fail anyone else the way I failed you, Illaha._

He finally pulled away from the hug and grinned at her. “You cried all day when Spock died?”

She looked shocked at his question and threw her hands in the air in disbelief. “Of _course_ I cried uncle Cas! That was one of the saddest moments of my life!”

They started laughing together and he felt better.

“Hey uncle Cas?”

“Yes Darth Claire?”

“You get to see uncle Dean sing tonight. That should make you happy.”

Once again, his dear sweet little niece threw a curveball, leaving him sputtering like an idiot. He couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I know you like him. You kept making googly eyes at my birthday. And he kept making googly eyes at you. And! And! And guess what!”

“What…” he worried he didn’t want to hear what the little girl was about to say, judging by the weird look on her face.

“Uncle Dean was making googly eyes at your…” she leaned in and cupper her hands around Castiel’s ear to whisper to him, “…at your bottom.” She looked at him like she had disclosed the nation’s nuclear missile launch codes to him and waited for a response.

“Claire! I’m sure he did no such thing!”

She crossed her arms and did her best pout. “Master Castiel I’m not a dummy! He kept looking at it! I saw! Honest! I really saw it! So don’t worry, he likes you too!”

Luckily for him, Amelia came in to join them in the living room.

“Are you showing uncle Castiel ‘Brave’?” Amelia asked her daughter.

“Mommy, uncle Dean likes uncle Cas, right?”

Castiel looked at his sister-in-law pleadingly to rescue him from the awkward conversation but she just grinned at her daughter and brother-in-law. “Yes honey, Daddy and I both think your uncle Dean likes your uncle Castiel very much.”

He couldn’t believe the betrayal.

“Amelia, surely you don’t think that. Not that I am interested in his attentions anyway. We are simply friends. Good friends at most.” He knew his voice gave him away, but he refused to put stock into something he couldn’t let himself hope for. Their evening watching a movie together was very enjoyable and he found himself looking forward to the next time they would do that. He couldn’t deny his attraction to the man. He was a good father, a kind man, a good friend and everyone he knew had nothing but praise for him. But they didn’t know each other well enough for Castiel to allow himself the luxury of hope. Once Dean found out how damaged he was, the green eyed man would never want him. Castiel knew he had no shot with him, but he would still wish to remain friends. He enjoyed his time with Dean and would rather have that than nothing at all.

 

Jimmy was home when Amelia had lunch ready. They all sat down to eat and Jimmy talked about his short day at the office and Claire talked about the movies she and her uncle watched. Jimmy told his wife he would stay in with her that evening instead of going with everyone else to the Roadhouse. She smiled softly and put her hand over his on the table and mouthed _thank you_ to her husband. That reminded Castiel that he had no idea where or when the show was.

“Jimmy, what time is the show? Dean never told me.”

“Ask him yourself.”

“That wouldn’t be necessary if you could just tell me, considering we are sitting across a table from one another.”

“Ask Gabe.”

Castiel looked at his sister-in-law for help but she offered nothing but a smile. He rolled his eyes and waited until they had cleaned up to call his older brother. After a few rings, he answered.

“Hey Cassie! What can I do you for?”

“Gabriel. Could you be so kind as to tell me where and when exactly is your show tonight? Jimmy is refusing to tell me.”

The sound of the older Novak laughing caused Castiel to roll his eyes.

“Ask Dean, he’s the one who invited you baby bro!”

“Or you could very easily tell me yourself since it is your show as well.”

“No can do, Cassie. I’ll see you tonight!” Gabriel hung up the phone and Castiel grimaced. His brothers were such children. He finally gave in and composed a message to Dean.

_Cas Novak: Hello Dean._

The reply came shortly.

_Dean Winchester: Hey Cas, what’s up?_

_Cas Novak: What time is your show tonight? And where is it?_

Castiel hoped he did not sound too strange asking. He worried Dean may assume he was simply finding silly excuses to speak with him, but he had no choice.

_Dean Winchester: I don’t mind telling you but aren’t you coming with Jimmy?_

_Cas Novak: Jimmy is staying in with Amelia and the children tonight and he and Gabriel refuse to tell me._

His fears were confirmed. Dean thought he was desperate to text him.  

_Dean Winchester: It’s at the Roadhouse at 9. I don’t mind taking you. I’m coming by Jimmy’s place to drop Ben off anyway._

He reread the text multiple times. Interesting. He didn’t seem averse to still talking to him. In fact, he offered to spend more time with him. Perhaps there was hope for their relationsh- _friendship_ \- he corrected himself. There was hope for their friendship yet.

_Cas Novak: If it wouldn’t be of too much trouble to you, then yes that would be nice._

_Dean Winchester: Sure thing man! I’ll text you when I’m headed over._

_Cas Novak: (:_

Alright. So. Not only was he going to see the beautiful man perform, but he would be spending additional time with him in his car. This was good news, seeing as they were friends. He had nothing to be nervous about, seeing as they were just friends. This was a normal thing to do, seeing as they had strict platonic friendship between them.

He spent the rest of the day emailing back and forth with his publisher, confirming final details of the release and advertisements and all the preparations they needed to make. He was so engrossed in the work that he hadn’t noticed the day get away from him. It was when Jimmy alerted him that dinner was ready that he was broken from his concentration.

Dinner was pleasant and teasing comments about his impending evening were at a minimum, which he was thankful for. He had enough on his mind. He didn’t need conflicting emotions about a certain green eyed walking fantasy to crowd in his mess of issues. He was staring at his clothes when he got a message from Dean letting him know that he was on his way. Castiel felt clueless. He didn’t know what sort of clothes were appropriate for the setting and occasion. He didn’t generally concern himself too much with his appearance but he _platonically_ felt the need to look nice, or at the very least, look decent. He contemplated everything much longer than he though because he heard Dean and Ben in the foyer and quickly threw on the first pair of pants and shirt within reach. He put his trench coat on in preparation of the chilly night and went out to where Dean was with Amelia.

“Hello Dean.” The older Winchester looked absolutely incredible in his casual attire. His black leather jacket was a perfect contrast to his skin and smattering of freckles and he couldn’t help but _platonically_ notice the accented curve in his jeans. He quickly remembered Claire’s comment about googly eyes and bottoms and pulled his eyes back up to the perfect amount of facial hair on his perfect jaw.

“Hey, man. Ready to go?”

He waved goodbye to Amelia and Ben and he and Dean drove off. He watched him put on some music and begin to bob his head and drum his thumb on the steering wheel, singing along to the song.

_“Well I’m gonna tell everybody,_

_What those young girls will do to you._

_Goodbye now, pretty baby,_

_If I don’t see you no more._

_Lord goodbye now, pretty baby,_

_If I never see you no more.”_

“I feel like one of those lucky fans that is privileged with a pre-show experience.” He didn’t know what possessed him to phrase it that way, but he couldn’t take it back.

Dean seemed to pause before answering. _Shit, he’s put off by my awkwardness. Wonderful._

“You’re already a fan, huh?” His joking tone came as a relief to Castiel. _Ok good, we’re in the clear. Everything is fine. We’re friends. Friends can be weird. This is friendship. We’re fine. Just be objective from now on. Normal._

“Well it is prejudiced, I suppose considering I always used to enjoy Gabriel’s musical abilities and because you’re my friend I’m predisposed to believe I will enjoy your abilities as well.” He said calculatingly, but then realized his word choice, and his thoughts ran away from him. _There are plenty of abilities I’m sure you possess that I would thoroughly enjoy… Oh no that’s not what I meant. Castiel you meant his talents as a human being. To function properly. Which is apparently a talent. God…I’m fucked._

“The rest of the guys are awesome, too. Chuck and Kevin are really good. We have good chemistry I guess you could say, like we work well together.” Thankfully Dean seemed to not be phased and was able to continue the conversation normally.

Cas just nodded and turned to look out the window to avoid saying anything else potentially dangerous, and Dean continued to hum along with the music.

When they got to the Roadhouse the rest of the band was there already, unloading from their cars. They all greeted each other and went inside, and he watched the band set up. Castiel shot a death glare at his older brother for making his life difficult earlier, but Gabriel just chuckled and continued setting up. He scanned the bar. It was a very homey place. People seemed happy to be there, not just miserably drinking their lives away. In the crowd he spotted Sam and Sarah sitting close together at a table near the front center of the stage. The young couple was laughing and making faces at each other. They were both leaned in very close to the other’s face and Sarah had her hand resting on her husband’s arm while he continued speaking and making strange faces. They were so happy, the picture of love. Castiel wanted warm, comfortable, sure companionship like that. He had never had relations with a person in that way as he had never had occasion. Now that he was back in the city, he certainly had occasion but the guilt over what happened to the sweet girl he failed to protect made him unwilling to pursue such companionship. _I don’t deserve it._ He wanted it so badly, but at the same time was so conflicted. He feared he would fail anyone he let into his life the way he failed Illaha and her family. He found himself looking at Dean, who was curiously looking at him already. Castiel tilted his head in confusion.

“Hey bitches!” Charlie and Jo came over to where they were grouped together and thankfully interrupted what could have been a very awkward exchange of words. They saved him from his incessant verbal diarrhea.

“Hey Cas, come sit with us, we’ve got that great table by Sam. Great view from there.”

He unwillingly looked away from the beautiful man and followed the girls to their seats. The first band that performed was pretty good, but he couldn’t really pay attention. His focus was drawn in by the leather jacket clad man off stage who was currently bobbing his head with the music and talking to his band mates. Before he knew it, said man was coming on stage and addressing the crowd. Dean came to life in a way he hadn’t seen before. He had a different energy buzzing within him and radiating outwards, engaging everyone. He worked the audience up well and when he started singing, Castiel couldn’t help his jaw drop. Dean’s voice was amazing. The first song he sang was upbeat and fun and the crowd was singing along, adding to Dean’s energy. He also enjoyed the second song, but when he started singing the third song, Castiel thought perhaps the involuntary functions in his body had somehow stopped working. His jaw dropped at the raw emotion in his voice and in the way he sang each word. Charlie was right, they did have a great view.

_“Used to spend my nights out in a barroom_

_Liquor was the only love I’ve known_

_But you rescued me from reachin’ the bottom_

_And brought me back from being too far gone”_

Then their eyes locked and Castiel was sure he had died and gone to heaven. Somehow, the wear and tear of his day was washed away when Dean held his gaze and crooned sweetly into the microphone. Everything else disappeared. It was just the two of them. Dean would briefly close his eyes and raise his eyebrows at certain points in the song when his pitch raised but then the green would meet blue again and Castiel wanted the song to last forever.

_“You’re as smooth as Tennessee whiskey_

_You’re as sweet as strawberry wine_

_You’re as warm as a glass of brandy_

_And honey I stay stoned on your love all the time.”_

When the song came to a close, much to Castiel’s dismay, the crowd erupted with applause. Dean turned away from the mic to fidget with something, Castiel couldn’t really tell what. _What was that? Did you just imagine that whole thing? Surely, this man did not just sing directly to_ you _, a broken awkward man, out of all of the attractive people in this bar. Surely it was a mistake on my part. He must have been looking over my head._ Despite his inner turmoil, Castiel couldn’t help that small part of him that was unbreakably happy. It didn’t care about what the rational part of his mind was saying. All it knew was that _Dean Winchester_ , his beautiful, wonderful friend just sang a beautiful wonderful song, and he had a memory now for rainy days of him serenading him. It didn’t matter to that part of his brain that the memory was most likely made up.

During the next two songs, the whole bar had come alive. Dean spread an infectious happiness through everyone. The man was magic. People were singing and dancing and drinking and making merry, and the most interesting point of the whole scene was not the couples dancing or the people singing. The most incredible part of the moment was Dean, who seemed to live for this. His voice was powerful but soothing and exciting all at the same time. At the end of the last song, everyone was shouting for more. _Everyone wants him. Why on earth would he settle for you?_ The nagging was back as soon as he lost sight of Dean. _At least you are friends. Be thankful Castiel. You have his friendship._ He found comfort in this and put on a calm face.

There were congratulations all around and Sam bought the band a round of drinks. He looked at Dean who reluctantly accepted one drink, reminding Sam that he was driving that evening. Dean swallowed a shot of whiskey, and Castiel thought he saw Sam wink at Dean as he handed him the shot. He wondered what joke they were sharing, and wondered the same thing when he saw Charlie and Jo wiggling their eyebrows at him. It must have been an inside joke they shared since they were friends for so long. As the evening continued, he felt a new sense of happiness. These people, these friends of his made him feel good. He was glad he came. It was fun to be out with everybody, regardless how silly they acted. Because in truth it was the silliness that Castiel appreciated. They accepted him as their own and therefore were inclusive of him in their jokes now. This was thanks to Dean, he knew. He was too awkward and socially inept to be accepted by such an amazing ensemble of friends without the nudging of a very well-liked member of the group.

After a while, Dean asked him if he was ready to leave. Castiel agreed and bid everyone a good night. The quiet cool night felt shocking compared to the warm bustling of the bar. It was welcome.

“Cas, would you mind if we took a walk, I just wanna make sure I’m completely utterly sober before I drive us home.”

_A walk under the stars together, yes I thoroughly enjoy this idea. Bravo._

“Of course Dean.” “You were amazing tonight. I was right to assume I would be a fan.” This was the most he could bring himself to say. He prayed Is sounded friendly enough.

 “Wow, thanks man. I’m glad you had a good time.” His smile left Castiel wanting nothing more than to gather the man in his arms and press his face against his chest. The street lights cast shadows of his thick lashes over his high cheekbones and it highlighted all his best features, too.

“I particularly liked the third song you performed. There was something raw and beautiful about it. I’m glad I got to be here to see it.”

“Thanks Cas.” His response was short, but Castiel knew there was warmth behind it.

They walked side by side for a while, down the streets of the busy district, not saying anything. Cas eventually put his coat back on, letting his arm that was holding it swing slightly by his side. Their hands brushed a few times and each time Cas felt like the man was sending a current through his body. He wanted to reach over the close the torturous gap between them. He was scared he almost tried to hold the man’s hand at one point. _Control yourself Castiel. You have no excuse for this behavior._

“So I noticed you didn’t drink tonight.” Dean’s words brought him back to the moment.

“No, I don’t much care for it.”

“Wait, are you saying you’ve never gotten drunk?”

“Never. I’ve had one drink before, I believe it was in Ireland, and I didn’t care for the taste so I never had another. I can see the appeal of having no inhibitions but I don’t think I need it.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You know your brothers and I, and everyone else for that matter aren’t going to let you go on living your life having never gotten drunk, right?”

“Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we Dean?” He hoped his tone was on the friendly side of playful.

Dean just laughed at him and shook his head. They walked in a comfortable silence for some time after that.

“Thank you, Dean.” He said slowly and deliberately, trying to ensure that the man next to him fully understood the magnitude of what he was saying.

“What? Why?” Dean seemed thoroughly clueless.

“Thank you for this friendship. I won’t lie to you. I came to this city with very low expectations. Quite pessimistically, actually. You see, I’ve seen the world, I’ve tasted food of every origin, met people of every background and lived a day at a time, drinking in the colorful and beautiful variety of this earth. I very much expected to be unimpressed by this life I was coming into. I expected that the sameness of each day would tire me into oblivion and I feared I would resent my decision to come back. Above that, I feared that the attachments I had formed and lost before coming here would eclipse all else and render me unable to find joy in the company of others and disable me from building new meaningful bonds. But you all have pleasantly proven me wrong. I very much value the friendships I have formed with you and the others and the refortified relationships with my brothers. So, thank you.”

He thought of Illaha and how he thought after letting her and her family down, he would never smile again. His brothers were the first to prove him wrong, but Dean did something else entirely. The man was like a salve for his wounds. He was pained by his past and would have scars, but Dean and his friendship was helping them heal. _Nothing more than good friends. That’s all._

“Cas, I’m glad I got to meet the mystery brother Gabe and Jimmy always told me about, so I guess, from all of us, thank you for coming back to the city. We’re happy to have you.” Castiel just smiled at him, not knowing what else to do and feeling that the expression was better than any group of words he could have put together. _Castiel, you are a novelist. How are you finding it difficult to form coherent sentences? Shame on you._ The continued walking in amiable silence, and Cas could sense them moving closer together. He kept rationalizing it that the closeness was due to the cold, but again, that small part of his brain was throwing a fit of excitement.

They finally made their way to the Impala and drove home in a comfortable silence. They walked together to the door and both went inside. Dean held his child up and took his stuff and headed for the door. Cas walked with him and hope to whatever god was out there, that Dean would ask to make plans again.

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to come watch the next installment of _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy sometime this week.” Or not. He could be the one to beg Dean to hang out with him. No biggie. Not desperate at all…

“Sure, yeah! _Two Towers_ is the best one, by the way, you’ll love it. Umm… how does Wednesday evening sound?” Castiel was washed over with relief. _Ok being friends is still a thing, he doesn’t think I’m desperate and weird. And if he does, well, it’s good for friends to know you the way you truly are. In this case I’m an awkward little man._

“That sounds perfect.”

“Awesome. See you then.”

“Good night Dean. Drive safe.”

“Night Cas.” They shook hands and the contact sent sparks through Cas’ spine.

That night instead of having nightmares, Cas dreamt pleasantly of green eyes and stubble and black leather jackets. If this was friendship, he would be happy with it, as long as he had free reign in his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **lahla jaan means dear older brother in Persian (the language spoken in the village Cas stayed at)


	10. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry you had to wait so long for this chapter!! Focusing on anything has been hard. Adulting sucks.  
> First of all, listen to "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC for this part. MVP of this chapter is Ben, you'll see why.  
> Thanks for all the support you guys! I hope you enjoy this!

Dean spent Sunday working on a project his supervisor designated to him to have completed by that coming Thursday. He had a team of people working under him for the particular assignment and he knew it was part of his evaluation for the promotion. Most of the day was spent in conference calls with clients and video calls with his team. He took a couple breaks to play with Ben, feed him, change his diapers and tend to his other fatherly duties, but they didn’t last long. He knew he had to get his work done and Dean wanted to have it complete by Wednesday afternoon not only to prove his efficiency but also so that he could have the evening free with Castiel. He was a lot more excited about this second movie night than he cared to admit, but no one had to know. Especially none of his nosy friends who promptly bombarded his phone with messages after the show last night. He had gotten a call from a very drunk Sam and Sarah singing their own, decidedly worse, rendition of “Tennessee Whiskey” and telling him that they would perform it at his and Castiel’s wedding. It was 2:00 in the morning and although it was slightly amusing and slightly adorable that a grown couple was still getting shit faced at 2a.m. together, he didn’t appreciate being woken up. He was more forgiving of their jibe about marrying his raven-haired friend because they were drunk and surely unaware of how ridiculous they were being. He wouldn’t say anything about it to them because he knew bringing it up again would only result in sober, and no undoubtedly worse, covers of Chris Stapleton’s hit song and serious suggestions of a pursuit of the relationship. He didn’t need that. Cas was his friend, end of story. The man was amazing, but off limits for him.

Sarah called to invite him to dinner that evening and he was thankful for it because it meant he didn’t have to do any cooking that night. That of course, was wishful thinking because as soon as he had gotten settled at their house, Sarah asked him to make the cheesy garlic bread. She had cooked spaghetti and meatballs, and she insisted no one could beat Dean’s garlic bread. He gave in to her nudge of his ego and made the damn bread while Sam set the table and Sarah played with Ben.

The meal was great and Dean felt good to be out of his apartment after spending the whole day pretty much constantly working.

“So you crazy kids had a wild night, huh?” Dean wiggled his eyebrows at the couple, trying to embarrass them, but immediately regretted bringing it up. _Damn it, why did you remind them? It’s ok. They were shit faced, they probably don’t even remember. Please don’t remember…_

Sarah burst out laughing and Sam just hid his face with his large hands, shoulders shaking with laughter. Even Ben joined in on the excitement, seeing everyone laughing he starting clapping his hands and giggling.

“Oh my god when I saw that we called you last night I spent an hour trying to remember what we said,”

_Oh thank you sweet baby Jesus._

“And I have to ask, Dean, do you think we could replace you as lead singers?” Sarah asked with a big smile. Sam was holding his stomach now from laughing so hard, rocking back and forth in his chair.

_Well. Shit._

“The band doesn’t even have to take both of us! I’ll take your place and serenade my husband, since that seems to be FourCheese’s thing now.” Sarah laughed.

Dean’s face was beet red and he wanted to hide under the table from his relentless sister-in-law. He mentally punched himself for reminding them.

“Seriously though Dean, that was one of the most romantic things I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something because I’m married to your brother. I thought he had all the sappy genes of the family but apparently you got a share, too, because in all seriousness, that was something out of a movie.”

“Something out of a chick-flick, you might say.” Sam added with a smirk.

“Bit…terdoodle...” Dean caught himself mid word, for Ben’s sake. This only made Sam and Sarah laugh even harder.

“Jerk!” Sam retorted.

“Honestly though Dean, you were beyond obvious last night. And he didn’t look like he was complaining. In fact, I would say Cas was into it. It was like…like you guys forgot anyone else was around. Trust me, I’m on expert,” she said, gesturing to Dean’s moose brother, “And I can tell when two people want and should be together.” Sarah said pointedly.

Dean sighed and put a hand on his face. He already reasoned through this. He already made his peace with the fact that he couldn’t try and make anything happen, regardless of how smart or funny or good with kids the guy was. He tried to maintain his composure, because having to explain over and over again why he wasn’t going to date Cas was getting tiring. He expected his friends and family to understand and support him. Not pester him over every cute blue eyed man that waltzed into his life. Now was not the time, and there were so many reasons Cas couldn’t be a prospect. “Alright. Guys. I’m going to explain why I cannot, and why I will not. And I want you to understand and then leave it as it is once I’m done explaining.”

He spoke for quite a while. Sam and Sarah listened intently, only wanting to help him be happy. He admitted that he _was_ attracted to Castiel but talked about why there was no possibility and how it wasn’t logical for them to engage in a relationship.

“Wow Dean, so grown up of you,” Sarah said when he was done. He wasn’t sure if she was sarcastic or sincere but he didn’t bother inquiring. Sam just put a hand on his shoulder briefly and smiled, but didn’t say anything. For the rest of the evening they talked about how Sarah’s art collections and shows were coming along and about Sam’s preparations for the marathon he and Jo were running.

“Will Bobby and Ellen be there?” Dean inquired. “I haven’t seen them in a while it feels like, and it was really weird that they weren’t at the Roadhouse for the show.”

Sam gave his brother bitch face #24. “If you bothered to text Ellen more, or just ask Jo, they’ve been on a cross country road trip, just the two of them. They’ve been on the road for like, two weeks now.” Sam pulled up a picture Ellen sent them of Bobby with a 72-ounce steak in front of him. Dean made a face that resembled a pout.

“How come she sent you pictures and not me?”

“Because she loves me more and I’m her favorite. And I text her. Which is something you’re very bad at.”

Sarah nodded in agreement. “He’s right, Dean. You only text people when you have to. I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation over text just because. A lesser sister-in-law would give you hell about it.” She smiled smugly at him.

“I’ll give them a call,” Dean grumbled in defeat at the couple. They were right, he wasn’t one to text unless there was a purpose.

After dinner, he helped clean up before he left, thanking Sarah for dinner and promising Sam he would call Ellen the next day. “Good night, I’ll see you guys tomorrow morning. Say bye to aunt Sarah, Ben!”

“Byebye An Shaya!” Ben waved sleepily from his daddy’s arms.

By the time they got home, Ben was fast asleep in his car seat, so Dean just changed him into clean pull up and onesie and put him to bed. He quickly showered, dried off and put on a pair of boxer briefs, enjoying the feeling of the cold sheets against his bare legs. He was tired himself, but couldn’t quite fall asleep so he laid in bed, reading the novel on his nightstand. It was his favorite Vonnegut work, _Slaughter House V_ , and when he got to the part where the aliens wanted Billy Pilgrim and the porn star to mate, he felt like he was lulled enough to turn the light off and ease into sleep. He put the book back on the nightstand and turned his lamp off, getting comfortable in his sheets and comforter. He pulled the pillow next to him into his arms and closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to slow down until he was fast asleep.

 

The next morning, Dean woke up with one pillow fitted under his chest, on his stomach, with the feeling of dried saliva on the side of his face. His neck felt a little tight from the weird position he undoubtedly spent most of the night in, and made sure to stretch thoroughly that morning. It was a slightly rough morning because he was having a hard time getting his son to finish his breakfast. Ben threw a very mild tantrum but Dean was eventually able to coax him into eating all his food. He let Sarah know that the little boy wasn’t in the best mood that morning when he dropped him off before heading off to work himself.

His day at the office went by in a blur. He was tired and his body felt tight all day. He called Ellen on his lunch break, as he promised. They caught up and she told him that they would be back in time for Sam and Jo’s marathon and that she would see him then.

 Jimmy stopped by for a few minutes at one point to go over the budget of a tentative project Dean would possibly be managing. He commented on his friend’s obvious exhaustion and advised him to get some sleep once he got home. Thankfully, he said nothing about his twin, and Dean hoped no one said anything to him about it.

As he was walking out the door, Jimmy turned quickly to add before he left, “By the way, Gabriel says Castiel got one heck of a first show this weekend.” He closed the door behind him with a smug smile before Dean could throw something at him.

_Deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths. Your friends are just immature. They didn’t get enough fun in high school so they’re looking for shits and giggles in your life. That’s all. They’re just immature._

When Dean got home that evening after picking Ben up from Sarah’s, he went to start making dinner, not bothering to change out of his clothes. He was ready for the day to be over. He fixed them flatbread pizzas and while they were in the oven, he quickly changed into sweats. Dean ate dinner quietly while Ben talked about his day. He would occasionally speak when Ben would ask a question, but mostly he listened to his son. He put the dishes in the washer to be washed tomorrow; he didn’t have the energy to clean that night. After they were showered, they snuggled on the couch in front of the television. An “Inspector Gadget” cartoon was on and when Ben fell asleep in his lap soon he put him in his crib and collapsed in his own bed soon after.

 

Tuesday was no better than Monday. Dean was exhausted all day and Ben wouldn’t go to bed that night. He cried and nothing Dean did would get the child to calm down. The little boy eventually tired himself out and fell asleep in his daddy’s arms as he sang “Stand by Me” to him and his breathing evened out and deepened. He put the sleeping child in his crib and pulled the blanket around his shoulders and under his chin. Dean kissed him softly and tiredly. He knew this was just a part of parenthood. Being a dad – especially a single parent – was no walk in the park. It was hard and tiring and could be frustrating, but even one smile from Ben made it all worth it.

Dean looked at the time. 9:17. He decided he would put in an hour of work on the nearly completed project. He and his team would easily have it done the next day with all the effort Dean had put in. An extra hour tonight would just make tomorrow go more smoothly. His phone alerted him of a text message and he looked at his lock screen to see who it was.

Cas texted him. Curiously, Dean opened the message.

_Cas Novak: Hello Dean. I’m sorry to bother you at this late hour, but I wanted to confirm for tomorrow._

Dean suddenly had an idea and before he could think it over, he typed it out and hit send.

_Dean Winchester: Hey Cas! No worries, I’m still up, just getting some work done. Why don’t you come over at 6 for dinner?_

He stared at the screen, waiting for his reply.

_Cas Novak: That would be wonderful. I will see you at 6 tomorrow evening._

_Dean Winchester: Awesome. See you!_

_Cas Novak: (:_

Just like that, Dean’s mood was uplifted. He knew he would be able to leave the office earlier the next day since he would be done with the current project. That meant he could take Ben grocery shopping, which the child would love, and then come home and cook dinner, the three of them could eat together, and then watch the movie. _Perfect._

At 10:30 Dean saved and backed up his work and turned his laptop off and went to bed, falling into the first restful sleep in three nights.

Wednesday morning reflected Dean’s mood. Ben was all giggles the whole morning, making Dean that much happier. It was going to be a good day.

The completion of the project was seamless and every member of his team seemed very happy and satisfied with their submission and with his leadership. His supervisor was commending of their efficiency and clapped Dean on the back with a smile, telling him to report to his office Friday morning for a brief follow up. Dean was sure it was to discuss the promotion – hopefully – but he wasn’t one to count his eggs before they hatched, so he tried to think nothing more of the matter. He left the office at 3:00 and picked Ben up from Sam and Sarah’s. They stopped at the grocery store on their way home to pick up what they needed for their dinner. Dean decided they would have lasagna, it was delicious and fun to make, and he hadn’t had it in a while. He and Ben weaved in and out of the aisles, finding what they needed. Ben walked beside Dean, kale in hand, and smiled wide for all the store employees who would wave adoringly at him.

While they waited in the check-out line, Dean couldn’t help but remember the first time he met Castiel, waiting in line. He smiled at the memory, and kept smiling all the way home. It was 4:45 by the time they walked inside the apartment. Dean figured he had plenty of time before Cas was due to come over, so he put all the groceries away and took Ben to shower and get dressed. While they washed up, Dean started humming a song, which caused his son to laugh, so Dean starting singing and Ben cooed along, clapping his soapy little hands. Once they were out and dried off, Dean dressed his son in a Charizard onesie and went to his closet to dress himself. He dropped his towel and put on a pair of green boxer briefs and one of his nicer pairs of grey joggers. He paired it with a white t shirt and a black and red flannel shirt over it. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and combed through his damp hair with his fingers once, and set out to start cooking. The clock read 5:25 which meant – or at least he thought it meant – he had an hour and thirty-five minutes to have everything ready before his guest arrived. He put some music on and turned on a cartoon on his tablet for Ben to watch in the kitchen while he cooked. He made his lasagna a lot different from the classic recipe. He loaded it with vegetables as well as meat and he took some time cooking the ingredients of each layer. First he sliced squash into long, thin pieces, soaked them in salt water for ten minutes, rinsed them off, and then put them on a baking sheet. He seasoned them well and put them in the oven to bake. He was in the middle of cooking the ground beef when the doorbell rang. It was 6:00, so he was absolutely clueless as to who it would be. He looked through the peep hole, and sure enough, blue eyes were staring back at him.

He opened the door and Castiel’s small smile disappeared immediately and he furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side. He was dressed in well-fitting blue jeans, a black v neck and beige cardigan. He was holding a bottle of wine…no wait, a bottle of _sparkling apple juice_ in his hands.

“Hello Dean,” he said slowly. “Is something wrong?”

Dean realized he must have had a confused look on his own face and traded it for a smile and shook his head. “No, no, it’s just, you’re an hour earlier than I expected. Which is totally fine! I just haven’t finished cooking.”

Cas’ eyes squinted slightly. “It is six o’clock, is it not?”

Dean checked his phone. Yup, 6:01. “Yeah… but,” He scrolled through his messages and then brought his palm to his forehead, entirely embarrassed. “I’m an idiot. I swore I told you seven. But come on in, sorry.”

Castiel just smiled and followed him inside. Dean took the bottle from his hand and examined it. “Cas, I know I don’t look a day over twenty, but you do know I’m old enough to drink, right?”

“Hmm. The way you act had me under the impression that you couldn’t be more than ten years old.” Castiel smirked, teasing back. Dean was taken off guard, but couldn’t help but laugh. “Anyway, to my understanding, it is customary for _adults_ to bring bottles of wine when going to an _adult_ friend’s home for dinner. I elected the non-alcoholic option because, judging by the fact that you go to lengths to keep alcohol in very limited quantities and stowed away, I assumed that you did not like to have it around Ben. Hence, sparkling apple juice.”

Dean smiled at his thoughtfulness, but then broke into a grin. “You just don’t like the taste of wine, that’s why! Isn’t it? You told me that night after the show you don’t like it!” The look on Cas’ face made Dean laugh even harder. He looked like a child who was caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“No Dean, I’ve never had wine, therefore I couldn’t possibly make a decision based on something I have no opinion of. I told you I didn’t care for the taste of beer.” He was clearly trying to regain his composure but the embarrassed look on his face persisted.

“Cas if you wanted juice with dinner, you didn’t have to bring your own.” He opened the fridge and pulled out a green carton of apple juice with the plastic straw wrapped up on the front, and offered it his friend. “I always keep the house stocked with Juicy Juice for Ben!” Castiel snatched the little carton from him and raised it as if he were going to throw it back at him. Dean flinched in preparation, ready to try and catch it or at least block it from hitting his face. Instead, the blue eyed man brought the carton back down, unwrapped the straw and stuck it into the foil hole on the top, and proceeded to drink from it. He slurped up the last drops with loud obnoxious sucks, and when he was satisfied that it was empty, chucked it at Dean’s unsuspecting face. _I’ll give him something to suck… Ah dammit this is going to be a long night…_

Castiel went to sit next to Ben and the little boy immediately dropped the cartoon, apparently finding climbing all over the man much more entertaining. Castiel laughed and grabbed and tickled Ben’s legs, but let him crawl onto his shoulders. He didn’t even try to stop Ben from getting a fistful of his hair and pulling, as if steering the man. Cas put his hands on Ben’s ankles and waddled around the room making plane noises, sending the child into a fit of giggles and clapping. Dean felt his heart drop into his butterfly filled stomach. Watching Cas dote on and play with Ben was beautiful. He went back to preparing the ingredients for their dinner and Cas joined him in the kitchen, still bobbing Ben up and down on his shoulders.

“Allow me to help, Dean.”

“Umm ok, yeah. Let’s see…you could...” he scanned the kitchen for what needed to be done. “Could you take care of the meat?”

He swore something flashed in the deep blue irises that were staring at him. Something almost _devlish_.

“Yes Dean, I will gladly take care of your meat.”

_HOLY FUCK DID HE JUST- WAS THAT…HOLY. HELL. INNUENDO. SEXUAL. ABOUT SEX. REMAIN CALM. IT WAS A JOKE, JUST BE COOL, JOKE BACK._

“Me too.”

_WHAT THE FUCK? ME TOO? WRONG ANSWER DEAN, THAT MAKES NO SENSE OH GOD IT’S AWKWARD NOW-_

“Is there a certain way I need to beat the meat? Any specific tools you would prefer me to use?” Castiel was looking at Dean in a way that was outwardly controlled but there was clearly something going on behind those beautiful eyes. The corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly and he pressed his lips into a tight line as if to suppress a smile.

_Ok, ok, funny guy. Don’t let it get to you, it’s a joke. He’s your friend. Dude friends make meat jokes. It’s just what dude friends do. Make a meat joke._

“Use lube.”

Dean mentally kicked himself. His knuckles had gone white around the onion and knife in each of his hands and he was standing straight and stiff, clenching muscles he didn’t know could be clenched. He was fully aware of the awkward mess he was making himself out to be, but Cas’ jokes were catching him completely off guard. He had never been thrown off like this before, never had difficulty being coherent with anyone before. _Maybe just don’t talk anymore…_

Cas cocked one of his eyebrows. “Do you make a habit of including such ingredients in your meals? And if so, are the others aware?”

Dean managed a nervous smile and handed Cas everything he would need to _prepare_ the meat, and resumed chopping the onion. Castiel put Ben down from his shoulders to begin the task at hand. There was a quiet moment that passed between the two men when their elbows brushed, but luckily Ben waddled in with a record in his hands. Dean took it and smiled down at his son.

“You want me to play this, buddy?”

“Dadeedee! Dee!” His daddy of course understood exactly what he wanted and went to put the vinyl under the needle. AC/DC filled the room and immediately the tension dissipated. Dean started off singing along just mumbling but with each song he got a little louder and more comfortable. By the time everything was ready to assemble the lasagna, Dean had to change to side B of the record, and the music started again.

Ben had gotten Cas to pick him up again and they watched Dean layer the meat and vegetables and cheese and squash and noodles and sauce skillfully. Dean swayed his hips to the music as he sang and beside him, Cas and Ben were doing their own little dance. As soon as he covered the lasagna with foil and had it in the oven, there was a brief silence between songs.

The familiar guitar entry started up and Dean picked up an imaginary instrument and began playing air guitar very enthusiastically.

_“She was a fast machine_   
_She kept her motor clean_   
_She was the best damn woman I had ever seen_   
_She had the sightless eyes_   
_Telling me no lies_   
_Knockin' me out with those American thighs”_

Cas was doing something that resembled a twist with Ben perched on his hip. Dean joined in their odd dance and tried mimicking the other man’s strange but relaxed and happy movements. He sang along and Ben started babbling with his daddy. Cas held an imaginary mic to the little boy and Dean laughed through his words. When the chorus started they were jumping and twisting and wiggling their waists.

_“My mind was aching_   
_And we were making it_   
_And you shook me all night long_   
_Yeah you shook me all night long_   
_Knocked me out I said you_   
_Shook me all night long_   
_You had me shaking and you_   
_Shook me all night long_   
_Yeah you shook me_   
_When you took me”_

Cas put Ben down and he and Dean each held one of the boy’s hands and joined their own hands to make a circle. Together they lifted Ben and swung him around to the child’s extreme delight. Cas sang along to the words he picked up on and Dean belted out the lyrics to his heart’s content. He felt incredible. As the songs changed, the trio kept up their odd dancing until the record needed to be changed. The two men were both slightly out of breath and the sat on the floor with a huff, hands still together.

Dean sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, leaning on one elbow towards Cas, who was sitting cross legged and leaning back on the hand that wasn’t currently holding Dean’s.

Ben ran around them, still clearly keyed up. He put his hands on both men’s shoulders where they were holding hands and tried to push himself up. Blue met green with equally large smiles, but when Dean’s eyes dropped to where they were still connected, he withdrew his hand in the guise of hoisting his son up to his shoulders. It felt so natural that he hadn’t even noticed when he took the other man’s hand to begin with. _Cool it, Winchester._ He kept reminding himself, but a part of him wanted to ignore the warnings and dive into whatever this was between them. It wasn’t like touching him was electric or anything crazy like that, it was better. It felt like his hand belonged there, slotted between Cas’ fingers. It was comfortable and natural.

They looked at each other again and Dean felt very aware of how closed they were sitting, leaned in towards each other the way they were. He was tempted to let his eyes travel down to his friend’s lips, but his gaze felt locked, like Cas’ eyes weren’t letting him go. He didn’t know if or when he started leaning closer but their faces were nearing very slowly. All the while, Dean searched his friend’s face for something, _anything_ that could give him insight on what he was thinking. He could hear and barely feel Castiel’s breath from his parted lips.

Before he could decide that he did or didn’t want to keep going, his whole body was pushed forward onto Cas, crushing their lips and hands and torsos together. Dean’s hands are on either side of his friend’s face and their mouths are slotted together. Cas has one arm wrapped around his shoulder and one hand on his bicep. Everything felt incredibly warm and _nice._ Their weights were pushing against each other but somehow he felt relaxed against his friend.Ben was sitting triumphantly on both of them, on his daddy’s back, having finally conquered the push he needed to crawl onto Dean’s shoulders.

Dean and Cas pulled their lips away from each other, breathless from the rush of the suddenness of what just happened. They maintained their position for just a moment longer, as if collecting themselves and taking in the situation. Dean was the first to break away, careful to maneuver so that Ben was riding piggy back now.

_Shit. Ok. That happened. But it was an accident. Ben pushed me down and I fell on him. And our mouths just kinda fell that way. And my hands were on his face…to try and catch myself. And he had his arms around me to- to uhh…break my fall. Yeah. His lips caught me to break my fall so Ben and I wouldn’t get hurt. He was just being the great friend that he is. And I just reacted like a normal human being. It’s all good. Smile. Everything is fine. SMILE, dammit._

Luckily for him, the timer of the oven went off and he scampered up to go check on their dinner, letting Ben and Cas follow behind him. He took the lasagna out and put the garlic bread in to cook while he served the lasagna on their plates to get time to cool. The three of them set the table together and then Cas helped Ben wash his hands and situate himself in his chair. They Dean opened the bottle that Cas brought and poured himself and Castiel a glass. Once everything was ready and they were all seated, Dean took a pause before he started eating. He remembered that Jimmy and his family always said Grace before a meal, and he wondered if Cas did that, too.

“Do you wanna say Grace before we eat, or…” Dean trailed off.

Cas looked at him with an almost pained expression, then looked down. “I do not do that anymore. The things I’ve seen… I’ve lost faith, Dean. If religion is something you wish to instill in Ben, please do not refrain on saying Grace on my account. But I personally do not partake.”

Dean wondered what he was referring to when he said he’d seen things that caused him to lose faith. He wanted to know. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to understand so that he could wipe that upset expression off his friend’s face. “Yeah we don’t do that, but Jimmy does, so I just wanted to see if you did, too.”

Cas just shook his head. “I acknowledge what a gift this is to share a meal and an evening with you and Ben, but I am convinced there is no One. And if there is, He isn’t listening. So, let’s eat. I’m famished.” Castiel dug his fork into the lasagna and brought the piece to his mouth. He closed his eyes and let out a satisfied mewl as he chewed.

“Dean this is amazing!” Cas said between bites. They shared comfortable conversation the rest of the evening, as though none of the awkwardness had actually happened. Ben fell asleep while they spoke, and the two of them put the little boy to bed in his crib before returning to the living room to watch television. Old episodes of Star Trek were playing, and they spent a long time discussing the merits of Pike and Kirk and comparing the two men’s capabilities as captain.

As much as Dean hated it, he was very conscious of their body language; if he felt he was getting too close or too comfortable, he would readjust to a more strictly platonic position. No reason to repeat the events and risks of earlier. Castiel didn’t leave until late. At the door they didn’t shake hands, instead they hugged briefly, for some strange reason, and said their good nights in low voices only they could hear.

If Dean wasn’t so tired, he would have stayed up contemplating the nature of the evening, but instead, he collapsed into dreams of getting lost in the bluest irises to ever blue. _Platonic_ was a lot harder than he thought. Dean fell asleep with the melody of “You Shook Me All Night Long” on his mind drifting into a dream filled sleep of singing in the kitchen.


	11. Castiel's POV 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to space out my "Castiel POV"s more, but I couldn't exclude it when they finally had their first (kind of) kiss!

Castiel was punctual as usual, arriving at Dean’s apartment exactly at 6:00. He had brought a bottle of sparkling apple juice because he had found whiskey stashed away, hidden very well, when he was looking for something while babysitting Ben. Castiel figured it meant Dean wanted to limit how much alcohol was around Ben as much as he could. He wanted to respect that. Also, he never had wine, and did not intend to discover if he disliked it and potentially embarrass himself that night.

He was brimming with excitement the whole day over the prospect of watching the next installment of _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy with Dean and getting to spend the evening with him and Ben. The little boy was an absolute delight, and he was becoming more and more verbose each time he saw him. Regardless of how childlike it was, his vocabulary was growing and Cas loved watching him grow, despite only knowing him for a very short period of time.

Castiel was puzzled when he saw the bewildered look on Dean’s face when he opened the door. Some of his excitement converted to anxiety when he saw him. _Is there something on my face? Is my zipper down? Is today the wrong day?_

“Hello Dean,” he said very hesitantly. “Is something wrong?”

Thankfully, a small smile spread over Dean’s face. “No, no, it’s just, you’re an hour earlier than I expected. Which is totally fine! I just haven’t finished cooking.”

Castiel was again, puzzled. “It is six o’clock, is it not?”

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. “Yeah… but,” He scrolled his thumb over the screen, then brought his palm to his forehead, a slight flush of pink creeping at his face. “I’m an idiot. I swore I told you seven. But come on in, sorry.”

Castiel just smiled and followed him inside. Dean took the bottle from his hand and examined it. “Cas, I know I don’t look a day over twenty, but you do know I’m old enough to drink, right?”

“Hmm. The way you act had me under the impression that you couldn’t be more than ten years old.” Castiel smirked, teasing back, unsure where this confidence was coming from within himself. Dean laughed. “Anyway, to my understanding, it is customary for _adults_ to bring bottles of wine when going to an _adult_ friend’s home for dinner. I elected the non-alcoholic option because, judging by the fact that you go to lengths to keep alcohol in very limited quantities and stowed away, I assumed that you did not like to have it around Ben. Hence, sparkling apple juice.” He decided to leave out the fact that he had no idea whether he even liked wine or not, because, Dean didn’t have to know.

Dean smiled softly, but then broke into a grin as if epiphany struck. “You just don’t like the taste of wine, that’s why! Isn’t it? You told me that night after the show you don’t like it!”

He had no idea how Dean recalled that small detail. He himself, of course on the other hand had every moment of that night stowed away, filed in his permanent memory. He mentally scrambled to come up with a retort.

“No Dean, I’ve never had wine, therefore I couldn’t possibly make a decision based on something I have no opinion of. I told you I didn’t care for the taste of beer.” He knew he must look as embarrassed as he felt but he did his best to maintain his composure.  

“Cas if you wanted juice with dinner, you didn’t have to bring your own.” Dean opened his fridge and brought out a small carton of juice and offered it to him with a teasing smile. “I always keep the house stocked with Juicy Juice for Ben!” Castiel considered throwing the cold juice box at his face, or poking a hole in it and squirting it all over him, but decided that might not be the best thing to be teaching Ben. So he drank it as obnoxiously as he possibly could and then threw the empty box at him, hitting him square in the beautifully smug face, wiping the grin away. He then went to sit next to Ben, leaving a slightly dazed looking Dean where he stood. Ben clambered to find a comfortable seat on his shoulders and grabbed fistfuls of the dark hair. He tugged enthusiastically, which was unpleasant, but nothing compared to the delightful squeals he was letting out. Cas moved around the room making airplane noises, becoming absorbed in the sounds of Ben’s laughter. He was such a beautiful child, and Dean was doing such a great job with raising him in a secure, loving environment.

He saw Dean go back to the meal preparation and bounced along with Ben to join him.

“Allow me to help, Dean.” Castiel enjoyed cooking. He was not ever very good at it, but he had eaten food from every corner of the world and learned how to make the things he liked. His brothers always raved about Dean’s cooking and he was eager to try it, but worried the man liked to be in control in his own kitchen and wouldn’t want him to help. The hesitation in Dean’s face was apparent and Castiel couldn’t help but feel the slightest twinge of defeat.

“Umm ok, yeah. Let’s see…Could you take care of the meat?”

As soon as the words were spoken, Castiel’s spirits lifted. This was a good sign in his friendship with Dean. Before he could even think about what he was saying, the words spilled out of his mouth.

“Yes Dean, I will gladly take care of your meat.”

_Oh no…oh no no no I’ve been spending far too much time with Gabriel. He will not perceive it as a joke! I’ve effectively ruined the evening, possibly our relationship…I mean friendship. He will get angry and ask me to leave, why do I do this? He is going to be so angry with-_

“Me too.”

_Is he…flustered? Hmm. This may just be the most ideal way this could be playing out. But, Dean Winchester, flustered? I have to see how far I can take this, but not too far. Just, far enough. Whatever that means._

“Is there a certain way I need to beat the meat? Any specific tools you would prefer me to use?” Castiel tried his damnedest to keep a straight face and fought away the smile that was threatening his lips. He watched the color creep up again at his friend’s face and it contrasted in the most glorious way with his freckles. Cas liked this look. He liked the unguarded shyness, the way his lips were slightly parted in confusion, how the gold flecks in his emerald eyes were more noticeable when the pupils dilated. _Dilated pupils. Slightly labored breathing. Rushing of blood. Tensed posture. I have the upper hand in this game, these are telltale signs of his arous- wait. IS DEAN AROUSED? BECAUSE OF ME? Ok, ok calm down, he may just be nervous. Or uncomfortable. He looks beautiful like this…WAIT. AM I AROUSED? Ok, stay in control. Figure whatever this is out._

 “Use lube.” Dean’s voice sounded rushed, almost like a question trying to pass as a statement. Castiel looked at the man’s posture; his knuckles were white, his back was straight, stiff, and his eyes were wide and seemed to be looking for something, _anything_ to look at other than Castiel. He found he rather enjoyed this. He had never seen the green eyed man in this frazzled state before, and he was encouraged to try and break the tension before the poor man broke himself. _Make a more obvious attempt at humor. Say something funny._

Cas cocked one of his eyebrows. “Do you make a habit of including such ingredients in your meals? And if so, are the others aware?”

His effort was successful and Dean’s face relaxed into a still slightly nervous smile, and he handed Cas everything he would need to _prepare_ the meat, and then resumed chopping the onion. Castiel put Ben down from his shoulders to begin the task at hand. There was a quiet moment that passed between the two men when their elbows brushed, but luckily Ben waddled in with a record in his hands. Dean took it and smiled down at his son.

“You want me to play this, buddy?”

“Dadeedee! Dee!” Dean complied with his son’s request and played the record. The music sounded familiar, but Castiel could not quite put his finger on it. The effect it had on the atmosphere was immediately pleasant. Dean loosened up considerably and began mumbling the lyrics, but as each song progressed, he got louder and more understandable. Ben reached his arms up to Cas to indicate that he wanted him to pick him up again and they watched Dean layer the meat and vegetables and cheese and squash and noodles and sauce skillfully. Dean swayed his hips to the music as he sang and Castiel couldn’t help but move along to the music with Ben, too. While Dean put the covered lasagna into the oven, there was a slight pause in the music before an upbeat guitar and drum filled the air. Dean’s face lit up in recognition of the song and began playing a very enthusiastic air guitar.

 _“She was a fast machine_  
She kept her motor clean  
She was the best damn woman I had ever seen  
She had the sightless eyes  
Telling me no lies  
Knockin' me out with those American thighs”

Cas let the rhythm get to him and started dancing with Ben. Dean joined in and tried mirroring his undoubtedly awkward movements. Castiel enjoyed dancing and was well versed in many different styles of dance, but he was clueless with this kind of music, so he let the beat control his movements. Dean sang along and Ben started babbling with him. Cas held an imaginary mic to the little boy and Dean laughed through his words. When the chorus started they were jumping and twisting and wiggling their waists.

 _“My mind was aching_  
And we were making it  
And you shook me all night long  
Yeah you shook me all night long  
Knocked me out I said you  
Shook me all night long  
You had me shaking and you  
Shook me all night long  
Yeah you shook me  
When you took me”

Cas put Ben down and he and Dean each held one of the boy’s hands and joined their own hands to make a circle. Together they lifted Ben and swung him around causing him to burst into laughter. Cas sang along to the words he picked up on and Dean belted out the lyrics, sounding very good. Castiel appreciated Dean’s musical abilities very much. Everything about this evening felt incredible to him. As the songs changed, the trio kept up their odd dancing until the music stopped. Castiel and Dean both slumped to the floor, slightly out of breath from the jumping around. Without realizing, neither man released the other man’s hand.

_I should work out…this is pitiful. I’ve scaled mountains, this should be no big deal._

He was sitting cross legged and leaning back on the hand that wasn’t currently holding Dean’s, who sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, leaning on one elbow towards Cas.

Ben ran around them, clearly feeding off of the excitement of the evening. He put his hands on both men’s shoulders where they were holding hands and tried to push himself up. Blue met green with equally large smiles, but when suddenly Dean withdrew his hand from where they were clasped and placed it on his son’s waist to help him up to sit on his shoulders. Castiel felt his heart sink ever so slightly. He hadn’t even realized that they were holding hands until that moment. Sitting together, tired with their fingers laced…that was a shared moment of intimacy in a way that Castiel was sure surpassed platonic friendship. His palm felt cold now without Dean’s calloused skin against his. He tried to relax it and press it down flat against the floor to play it off and avoid giving away any trace of disappointment. He liked Dean, there was no denying it. The man was absolutely amazing in every way. He was sure the interest was not returned, but little things like this and subtle flirtatious exchanges made him wonder. He never had a relationship, save for the few in his school days that didn’t really mean anything or really count for anything. They were insignificant, unlike Dean. Dean was something great, something to cherish, and he knew the man would never want to be with him, especially when he realized how much emotional baggage he was carrying. So the simple friendship that he was lucky enough to have would be treasured for everything it’s worth. He was happy with it. He didn’t deserve any more, but that didn’t seem to translate well to the voice in his head that was encouraging him to explore the possibilities.

They looked at each other again and Cas became hyperaware to their close proximity of one another. He couldn’t find it in himself to look away from the captivating sea of green and gold that were Dean’s eyes. Castiel had met many people, looked into countless eyes, and he could say with absolute confidence that this man’s eyes were the most breathtaking. They were a unique hue of green that changed with light and somehow the gold flecks stood out beautifully no matter the shade. Dean wasn’t looking away either and Cas searched for _anything_ to tell him what was on the man’s mind. His breath hitched slightly when he realized that they were both slowly, gradually leaning towards each other. His lips involuntarily parted, nervous of what was happening between them.

Before he could register what was happening, Dean’s body was on his. Their lips were crushed together and Dean’s hands had found their place on either side of Castiel’s face, as if holding him in place. In response, he wove his arm around Dean’s shoulders to hold him close and put his hand on his bicep to steady him. Their torsos were pressed up against each other’s, as if seeking more contact. Dean’s lips were as soft as Castiel had imagined, if not better. There was an indescribably pleasant warmth and comfort in their current position, and Cas never wanted the feeling to go away. Every doubt and intruding thought of impossibility was flushed away by the warmth. This was what he wanted.

Dean and Cas pulled their lips away from each other, breathless from the rush of the suddenness of what just happened. They maintained their position for just a moment longer, as if collecting themselves and taking in the situation. Dean was the first to break away, careful to maneuver so that Ben was riding piggy back now. And Cas’ heart actually sank. _It was an accident. Ben knocked him into me. He didn’t want that. It. Was. An. Accident. How could you even think he would initiate that with_ you _? He’s always pulling away. Just smile through and appreciate the friendship. It was an accident._

As if in confirmation of his thoughts, Dean swiftly went to the kitchen when the oven timer went off to check on their dinner. Castiel smiled at Ben in defeat, and followed with a slight slump in his walk. They set the table together and Dean served out pieces to cool. He busied himself with helping Ben wash his hands and when they sat down Dean poured him and himself a glass from the bottle he brought. Once settled, Castiel was about to begin eating, but he noticed Dean sitting, almost expectantly.

“Do you wanna say Grace before we eat, or…” Dean trailed off.

Castiel looked at him with an almost pained expression, then looked down. “I do not do that anymore. The things I’ve seen… I’ve lost faith, Dean. If religion is something you wish to instill in Ben, please do not refrain on saying Grace on my account. But I personally do not partake.” This was a sore subject, having been raised in a very religious family only to forsake those beliefs once he grew up.

“Yeah we don’t do that, but Jimmy does, so I just wanted to see if you did, too.” Dean didn’t seem to be judgmental or too questioning, only concerned.

“I acknowledge what a gift this is to share a meal and an evening with you and Ben, but I am convinced there is no One. And if there is, He isn’t listening. So, let’s eat. I’m famished.” He had learned the hard way that whatever God or gods exist, are cruel ones. They allow innocents to be torn to shreds by evil and allow that evil to haunt people forever. Prayers were never answered and salvation couldn’t be found. What was worse, when he stopped believing in them, the cruel gods stripped his belief in himself. He wasn’t a nihilist by any means, but he learned not to put meaningless effort into prayer or religion. You had to make your own way in the world, put things in your own hands. No god would save you. Castiel dug his fork into the lasagna and brought the piece to his mouth to drive his point home to Dean.

“Dean this is amazing!” Cas said between bites. He was happy to think about something more pleasant than his religious crisis. His brothers’ praise of Dean’s cooking was well-founded. The meal was absolutely delicious. They shared comfortable conversation the rest of the evening, as though none of the awkwardness had actually happened. Castiel was fine with this. He didn’t need it rubbed in anymore that he could never actually have whatever happened earlier. Ben fell asleep while they spoke, and the two of them put the little boy to bed in his crib before returning to the living room to watch television. Old episodes of Star Trek were playing, and they found themselves fall into easy conversation about one of the only things in pop culture that Castiel was well-versed in. He used to love watching it with his brothers and it was nice to be able to have lengthy discussions about their views on Pike and Kirk as captains. Dean was a wonderful conversationalist.

It was very late when Castiel decided to call it a night and leaving, apologizing for keeping Dean awake yet again, when he had work in the morning. At the door, he felt surprised when instead of shaking hands, Dean took him into a hug. Barely managing to get his voice out, he wished Dean a good night and left, savoring the warmth he got to enjoy again.

On his drive back to Jimmy’s home he laughed. The reason he had gone to Dean’s home that evening was to watch the second _Lord of the Rings_ movie, and they had somehow managed to forget that in the midst of meal preparations and natural conversation. It was a very enjoyable evening, yet again. Dean’s presence made him feel differently than he was used to feeling. He was accustomed to feeling like an addition rather than an actual part of the whole. Growing up, although he was close to his brothers, he was still the black sheep. When he travelled, he was just that, a travelling outsider. Although he was welcomed by many of the people he met and treated very nicely, he was never made to feel like one of them. Illaha was the exception, until now. She had taken him in and named him her brother and took away his nomadic discomfort. But then that was taken away from him and he feared he would never have that feeling again. But then he met Dean and despite only knowing each other for a short time, spending time with Dean and Ben feels like coming home. He has a sense of belonging, like they are a unit, complements rather than additions. Up until now he didn’t care much for the idea of _love_ outside of the familial sense, only giving it thought when discussing literature. But now, he had a reference. He had read about it so much that he thought he had an understanding; he knew the chemistry behind it, he knew the philosophical implications, but experience is so much different than reading. He had no frame of reference until now for the formerly foreign concepts he read so much about. He appreciated and recognized the symptoms now. He understood what it meant to have your heart hammer in your chest over someone’s presence, he knew the dark pit feeling of unrequited affection, he appreciated the flutter of hope for possibility. As a writer, Castiel knew that this awakening was the best gift Dean could have given him. He travelled the world, but this was an experience he could only get by coming back to this boring town he was now happy to call home.

This realization shook Castiel. Now that he knew what he was missing, he didn’t think he could sit idly by without trying to have that feeling again. Dean respected him, and enjoyed his company, he knew that much. Whether or not there was a mutual attraction, he had no clue. But he believed that if he could just build on whatever was already there, he had a chance. He knew he had to take it very slowly, for both men’s sakes, but as he got ready to go to sleep, he thought of all the ways he could go about this. He could do it. He just had to, as Gabriel said, “grow a pair”.

The next morning, he had a meeting with his publisher. It went smoothly and everything was all set for the launch of his book that weekend. The publisher anticipated a huge success, which meant preparation for book signings and various readings and events to further the publicity. Castiel didn’t have the same motivations as the publisher, but he enjoyed the prospect of getting to meet his readers and get a feel for the reception he got from his audience. He enjoyed gauging their interests and getting to interact with them, explore their reactions to his words, because he was after all, a story teller. He sent out email invitations to all of his friends he had made through his brothers for the launch. He had worked long and hard on this novel and was eager to see how it was received. The book was officially going to be released for purchasing on Friday night but the event wasn’t until Sunday afternoon. This was good because Jimmy’s family was regular in attendance to church, and it didn’t conflict with their time.

Within hours he had received confirmation emails from everyone regarding their attendance of the launch. Dean was the only one who called him.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, how’s it going man?”

“I’m doing well, thank you, how are you?” Castiel couldn’t help the smile on his face at hearing Dean say his nickname.

“I’m great, how are you?”

There was a brief pause and Castiel stifled a chuckle at Dean’s mortified groan through the phone.

“I’m fine, how are you doing Dean?” He could hear a relieved sigh on the other end before Dean started laughing. Castiel relished in the fact that he could do that.

“Sorry, yeah I don’t know how to talk apparently. Umm, so congrats on the book launch! I had no idea you were doing one, that’s awesome.”

“Thank you, I’m quite looking forward to it. Will you be in attendance?” He held his breath, waiting for the response.

“Yeah man of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world! You’ve been holding out on details, so I’ll finally get the whole story.”

“Excellent. I look forward to seeing you there.”

“Yeah for sure.”

There was another brief, almost awkward pause, as if both men were waiting for the other to say something.

“Alright well, see you later, Cas.”

“Good bye Dean.”

The line clicked and Cas became aware of the ache in his face from how hard he was smiling. There was an endearing quality to Dean’s apparent awkwardness over the phone. A simple email or even text would have more than sufficed and yet he elected to call him, and converse without the verbal finesse that was so characteristic of Dean Winchester. The man was incredibly charming.

 

Friday night during dinner, the conversation turned towards the novel, and then somehow to Dean.

“So Castiel, you’ve got a lot of support for this novel even before it’s launched, how does that feel?” Jimmy said.

He wasn’t sure what exactly his brother meant and he raised his eyebrows in want of an explanation.

“I’ll need more clarification Jimmy, what are you referring to?”

“Do you have any idea how many copies have been pre-ordered? You’ve got one heck of a PR!” Jimmy said this with a certain smile on his face that told Castiel there was more.

“Yes, my publisher is very skilled in their job of publicizing, and no I was unaware of the current numbers.”

“No, no I’m talking about your unofficial, one-man PR team!”

Castiel was still confused and waited for his brother to elaborate.

“Castiel, your good friend Dean Winchester has gotten _every_ person in almost _every_ department of the office, like in the entire building, to pre-order a copy of your book. Think about it, think of how many people that is!” Jimmy seemed like he was almost ready to burst from excitement.

He turned this new information over in his head multiple times. This was…unexpected. It was beyond anything he could have expected of anyone, ever, let alone a friend he hasn’t been all that close to for very long. He was at a loss for words. Claire filled the silence with her giggles and even Amelia had a wide smile on her face, which neither one was trying very hard to hide.

“Papa, does that mean Uncle Dean spent time to talk to the zillions of people in the office, and even _convinced_ them to spend money on a book before it is even out?”

“Yes it does Claire bear, that’s exactly what it means.” Jimmy’s smile only grew wider.

“And he did it for Uncle Cas?”

Amelia laughed softly, covering her mouth with the back of her hand, letting Jimmy answer. “Yup, he went out of his way, during his very busy day, to help out your Uncle Cas.”

“Master Castiel, I do believe my Uncle Dean is smi-” She squinted her eyes at her mother, in search of the word she was looking for. “ _Smitten?”_ When Amelia nodded her head, Claire continued. “Uncle Dean is smitten with you.”

“I do believe you are very right, honey.” Amelia added, smiling expectantly at her brother-in-law.

Castiel didn’t know what to do with this information. It wasn’t meaningless, far from it, but he also had no clue what it actually meant. It was possibly just an example of Dean’s loyalty and support he had for all of his friends, but it seemed too big of a gesture to be out of simple friendship. Perhaps it was out of admiration for the hard work he recognized Cas put into the novel? It all pointed to the same thing in Castiel’s mind, but he refused to believe that and get his hopes up until he had solid confirmation from the man himself, so he expelled those thoughts. He took out his phone to call Dean and express his appreciation, but had a better idea. He would show his gratitude a different way, but it would have to wait until Sunday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What kind of thanks is Castiel planning for Dean? Will the men ever get their gorgeous heads out of their asses? Will I ever get tired of trying to describe how beautiful their eyes are? (Never.) Find out next time on "Stand by Me" *Cue dramatic music*


	12. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I've had a severe case of writer's block, but I finally got it together. Thank you all for being so patient, and for the comments, they really keep me going.  
> Please accept this fluffy chapter in apology. *kisses*

Dean Winchester would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited about Sunday afternoon. It was pretty much all he could think about for the preceding days. Friday morning, sure enough, he was given the coveted promotion and even that was overshadowed by his anticipation of seeing Castiel in his element at the book launch. Something had to be wrong with him. His friends and family had a surprise celebration dinner for him at Sam’s place, and even Bobby and Ellen were there. Ellen gave him a tight hug and Bobby proudly shook his hand and pulled him in, patting his back firmly through the hug.

“We’re proud of you, boy. Knew you’d get the gig.” Bobby smiled at him.

“Thank you for being here! But I thought you wouldn’t be back for a while?” Dean remembered being told they would return from their road trip just in time for Sam and Jo’s marathon.

“We made a quick stop back for this.”

“But it would’ve taken you almost a day’s drive to be here…” Dean trailed off, confused, but then realization dawned on him and he smiled. “Oh Ellen,”

“We knew you’d get the promotion, hon. We already had the route mapped to get us here today.” Ellen smiled.

Dean sent up a silent thanks to whatever force brought Bobby and Ellen into his and Sam’s life.

During dinner, Ellen, who was sitting on one side of Dean, spoke low enough so that he was the only one who could hear her. She motioned towards Castiel, who was sitting across him, with her chin. “So what’s going on with you and this Cas fella?”

Dean almost choked on his food, and Cas immediately looked up with concern at him, but Dean just slapped his own chest, motioning that he was ok. Ellen smiled at him with her eyebrow cocked. “What do you mean?”

“Oh don’t play coy with me, son. I can see the way you two move around each other, like you’re each the center of gravity for the other. You’re always looking at each other when you think no one’s looking, and the way Sam and Jo tell it, you guys are always like this.”

Dean tried his best to remain calm, and avoid sounding too defensive. “I don’t know what you’re talking about… We’re good friends, that’s all, and you know how busy I am anyway, and… It’s nothing.”

“Oh honey, you’re just fooling yourselves if you don’t think there’s something going on. But don’t take my word for it. Even Bobby asked me if there was something going on he didn’t know about.”

Ellen was more his mother than Mary Winchester, as far as he was concerned, considering she raised him and not Mary, so there was no way he could hold back from her. She had this way of getting the truth one way or another. “Okay, yeah I’m kind of into him, but it doesn’t really matter.”

“Doesn’t matter? Dean I would bet my buck that boy wants you, too.”

“I mean, even if that were true, I can’t do anything about it, I can’t try dating and that whole thing right now when Ben’s so young. I’ve already decided that once he’s older, like in school, I’ll try getting back into the dating scene but it’s not like I can ask him to wait that long.”

“So basically, you’re worried that trying to be with him would take away from your attention to Ben?” She asked with a tone of incredulousness. Dean just nodded slowly, waiting for what she would say next. “Dean, do you remember the story of how I married Bobby?” He nodded his head. “Jo was two years old when her daddy was taken from us. Hunting accident, remember? Bobby was a friend to us through it all. When I had to be at the Roadhouse, he would watch her. For a while he was taking care of her as much as I was. Eventually, we were operating like a family, hell, Jo was even calling him Pops, and we realized we needed one another. He proposed, and here we are. Point is, he was a blessing not just to me, but to my baby, too. If you think Castiel would be a good man to raise Ben with, and you like him and he likes you, give it a try.” Right at that moment, Bobby, who was sitting next to Cas, locked eyes with Ellen and smiled. He then stood up and raised the beer in his hand.

“Alright y’all I wanna make a toast. First off, here’s to Dean’s success and happiness, and here’s to having family to share it with.”

Everyone drank to Bobby’s toast, smiling at Dean. He was really happy in that moment. He looked across the table from him where Castiel was reaching down to help Ben crawl into his lap. Once situated, he had his little hands in Cas’ plate, feeding himself fistfuls of mashed potatoes with his left hand and offering his right handful of potatoes to Castiel who accepted with a wide smile. Dean’s brain translated the sight in front of him into a vision of what kind of father his friend would be to his son. Ellen had a good point. Maybe it was time he stopped fighting with himself?

He was loading the dishwasher with Sam after dinner while everyone was talking in the living room.

“Thanks for this Sammy, really, this was awesome. It was good to have Bobby and Ellen here.”

“Hey no problem Dean. You deserve it. What did Ellen say to you at dinner? Seemed pretty intense.”

“She umm…she told me about how she and Bobby got married and all that. You know after her first husband died and everything.”

Sam looked at him with a knowing smile. “And?”

Dean sighed. “And, well…she told me if I think that there could be something there, that I maybe should see where it goes, I guess.”

“At least _she’s_ able to talk some sense into you.” Sam laughed.

“You know what? You’re gonna do that thing where you shut the hell up. Forever.” Dean grumbled, making his brother just laugh more.

Dean went home feeling incredible that night. He sang softly as he drove home and kept singing while he got Ben ready for bed. He hadn’t gotten to talk to Cas all that much since Ellen seemed to want to figure him out all evening and when she wasn’t bombarding him with questions, Jo and Charlie were vying for his attention. He guessed he wouldn’t get to see him much on Sunday at the launch since he’d be busy with…author stuff. He hoped he would be able to maybe make up for not ending up watching _Two Towers_ on Wednesday by inviting him over to do that tomorrow. He lay in bed, chewing his bottom lip with his phone in his hand debating on whether it was too late to text him then and wait for the morning, or if he should just send the text and go to sleep so that he could see the reply when he woke up. He didn’t need to decide anything in the end because he got a text from Cas.

_Cas Novak: I just wanted to make sure you and Ben arrived home safely. Good night Dean. I will see you Sunday._

No one would ever be able to get him to admit it, but he squealed when he read the message. _That is freaking considerate as fuck._

_Dean Winchester: Thanks Cas, we got home ok a little while ago. What about you?_

_Cas Novak: I’m glad to hear that. Yes, everyone is in bed. Congratulations once again, you truly deserve the success._

_Dean Winchester: Thanks man, and thanks for coming. It means a lot, and I’m pretty sure you were holding Ben the whole night so thanks for keeping an eye on him too._

_Cas Novak: It is my pleasure Dean. You are all so welcoming to me, there was no way I would have been absent. I enjoy time with him. He’s a delight._

_Dean Winchester: What did you do to make him so in love with you, anyway? Usually we can’t tear him from Bobby’s arms but he refused to leave you._

_Cas Novak: Are you jealous, Dean?_

“And so the teasing begins.” Dean muttered quietly to himself, with a half-smile.

_Dean Winchester: Of Ben?_

He was aware that he was getting into flirtatious territory, but Ellen’s words gave him confidence. He was just going to see where this went. He liked Cas, and he could admit that to himself, which meant he wouldn’t chastise himself for the subtle things between him and Cas that were more than just friendly.

_Cas Novak: I would imagine you wouldn’t need to resort to acting like a child to sit in my lap._

Dean’s eyes widened and then he laughed quietly. _Alright Cas, I’m picking up what you’re putting down._

 _Dean Winchester: I wouldn’t_ need _to, but you might like it. I think I’m adorable._

_Cas Novak: You think you know what I would like, Dean?_

Dean shivered. This was getting interesting.

 _Dean Winchester: I think I could figure it out. For starters, maybe you could come over tomorrow so we can actually watch_ Two Towers _like we planned to?_

_Cas Novak: I would like that._

_Dean Winchester: Awesome. 4:00p.m.?_

_Cas Novak: I look forward to it. I must admit that although I had a wonderful time Wednesday night, when I returned home I was quite disappointed that we were unable to watch the movie._

_Dean Winchester: I have no clue how I could’ve forgotten to put the movie on. That takes a lot of distraction._

They continued their conversation, and Dean fell asleep with his phone on his chest, in the middle of sending a text. When he woke up the next morning, he found his phone lodged under his chest with an unread message from Cas.

_Cas Novak: Good night Dean(:_

It was just a text, but it somehow put Dean in the best mood. Ben was awake already, babbling quietly to himself, hands out reaching for the mobile above him. Dean went and picked his son up, dancing around the room with him in his arms singing “Carry on Wayward Son”, complete with the guitar solos and backup vocals. He thought the lullaby version that Charlie had the mobile play was nice, but it didn’t hold a candle to the original.

After breakfast, he took his son to the park to feed the ducks and play on the playground. Ben was worn out around noon, so he took him home and let him sleep while he took the time to get ahead on some work. He was contemplating on what to make for lunch when his phone rang. Gabriel’s name flashed on the screen.

“Hey Gabe, how’s it going, man?”

“Dean-o! So, as you know, Cassie’s launch is tomorrow and it’s a big deal, blah blah blah, boring. So, Ames and I were planning the after party and it’s been decided that you’re going to be the main course of entertainment for the night.”

“Hold on wait, what? What do you mean?”

“No worries, nothing like you’re thinking, there will be _children_ there for goodness sake, geez! Just, bring your guitar and your pretty voice. My baby brother seemed to love the serenade last time, so yeah. Cool?”

“How much of this was Amelia’s idea?” As good as a friend Gabe was to him, he trusted Amelia’s judgement more. If she thought it was a good idea for him to be singing for Cas…he meant, for _everyone_ there, then it was ok.

“Ames loved it! She was totally completely on board. You don’t have to do anything but play us some nice tunes.”

“Okay…are there certain songs you guys had in mind?”

“Nope. Just read the room, use your best judgement.”

“Alright, yeah I can do that.”

“See you tomorrow, Deanchester!” The line clicked and Dean put his phone down. _Time to make a set list._

He opened the notepad on his phone and tried to come up with some songs that might be appropriate for Cas. He spent an hour mulling over artists and then individual songs and by the time he was done, he was pretty satisfied with what he had come up with. He kept the collection limited to softer, more mellow songs to try and match the tone of the novel. Speaking of which, he was looking forward to getting his pre-ordered copy tomorrow. He had also managed to get the majority of the people at the office to buy a copy as well, and a good number of those people said they planned on being at the event on Sunday. That meant that it was probably going to be a very crowded affair. Which equated to not seeing much of the author himself. Which was no big deal since he would get plenty of time with him today. And tomorrow evening.

He was reminded that he still hadn’t made lunch when he heard Ben wake up, so he went into the bedroom and lifted his son out of his crib and carried him to the kitchen, where he sat him down on the dining chair with his booster seat. He then put water to boil for mac n cheese, steamed some broccoli and kale to mix into the pasta, and browned a quarter pound of ground turkey to add to it. A quick lunch didn’t have to mean a lame lunch.

He and Ben ate lunch together quietly. Ben was absorbed in his food and only spoke occasionally to show off that he knew that both broccoli and kale were green and hence both called kale, and the turkey was brown, therefore it must be called _patatas_. Dean would laugh and gently correct his son, but he knew it was something that he would miss once Ben _did_ know the difference.

At exactly 4:00, Castiel showed up at their door, with a large green bowl that had foil wrapped over the top in his hands.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, come on in. What’s that?”

Castiel walked into the apartment and set the bowl down in the kitchen to pick Ben up, who waddled towards him as fast as his bow legs could take him when he saw the man enter the room. He swung the little boy around a few times before turning back to face Dean, who had stopped trying to suppress the wide smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “I made popcorn and brought it over here. I was a bit worried after I made it that you or Ben may have some food allergy, but Amelia assured me you both can and will eat ‘anything under the sun’, as she put it.” Castiel removed the foil covering and the warm aroma of caramel and brown sugar filled the air.

“Oh wow that smells amazing.” He popped one into his mouth and the outer coating of caramel melted in his mouth. “Okay I’m tasting caramel, salt, and then two flavors I can’t put my finger on. What’s the secret? I have to be able to make this!”

Castiel just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “It’s a secret Dean, I’m sorry. If you ever want some you’re going to be at my mercy.”

Flirting via text where they weren’t making eye contact and Dean could spend time collecting himself and coming up with responses was one thing, but flirting in person with those big blue eyes staring at him was a completely different ballpark. So, he played it safe, finding something to hide behind while he gathered his courage.

“Well what do you say we start this movie before we get distracted again?” Dean quickly put on the movie while Cas and Ben got comfortable on the couch. He was half surprised when he saw him settle square in the middle with Ben on his lap and the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of him. Already feeling a little warm inside, Dean seated himself next to him, but not too close. He was going to go with the flow, but that meant going slow. He wanted to do this right.

He did the same thing he did when they watched _Fellowship of the Ring_ , pointing out things he wanted Cas to pay extra attention to, bracing himself for intense parts and adding in his insight from things he knew from the director’s cut. And just like last time, after the first few times Dean would start talking, Cas would pause the movie to be able to pay his full attention to what he was saying.

Dean convinced Cas to stay for dinner after the movie was over, and he made oven baked Philly cheese steak sliders for the three of them. Cas started cutting Ben’s food into smaller pieces for him almost immediately and it took everything to not kiss the man then and there. They talked about the movie while they ate and conversation spilled over into other topics. Castiel insisted he help clean up after dinner, and although he hated to make him do anything, Dean was glad to have an excuse to have his friend stay longer. They had just started doing the dishes when a very tired Ben padded softly into the kitchen and tugged on his daddy’s pant leg with tears in his eyes, motioning that he wanted to be held. Dean started to wash his soapy hands so that he could pick him up but the little boy started crying audibly and without a word, Cas swooped down and cradled the boy to his chest, mumbling calming words to him. The crying subsided to sniffles and yawns and he had one hand fisted under his face and one hand wrapped around Castiel’s neck.

“I’ll put him to bed, Dean.” He started walking away, gently patting Ben’s back, singing something inaudible to Dean, and disappeared into the bedroom. After he did the dishes and dried his hands, he followed them and stood quietly at the doorframe, watching Cas sway slowly side to side. Dean could hear him better now, but didn’t understand the words he was singing. Dean’s heart melted. If he had any reservations before, they all dissipated. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted this dark haired, blue eyed enigma.

 Ben was clearly passed out in his arms and after a few more minutes, Cas laid him down gently in his crib and pulled the soft blanket around him snugly. He walked out and closed the door behind him quietly, but Dean didn’t move from where he stood, crowded in his personal space as he was turning the knob softly to avoid making noise. When he turned around to face Dean, he flinched slightly in surprise, not expecting him to be standing so close, but neither man really moved.

“I’m going to have to keep you around if you keep taking care of Ben like this, Cas.”

“You can be assured that I would have continued anyway.” Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed together, and he looked away for a quick second. “Unless of course you did not wish my presence around him. In that case I would keep a distance out of respect. I wouldn’t dare to try and have your child under my care against your will, that could turn into a kidnapping situation which I wouldn’t endeavor getting into and-”

Dean interrupted him by stepping closer. His eyes widened, looking like a deer in headlights. “Cas. You should’ve stopped while you were ahead.” Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. His rambling digression was kind of really adorable.

“Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“I umm…”

Dean barely shuffled closer. “What is it, Castiel?”

His breath hitched. “You see…I…”

“You what?”

“I heard you liked pie,” he blurted out quickly, the words jumbled together. Dean was so taken in by the look on his face that he couldn’t hold back his laughter. He walked away from the door so that he wouldn’t wake Ben up and kept laughing all the way to the living room. He was certain that wasn’t what Cas was really thinking and the curiosity was killing him, but it was hilarious nonetheless. Castiel walked behind him and sat down next to him, looking embarrassed.

“So you heard I like pie, huh? So what?”

“I was umm…I was wondering if, after the party that Gabriel has been unsuccessful at hiding from me, you would like to accompany me some place?” He asked, looking up shyly from under thick lashes, and _goddammit_ if that look didn’t do things to tighten Dean’s pants.

_Is he asking me out??????_

“Yeah sure that would be cool.” He said as calmly as he could possibly manage.

“Wonderful.” The cool smile was back. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon then. Thank you again for having me here for the movie. And thank you for dinner. It was wonderful.”

“Yeah, thanks for coming, Cas. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

That night Dean felt like a little kid, too excited to fall asleep.

 

The book launch went without a hitch. It was very obvious from the turn out and the reaction that the book, titled _Buried in the Sand,_ was going to be a huge success. The crowd was enraptured by Castiel when he talked about his experience in writing the novel and the thought behind it. There was dead silence as he read a sample chapter and thundering applause when he was finished. The line to get their books signed and to meet the author was a winding assembly of people all throughout the book store and spilled out the door. This of course came as no surprise to Castiel’s family and friends, and once they had ascertained that the author would be occupied for the next one or two hours, they left to attend to getting everything ready for their celebration of his success.  Everyone had assembled at Sam and Sarah’s house and quickly went to work arranging food out on tables, hanging up the large congratulatory banner, putting out drinks and setting up the small stage where Dean would be singing.

He methodically hooked up his guitar and amp and adjusted the settings before laying it on the stand and joining Sam and Jo and accepting an offered beer. His mind was swimming with recollections of Cas reading aloud, completely in his element with the audience. He also couldn’t shake the anticipation of what the author had planned for them after the party. He couldn’t dwell on these for very long because soon Gabriel was waving at everybody as he strode into the room.

“Alright, show time, people look alive! Cassie is pulling into the driveway, when he walks in, everybody yell something, doesn’t matter what it is, just yell.”

As Cas entered the house, exclamations of every sort rained down on him, ranging from a very appropriate _“surprise”_ and _“congratulations”_ to the very typical _“penis”_ and _“free the titty”_. He did his best to look shocked and pleasantly surprised, but he had already known about their plans. The party went just as smoothly as the launch. Gabriel informed everybody while giving the toast, that Cas’ novel was already climbing high in sales and well on its way to the _New York Times_ list. Dean wasn’t sure where Gabe got this information until he saw his friend cozying up to the woman he recognized to be from the publishing company.

Dean did his part by serenading Cas, because he knew that’s really what Gabe meant when he asked him to play. He played from the list he had compiled and took a few requests. As much as he wanted to be done and move on to Cas’ date…or whatever it was…he was willing to keep strumming his fingers over his guitar strings forever if those baby blue eyes kept looking at him the way they were. _You’re done, Winchester, I don’t know how you ever thought you could deny it. You’ve got it bad._

Relief came when Castiel finally spoke, thanking everybody for their continued support and a few other things that Dean zoned out for, getting lost in his own imagination of what the evening held in store. He had no clue what to expect. He just knew that Cas had asked him out in a way. At least, that is what he hoped this was. But he wouldn’t admit that to anyone…

Sarah had agreed to keep Ben while he was out with Cas and told him to stay out as long as he wanted. He felt guilty about leaving his son to go on a date, but Sarah assured him that everything was fine.

“Ready to go?”

Dean was startled, he hadn’t even realized that Cas had approached him.

“Oh. Yeah. Let me just say bye to Ben”

“If it made you feel better if he was with us, it would make me feel better, too. We won’t enjoy the evening if you’re worried.” Cas smiled at him, but Dean just shook his head, reassuring him that it would be fine for tonight. Castiel told him he would meet him outside in the car while Dean put his jacket on and said good night to his son. Just as he was about to leave, Gabriel caught his arm, stopping him.

“Have fun Deanmeister. But I swear to God-”

“Gabe. Come on, man. I know, I won’t hurt him, we’ll be home before curfew, I’ll be good, yadah yadah. You have nothing to worry about.”

The shorter man smiled. “I just gotta make sure. He’s my baby brother after all. Imgaine if I were going on a date with Sammykins! You’d do the same!”

Dean put on a bitch face. “Har har, very funny. See you later, Gabe.” He walked outside to where two big blue eyes were waiting for him, standing by the car with his hands in his trench coat pockets. As Dean approached him, he moved to open his door for him with a wide smile.

“Wow Cas, what a gentleman, I’m impressed.” He said as he sat inside and then watched him walk over to walk over to and sit down in the driver’s seat. “Alright, where to?”

“You’ll see, Dean. It is meant to be a surprise.”

“Can I have a hint?”

“No.”

“Please?” Dean tried his damnedest to pout a response out of the driver.

“No.”

“Just one!”

“Fine. It is an establishment that is frequented by people in this state, I am told.”

“Cas. Buddy, no offense but that is literally _nothing_ to go by.”

“A hint is a hint, Dean. You did not specify the quality or specificity of said hint.”

“Give me a better one! That doesn’t count!”

“Yes it does. You asked for _one_ hint. You received _one_ hint.”

Dean could see under the passing streetlights that Cas was trying to suppress his smile, and that was enough to make him stop badgering him. He sighed contentedly and looked out the window to try and figure out where they were headed.

“Thank you for singing this evening.”

“Oh. Yeah, totally. No big deal. Couldn’t say no.”

“I was not aware you had Taylor Swift songs in your repertoire.”

Dean’s face went red but thankfully it couldn’t be noticeable in the darkness of the car. Claire had requested he play a couple songs by the blonde country pop princess and while he wouldn’t openly admit it and attribute it to just being able to look up and read tabs, he was familiar with her early more country songs, and he enjoyed them more than he was proud of. “Oh uhh no I just…you know…Claire asked and I just looked up the chords and stuff, they’re pretty simple, the lyrics aren’t hard to figure out…” he rambled.

Castiel did not respond, instead rummaged through the glove compartment and retrieved a CD and put it in, skipping a few tracks until he came to the one he wanted.

_“I said remember this moment in the back of my mind_

_The time we stood with our shaking hands_

_The crowds in stands went wild_

_We were the Kings and the Queens_

_And they read off our names_

_The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same”_

Dean stared wide eyed at his friend who was tapping on the steering wheel with his thumbs and swaying slightly, singing along softly. Dean secretly loved this song. Claire was the only one who knew it, having been the one to show it to him and when it got to his favorite part, he couldn’t help but sing along. He cared that Cas knew he listened to Taylor Swift but at the same time…he kind of didn’t care and was glad he could do this with him.

_“Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world_

_Long live the walls we crashed through_

_How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you_

_I was screaming long live the magic we made_

_And bring on all the pretenders_

_I’m not afraid_

_Long live all the mountains we moved_

_I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you_

_I was screaming long live the look on your face_

_And bring on all the pretenders_

_One day we will be remembered”_

By the end of the song they were both singing pretty loudly, putting their bodies into moving with the lyrics, looking at each other every other line to synchronize a move. They shamelessly listened to more songs on the album until they pulled into a very familiar charming little building.

“Isn’t this…this is one of Gabe’s bakeries. What are we doing here?”

Cas got out and opened Dean’s door and he blushed, thanking him, trying to make a clever comment about the survival of chivalry but only managed to mumble out a few words of thanks as he was lead inside the building. A table was set in the middle, covered in a red and white checkered table cloth, two tall white candles in the center next to a skinny vase that had a single yellow daffodil. The napkins were folded like the Sydney Opera House and there was a white mug and plate on each side of the table. Castiel pulled out Dean’s chair for him and smiled, telling him to give him a moment. He returned from somewhere in the back of the bakery with a covered platter and pot of coffee, then moved the candles and vase out of the way to set them down and remove the lid.

“The first is a classic apple pie.” The smell immediately filled Dean’s nostrils. It was warm, cinnamony, sweet and absolutely perfect.

“You had Gabe make me my favorite pie?”

There was a look of almost downcast confusion on Castiel’s face. “No Dean. I made them.”

“ _Them_? There are multiple?”

“Yes I heard you liked pie, so I set out to make you a few pies that I learned to make around the world.”

Dean’s heart did a little leap. This was so freaking sweet. If this was a date, which it definitely was looking like a date, it was the cutest one in the history of dating. “Wow…Cas. That’s really cool. Like, awesome.” The smile returned to the man’s face and reached his eyes, making the blue sparkle. He served them each a small portion and poured them coffee. “You take your coffee one cream no sugar, correct?”

Dean laughed. “How did you know?”

“One of the nights I was in your home you had coffee and I noticed you did not take sugar but did add a little cream. I wasn’t sure if it was just that once but I thought it safe since people usually consume their coffee consistently the same.”

 _How did he take notice and even remember something like that?_ Dean brought a forkful of the pastry to his mouth and as soon as he did, closed his eyes and let out a moan. “Oh my god. Oh this is good. Wow. The filling is amazing, like I can taste everything but there isn’t any single flavor that’s overwhelming. And holy fuck this crust is perfect!” He chewed slowly, savoring the textures and flavors, then swallowed to immediately bring another bite to his mouth. Castiel just watched him with an amused look on his face.

“Don’t eat too much, I want you to have room for the others. They will not be enjoyable if you have no appetite.”

Dean unwillingly put his fork down to take a swig of coffee. “Where did you learn this one?”

“Germany. That is where apple pie originated. They make a number of apple pastries that are very good, but we are focusing on pies tonight.” He put the lid back on the pie and carried it and their plates away, disappearing again into the back. He emerged again with another platter and two more small plates. This time he uncovered a very pretty, thin pie covered in powdered sugar. Although it wasn’t as good as the apple pie, it was still very good.

“Wow…mmm…yeah wow.  Strawberry pies are always usually way too tart or too sweet, this is fucking perfect. And the crust is almost like a cake, it’s more fluffy than flaky. Mmm this is so good.”

“I’m glad you like it. It is an old English recipe. Did you know that the modern pie that you are familiar with that consists of the two-layer crust, deep dish filling format is a combination of the two English pie forms, the tartlet and savory? In fact, in the beginning, pies were served in hollowed out pumpkins and served in wedges. Later, the crust was developed but still made inedible. It used to function as just a holder for the filling rather than made to be eaten. This form of pie is a relatively recent twist on the original.”

“It sounds like you did more research on pie while you travelled the world than anything else. Which is actually genius. It was fate that brought you here to me.” Before he could think about it, the words left his mouth. _Well. Fuck. That’s not jumping the gun at all. No. Not a freaking creepy ass thing to say on a first date…Good going, Winchester._

But Castiel only smiled. He didn’t look taken aback or even phased. “Yes. Perhaps I was intended to travel the world to acquire knowledge on the preparation of pies so that this day could come, rather than to gather experience to write novels. You are completely right, Dean.” There was a hint of teasing in his tone, but also a sense of sincerity. Relief washed over Dean and he made a mental note to maybe think before he speaks to maybe avoid something that will finally freak Cas out.

The next pie was unusual. Instead of a top crust, there was a crisscross weaving of bacon. In the center was a cheesy, onion, tomato and potato egg filling. When Dean took a bite, he could taste a hint of maple syrup. The sounds he made were pornographic, but they couldn’t be contained. Each bite was a burst of heaven in his mouth. He couldn’t even be bothered that he was talking with his mouth full to compliment the chef and ask for details about the concoction.

“It is a maple bacon breakfast pie. Although I am unsure of the origins, I was first introduced to this in Canada. It was in a small diner in Saskatchewan.”

“It’s genius. Whoever came up with it is a genius. I have a new respect for the Canadians.”

Cas brought out one pie after the next. He served Dean a Mexican lime pie, a French chocolate silk pie, a coconut cream pie from the Philippines, a Russian plum pirog pie, a Malaysian meat pie, and a fruit custard pie from the Netherlands. Every dish elicited a series of moans from Dean with each bite. “Damn Cas, I didn’t think this was possible but you’ve made me love pie even more. I had no clue there were so many damn ways to make and eat a pie.”

“I’m glad to know they were to your liking.” He had a somewhat shy smile on his face, as if there was any way he could be unsure about the quality of his baking.

“Are you kidding me? They were amazing. You’re better than Gabe, and let me tell you that is a high bar to meet. Is it like a family gift? Does Jimmy have hidden baking powers? Did your parents pass on some kind of baking expert chromosome?”

“Jimmy never had the affinity for baking. He is sufficient in the kitchen but Gabriel has always been the skilled one. He has a singular pallet and an eye for aesthetic food presentation, as I’m sure you know.”

“Yeah well I’ve never had anything as good as any of the pies you brought out. Best date ever, man.” _Fuck you did it again. Think. Before. You. Speak. What if it isn’t like a DATE date, what if it’s just like a whatever hang out date. Fuck, he’s gonna think I’m jumping to conclusions, he’s gonna leave me here. Which I guess wouldn’t be so bad with the left over pies in the back…No shut up. You can’t fuck this up before it even gets a chance to go anywhere. FIX IT._

Castiel’s smile grew wider, however, and he looked down briefly before looking back up through his dark lashes at Dean. “I’m glad you think so. I wasn’t sure how much you’d like it. I was umm…worried you might perceive the idea as a little…uneventful?”

_SWEET BABY JESUS MOTHER MARY HALLELUJAH IT IS A DATE WE ARE ON A DATE HE ASKED ME ON A DATE I’M DATING HIM. Well…not like DATING dating him but at the present moment I’m with him on a date so present progressive form, dating. Technicality._

“What? A night of eating the best pie I’ve ever had with my best friend seemed uneventful to you? Cas, I couldn’t think of a better way to end the night.”

Something bordering disappointment flashed on Castiel’s face. “I umm…I guess I failed to be forward enough. I extended the invitation for this as a date as umm…more…than friends.” He was looking at his hands while he said this and then quickly spoke again, rushing the words. “However if that is the extent of what you want that is more than fine, I am very happy with our friendship, Dean.”

_OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE SAID MORE THAN FRIENDS. I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE OK GOOD THIS IS GOOD OH MY GOD HE LOOKS SO CUTE LIKE THAT. OH NO I’M SO STUPID HE THINKS I MEANT JUST FRIENDS OH SHIT._

He grew bold and reached across the table to take Castiel’s fidgeting hands into his own, causing the surprised blue irises to look up at him. “Castiel Novak. You are an idiot.” The dark haired man knit his eyebrows together and tilted his head in confusion. “An adorable, amazing idiot. That’s the only explanation if you haven’t figured out that I want ‘more than friends’, too. And I must be an idiot for trying to fight it for so long.”

His eyebrows raised happily and a smile played on his lips, tugging the corners to show his teeth, and he let out a breath. “So, you accept my courtship?”

Dean laughed out loud. He couldn’t help it. “Yes m’lord, I accept your gracious courtship.”

“I do not understand why you are laughing…”

“It’s just, you’re the only one who could say something like that. Typically, someone would say something like, ‘so do you want to go on more dates’ or ‘would you like to see each other exclusively’ or something less…archaic. But I like it.” He got up a did a little bow legged curtsy, and winked at Castiel who was now also smiling.

“I’m sorry, it’s just the first time I’ve really done this. I dated in high school, but it was never a serious affair. There were many sloppy and nervous kisses of various degrees in the park or behind the outhouse or behind the bleachers. I’ve never organized an actual date for someone I intended on pursuing a serious relationship with.”

_Serious relationship. Sounds so much better when he says it out loud in his sexy voice…_

“So umm…that’s what you want? A serious relationship? With me? Like, long-term, exclusive dating and stuff? Like umm…boyfriend…stuff?”

“I do believe all that is what a relationship entails, Dean. Unless of course I have been misled.”

Dean suddenly felt bold. “Is that _all_ it’s going to entail?” The shift in mood was obvious. Castiel perked up a bit and a devious smile invited Dean to continue. “Because there are definitely some things I’d like to include in our serious relationship.”

“I can assure you that certain details of our serious relationship will be explored. In depth.” Then his features softened and he brought Dean’s hand to his face and kissed his knuckles softly. “When we get there. I cannot deny my physical attraction to you, however I do not want to make haste and risk overwhelming each other. I very much would like to take this at a steady pace, if you are willing.”

_Could he get any more perfect?_

“Cas, of course. That’s what I want, too, I want to do this right. I mean, in the short amount of time we’ve known each other we’ve gotten pretty close, like I meant what I said earlier, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’m like one hundred percent sure I speak for everyone when I say that. So even though I know you really well already, I want to keep getting to know you better.” He paused briefly and then winked. “All of you.”

They stayed in the bakery late into the night, just talking. Dean helped Cas clean up and boxed up the pies to take home. They stopped at Sam and Sarah’s place to get Ben and so that Dean could drive the Impala home. The couple smiled knowingly at them when they came inside to pick up the sleeping child, and Sarah mouthed _I knew it_ at Dean, who just smiled with his son in his arms. Once they had Ben in his car seat, they stood by Baby to say good night.

“Thanks for tonight Cas. I had an amazing time. And I’m umm…I’m really happy we’re doing this.” He motioned between the two of them.

“I also wanted to extend my appreciation to you Dean, and I hoped to do that through tonight in conjunction with our date.”

“For?”

“Jimmy told me what you did at the office, getting so many people to want to read the novel and attend the launch. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. You didn’t have to do that. As an author and storyteller, this gesture made me happy but as your friend, it gave me so much more. So thank you, Dean.” He placed one hand on the small of Dean’s back, drawing his close and put the other hand on his face, his thumb brushing over his cheekbone and his fingers scratching his hair softly, then pulled him in gently for a kiss. Dean threw his hands around Cas’ shoulders, deepening their contact. What could only be described as butterflies swelled in the bottom of Dean’s stomach and transformed into an electric current that travelled throughout his body. He felt like his skin was buzzing, like every part of him was alive with excitement. They broke apart slightly for air but kept their foreheads pressed together. Dean leaned in again, and Cas smiled into the kiss. This time Dean sought entry along Cas’ lips with his tongue, which he was granted. It was a slow, gentle dance of lips and tongues, but it was the best damn kiss Dean had ever had. They shared the taste of coffee and pie and breathed each other in through the closeness. They stood flush against each other from hips to forehead. The soft brushes of fingers on the short hairs at the back of his head and the slight strokes across his jaw and cheekbone made Dean moan into Cas even more. This was perfect. They broke apart again, smiling, still holding on to one another.

“As far as first dates and first kisses go, you’ve spoiled me for anyone else.”

“Dean, you’re mistaken, this is not our first kiss.” He whispered back.

“Does that one really count?”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I mean…yeah…duh…”

“Then it is settled. This is our second.” Castiel leaned in for one more brief press of his lips against Dean’s and then stepped back. “Good night Dean.”

“Good night Cas. Thanks again for tonight.”

Castiel smiled and walked towards his car but before he could drive off, Dean ran up to the driver side and asked him to come over to watch _Return of the King_ on Wednesday night.

“I would very much like that.”

Dean grinned. “Awesome. It’s a date.” He couldn’t help himself and he stole one last kiss before letting Cas leave. On the drive home, he was all smiles. He couldn’t believe how things had changed, but he was glad they did. Fighting his feelings was hard work and he felt much happier this way. Ellen was right. He could do this. They would figure it out together.


	13. Castiel's POV 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on including a Cas POV for a while, but the ever supportive and wonderful @Dani47 suggested it, so here is a short look into Castiel's thoughts through his and Dean's breakthrough. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

For some reason, Castiel found himself feeling nervous. What he was about to do was no big deal. He ws just a younger brother asking for a favor, but he knew that the implications of his favor might raise a few questions and comments from his older brother. He finally mustered the courage and asked Gabriel for use of one of his bakeries for Sunday evening, and explained his idea to his older brother, who listened to him with a warm smile. Cas waited for the teasing and jokes but none came. Gabriel just smiled and told him to make sure to clean up and lock up when they were done.

Saturday night, when he returned from spending the evening with Dean and Ben, he got straight to work on preparing ingredients for the pies. He decided he was going to make several sampler pies that he had learned to make during his travels, and have Dean try them. He was not sure what constituted as an ideal date, but had seen movies in which the love interests accompanied one another to restaurants to eat. He thought Dean would appreciate this, considering his deep love for pie, according to Gabriel, Claire, Jimmy and pretty much anyone who knew the man.

He took time with each creation, putting care and attention in every detail. Castiel was done working a few hours before the sun rose, so he made the final arrangements for their evening by driving over to the bakery to leave the pies there and make sure he had the table settings. He knew flowers were customary, but did not know how to decide what type of flower to use. He personally liked daisies and lilies, but decided on daffodils for their significance. During the Victorian era, the flower was used to symbolize new beginnings, which was what he hoped to have with Dean. So he went to the florist and bought a bouquet of yellow daffodils. He only needed one, but he couldn’t by a single one so he went to a nearby retirement home and asked that the flowers be given to the residents. When he returned home, arranged his blankets on the floor to get some sleep before the busy day ahead of him.

The whole day had gone wonderfully. The success at the launch for his novel was such a welcome surprise and if he was honest, it was slightly overwhelming. He was often told by those around him that he had talent as a story teller, but this tangible success was something else on its own. It was humbling to see such a positive response to his story and he hoped that Illaha was proud and that she was happy with his tribute to her. The book was ultimately about her and what she taught him about life and about living.

On his way to Sam and Sarah’s home, his mind wandered to his plans for the evening with Dean. He appreciated the thought his friends and family were putting into this party for him, but he was quite eager for his date. He hoped he had made his intentions clear to his gorgeous bow legged friend. He was taking a leap of faith by deciding to explore his feelings for the man. He often prayed the sweet little girl that was an angel now, asking for guidance regarding Dean. When his nightmares failed to torment him on the days he spent with Dean, he took it as a sign of Illaha’s blessing. This made him happy. He liked to think that she and Dean would have gotten along beautifully and that Dean would have grown to love her as well. It did not make him sad to think of her like this anymore. He came to the realization that he was dishonoring the sweet girl’s memory by feeling pain when he thought of her. So he started to remember her in all the love and happiness that she radiated. He associated her with good feelings, the way she was when she was still with them, as she would have wanted. He kept her alive within himself through the conversations he would have with her in his head, and ultimately by immortalizing her in his novel. The little angel would want him to be happy and let the love that she gave him extend to other people. He couldn’t yet say that he was in love with Dean, but he knew that was where his heart was headed. The man was incredible.

At the party, he watched Dean sing, his fingers dancing along the frets and strings of his guitar, making it sing with him. He thought he could never tire of watching him perform. His every movement was entrancing, from the tapping of his foot, to the occasional closing of his eyes, to the swaying of his torso. He was taken back to their very brief kiss every time his tongue darted out between his lips to moisten them. The feeling of his lips against his own and of being in his arms was not one he was likely to forget, and he longed to experience it again. The man was made to be admired, to be loved, to be worshipped, and Castiel was a willing devotee.

On the drive to the bakery, he played a song that Claire told him Dean secretly liked and that he himself rather enjoyed. Of the few pop artists Castiel had listened to, he particularly liked Taylor Swift. He felt her songs conveyed very raw, unfiltered emotions and were very reflective of real things people went through. He understood the implications associated with being a Taylor Swift fan, as explained by Claire, but he did not find it in himself to care. He was unashamed to enjoy the things he did. So when Dean eventually joined in singing along and even dancing to the song, Castiel swelled with happiness. Dean was willing to be open in front of him. All he could hope for was that Dean would also open himself to Castiel’s feelings for him.

The date progressed very well. Dean responded extremely positively to each of the pies and Castiel became very confident. He wanted to show his friend that he was capable of giving him happiness, that he _wanted_ to make him happy. He eagerly explained each pastry, showing off all that he knew, hoping it would be impressive and have the same effect on him that he had on Castiel whenever he explained trivia and scenes from movies. Castiel loved to listen to him draw attention to little details and back story associated with the things he enjoyed and watching him become so animated was endearing. If he could even have half that effect on Dean, he would consider it a success.

Castiel lost a little heart and momentum when he became unsure of Dean’s attitude towards their relationship as just friends. Perhaps he had become too confident in his ability to woo him. Perhaps he had been misreading their interactions. Perhaps – no wait. Dean wanted this, too. A serious relationship. They were going to give themselves a chance to make one another happy. They could do this. They were capable. They were willing. They could do this together.

He finally extended his appreciation to Dean for his active support of his novel. He finally pulled Dean close to himself as he had wanted to do for so long. This first intentional kiss was more than what he imagined it could be. It was fire and ice and light and dark and everything all at once. His senses were overwhelmed with the taste of his soft lips and traces of cinnamon and strawberry and coconut and lime and chocolate and plum and salt and coffee on his tongue. He was overwhelmed by the sight of Dean breathing hard in his arms, his cheeks flushed pink and his lips slightly swollen. He was overwhelmed by the smell of Dean, an inviting and intoxicating blend of leather, fresh pine, the air right after it rains, and maple. He was overwhelmed by the sound of his moans, guttural, enchanted growls emanating from the back of his throat. He was overwhelmed by the feeling of his stubble that he stroked with his thumb, the soft, short hairs and tanned skin he rubbed through at the back of his neck, Dean’s arms own wrapped tightly around Castiel’s neck, their chests heaving together, the small trace of sweat gathering on their skin between them. In that moment, Dean engulfed him completely and he was everything.

Dean Winchester was opening his heart to him, and he made a promise to Illaha that he would not take this lightly. This man, this father, friend, brother, was allowing Castiel into his world to give him the love he deserves. He recognized that they were both unsure of how this worked, but he also knew that they were each serious about making the relationship worked. He could do this. He would not fail. Not this time.


	14. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy times ahead...Enjoy and let me know what you think! 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, SEASON 12 PREMIERS TONIGHT!!

Wednesday night came and Cas and Dean and Ben had dinner and watched the final movie in _The Lord of the Rings_ trilogy. Ben was put to bed and they continued talking about the movie in the living room, cuddled together on the couch. They shared soft kisses, but nothing further than that. Then on Saturday, everyone met at the Novak residence for dinner. There, Castiel thanked them all for their support and announced that his novel was achieving paramount success and was on the _New York Times_ Best Seller list. His publisher was also already trying to line him up for a sequel, which he was still thinking over. Later in the evening when he and Dean were sitting on the floor playing with Ben and Claire, he told him that he was getting his own apartment and would be set to move the weekend after next. Dean jumped at the chance to help him move and Castiel happily accepted.

They did not see each other the next two weeks preceding the move since Dean was busy falling into his new role with his promotion and trying to maintain a healthy workload in and out of the office, and Castiel was bombarded with meetings for future events, emails with his publishers, and a pleasant amount of fan mail, which he made a point to reply to each and every one. They did constantly text throughout the week, seemingly unable to run out of things to talk about. Castiel was also in the process of purchasing furnishings for his apartment and would send Dean pictures of things he found online to get the second opinion. Dean wasn’t sure exactly why, but it felt like a big deal to be helping his new boyfriend – saying that still felt weird, but in a good kind of way – buy furniture. They had fun with it though, Dean sending back pictures of ridiculously shaped or colored throw pillows and vomit inducing rugs every so often to get his _boyfriend_ to laugh.

Cas sent Dean a selfie of him and Claire that was downright adorable. He looked slightly confused in the picture and unprepared for it to be taken, next to a very happy looking Claire who had her pigtails pulled together over her upper lip to look like a moustache. Dean smiled and saved the picture and sent his own selfie of him and Ben eating cereal on the couch.

_Dean Winchester: What are you guys plotting?_

_Cas Novak: Why do you assume we are always plotting when we are together?_

_Dean Winchester: Because you guys both seek out to rule the world._

_Cas Novak: World domination is child’s play. Claire and I do not require hours of plotting for such a simple task._

_Cas Novak: Claire says you understatement us. I assume she means underestimate, but if I correct her again she threatened to smite me “back from whence I came”. I’m not sure where she learned all this…_

_Dean Winchester: Mostly Charlie, but Jo and Gabe also had something to do with it._

_Cas Novak: Give me a moment, Darth Claire requires my brute strength to move something._

_Dean Winchester: Maybe we can move some furniture around, and then you can show me some of that brute strength ;)_

Dean was flirting. Shamelessly. And it was so fun. But who cares? They were taking a go at being in a relationship and that definitely warranted some untamed flirting.

 

Charlie and Jo invited everyone over for a movie night that Saturday, and Dean told Cas he would pick him up so they could go together. Charlie lived in a penthouse apartment at least twice the size of Dean’s, which was saying something since he had a very comfortably sized home. She and Jo had set up a home theater that they painted black and splattered glow in the dark paint all over, and it was probably the coolest room any of them could say they had. The room in Sarah’s mansion that was decorated exclusively with Alpaca related things was a very close second because of the sheer weirdness of it, but their theater had utility points. It was a large room with two riser rows of cashmere recliners with cup holders and snack compartments, and there was a closet right next to the theater that was stocked full of blankets and pillows, and a mini fridge in the room that was always full of drinks.

As soon as Dean and Cas walked through the door, holding Ben’s hands between them, they saw Jo hand Sarah and Charlie cash from her wallet begrudgingly. Dean caught his sister-in-law and questioned her about the scene.

“We both bet Jo that you guys would finally start dating before the end of the month and she bet that it would take you guys at least four months to figure it out. I tried to collect last weekend but she said she needed proof. So thanks Dean!” She gave him her most charming smile and picked Ben up smacking a big kiss on his cheek, making him giggle and plant his own very open mouthed, very wet kiss on her nose. She walked away with Ben still in her arms.

“Umm Aunt Sarah give me my kid back!”

“No, no you get baby cuddles with him all you want all the time. Sam and I get him tonight.”

Dean let up and watched her settle on a pile of pillows and blankets on the floor, and nestle into the crook of Sam’s arm with her head resting on his chest. Ben made himself comfortable in their arms too, stretching across both of them on his belly, finding entertainment in Sam’s hair. Dean smiled and his heart felt a slight pang for his brother and sister-in-law. They had been wanting kids for a while now but it hadn’t happened for them. So Dean was more than happy to let them have time with his son.

Jimmy and Amelia were cuddled with Claire between them on the recliners on the left side of the front row, with a large blanket spread over the three of them, and Jo was sitting in the middle of the front row, waiting for Charlie to start the movie then claim her spot next to her. Dean took a blanket out of the closet and claimed the right side of the back row with Cas. He noticed Gabriel was missing, which was somewhat unusual.

“Hey Jimmy, where’s Gabe?”

“He has a date tonight.”

“With? Do we know her?”

Jimmy laughed. “Yeah actually she’s one of the ladies from Castiel’s publisher. Kali, I think was her name. He was pretty excited.”

“Wow. Good for him. Hopefully-” He was interrupted by Charlie clearing her throat, looking impatient to start the movie.

“Alright people, so your choices for tonight are: _Back to the Future, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, North by Northwest,_ or _Knight’s Tale_.” Charlie looked up at everyone from her laptop to take votes. _Monty Python_ was the winner, so Charlie started the movie, turned off the lights and curled up next to her girlfriend.

After having the urge to be close to Cas for so long, finally being able to was the best feeling in the world. Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean and they both had their legs propped up, tangled together. During the movie, Cas traced patterns along Dean’s arm and when he laughed at the ridiculous encounters of the King of the Brits, Dean could feel the shaking in his chest and then the gradual easing when he stopped. It was rare that he laughed out loud and even then it was quiet and subtle, but Dean loved the sound. His eyes started wandering up to look at the man laugh every time it happened, and each time he committed more of it to memory. Dean was aware of the sudden sap he had inwardly become and he knew that if he showed half of it on the outside, his friends would splash him with holy water to make sure he hadn’t been possessed. Somehow, he felt ok with the chick flick feelings he was having about Cas because, if he was honest, they felt good. Scary that someone could have this sort of effect on him, but more good. _This must be what it’s supposed to feel like._ He looked around the room to where his friends were all happily tangled with their significant others and then smiled up at Cas. _Yep. This is what it’s supposed to feel like._ Blue eyes met green, and he cocked his head, giving Dean a questioning little smile. He answered by tilting his chin up and lifting his face to give his boyfriend a soft kiss. _Definitely what it’s supposed to feel like. I could really get used to this._

When everyone was getting up to go home Sarah pulled Dean aside.

“Do you want Sam and me to keep Ben for the night? So you and Mr. Dreamboat over there can have a sleep over?” She motioned towards Castiel, who was talking to Jo and Charlie.

Dean thought about it for a second but shook his head. “Thanks but no, we’re taking this slow. Neither one of us has a good grasp on relationships just yet so we don’t want to rush, you know? We really want to make it work.”

She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m really happy for you, Dean. Sam and I both.”

Dean took his sleeping son from Sam’s arms and wished everybody a good night, leaving with Cas. They knew that the following week would also be a very busy one which meant they wouldn’t see one another until the next weekend, so Dean decided to drop Cas home to have the extra car ride with him, instead of him going in the same car as Jimmy.

He got out of the car to walk Cas to the door, like the gentleman he was raised to be. They exchanged a soft kiss and whispered good nights before he disappeared into the house. _I, Dean Winchester, have got it bad._

The next week, as predicted, was very busy for the both of them. Although he did have to leave the house a few times, Castiel did most of his work from home, which meant that Dean got a lot of pictures of furniture, weird but impossibly adorable selfies, and soon, cat memes. Dean pictured Cas sitting at his desk, on Tumblr looking at pictures of cats in between completing tasks of a functioning adult. It was kind of endearing, and he had to keep himself from laughing out loud most of the time. He had his own larger office now which meant he could laugh aloud to his heart’s content, but he still wasn’t used to the upgrade. It was definitely an improvement. He had a great view of the city, remote control knotted pine blinds on every window and a snazzy new name plate. Things were definitely piecing together in his life.

He came to a stopping point in the report he was putting together to check his phone. There was an unopened picture from Cas. He opened it and his jaw dropped. It was a selfie of a very wet blue eyed, black haired individual looking very unhappy in a drenched heather grey t-shirt, that clung to him in all the right ways. His eyes wandered over the prominent collar bone and accented pectoral muscles and the very visible nipples. The message accompanying the very scenic photo read: _I dozed off. Was not aware Claire came back from school. She decided to wake me up with a bucket of ice cold water. Send help, I’m dying._ Dean laughed out loud this time, shaking his head. There was never a boring moment with Claire around, and in this instance in particular, he sent up a silent prayer of thanks to his favorite little bubbly blonde. She was an absolute genius, although she did this favor for his very unknowingly. Dean saved the picture and sent a clever reply, then put his phone back on his desk faced down, because he needed to get back to work. Important clients were waiting for him to do his important job writing his important report on this important project. But his brain had other ideas. The picture kept flashing in his mind. It wasn’t meant to be a suggestive text at all, but he sure was interpreting it that way. His upstairs brain couldn’t keep away from the visuals and apparently, neither could his downstairs brain. This wasn’t going away. He groaned and closed the blinds and locked his door. He settled into his chair and unzipped his slacks, tugged his boxer briefs down and freed his now erect dick. He pulled up the picture on his phone, tracing the subtle pout of his chapped lips with his eyes and imagining how they would feel against his own lips right then. He took firm hold of himself and started stroking slowly. He imagined what he looked like underneath the wet shirt, how firm the expanse of muscle beneath it would be, how it would taste if he trailed his tongue over the skin. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, imagining his pretty mouth wrapped around his erection, and he circled his thumb over the leaking head like it was Cas’ tongue. He stroked harder, like Cas was hollowing his cheeks, really sucking him down. He could see those beautiful blue eyes looking up at him through the thick dark lashes, gauging his reaction, seeking his encouragement. Dean’s breathing grew labored. He increased his speed until he came, groaning out Castiel’s name. _Wow. You just got off on a clothed, innocently intended picture of your boyfriend. What next, Dean?_

He quickly cleaned up and tucked himself back in, smiling over the possibilities that just introduced themselves with his new office. He had total privacy which meant potential fulfillment of a few fantasies… But that was very hypothetical. He and Cas weren’t anywhere near that level of physical intimacy yet. He could wait. And even then, he wasn’t sure that was something the man would be into. But he didn’t think too hard about it and in the contented state of post orgasm, he continued working.

 

They talked about the possibility of having a movie night on Friday, but ultimately deciding against it, figuring that they would need to sleep early if they were going to have any energy for the move. Saturday morning Dean and Ben were at Jimmy’s doorstep. There were three medium sized boxes in the living room and 2 suitcases, but that was it in terms of what it looked like Cas needed help moving. Ben wandered into the kitchen to find Claire and Cas came downstairs with his laptop bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas. Umm…not that I don’t want to help, like far from it, but did you really need help with just _this_? He motioned at the small pile of belongings.

Castiel stepped closer to Dean and grazed his fingers lightly over his shoulder and bicep before resting his hand there. “Maybe I just wanted an excuse to watch you lift things.” He said in a deep, raspy whisper that did things to Dean below the belt. He swallowed hard and wanted to say something, but Cas dropped his hand and smiled, stepping back and towards the suitcases. “What I actually need your help with is arranging the furniture when it gets delivered in an hour, and unpacking the rest of the things I ordered that will be delivered this afternoon.”

“Oh, yeah, right, sorry. I think you already mentioned that, I probably forgot. It’s been a long two weeks, man.”

“Yes it has.”

Amelia was at a church downtown, volunteering with the food pantry, so Jimmy had to stay home with the kids and therefore couldn’t help his brother with the move, which he apologized profusely for.

“It’s alright Jimmy. Dean should be more than enough help.”

Castiel’s apartment was about a twenty-minute drive from Jimmy’s house. When they got there, Dean lifted the three boxes and left the easily pulled suitcases for Castiel, who frowned at him.

“Dean, we do not have to carry everything in one trip. You should leave one or two of the boxes here. I would rather you did not hurt yourself.”

Dean pretended to look offended. “Are you trying to say I’m not strong enough?”

“No, I’m just saying that there is no need to over-exert yourself when we still have half an hour before the furniture comes and that you should perhaps conserve your apparent abundance of strength for that.”

“Cas. Don’t worry, I’ve had to carry heavier things farther than just up to your apartment. Now let’s go take a look at your new place!”

Castiel gave in with a huff and lead to way. He was on the top floor of the ten story building, and he made a comment about Dean being lucky modern technology provided them with elevators, otherwise Dean would have thrown his back out. When they entered his apartment, Dean dropped the boxes on the hardwood floor of what would be the living room. Cas took his hand and walked him through the rooms. Dean’s favorite room was the one that Cas said he would make his study. The majority of one of the west-facing wall was a window, the other walls were painted a pale pistachio color and the flooring was a very soft tan colored carpet, different from the hardwood of the rest of the apartment.

“If this were mind, I’d make it the bedroom, man. This is the best room in the place.”

“Why? This room is also my favorite and since I would be spending the majority of my time in the study and not the bedroom, it only made sense.”

“That’s…yeah okay that’s completely logical, I didn’t think of that.” He nuzzled his nose into Castiel’s hair and whispered into his ear in a low voice. “I just think maybe you’ll spend more time in the bedroom than you think. It’s not just for sleeping, Cas.”

Castiel’s breath hitched and he turned his face towards Dean’s to meet him for a deep, slow kiss. “And the kitchen isn’t just for cooking, and the study isn’t just for working, and the shower isn’t just for bathing. Do not be so confining, Dean. Limitations do not harbor pleasure.” Dean could never get over the effect Cas’ voice had on him, and the combination of that with the words that just left his mouth, was maddening.

“Jesus, Cas. How many people have you seduced just with your voice? It drives me crazy, you know that?”

Castiel pulled away to give Dean a confused look. He squinted his eyes and tilted his head, as if he was trying to determine whether the man was joking or not. “Dean. I have never been with another in such a way that I had to _seduce_ them.”

Dean was the one who was confused now. He knew Cas had never been in a serious relationship, but he just assumed that he must have had someone to warm his bed occasionally during his travels. “No, I mean I know you’ve never really done relationships but…are you saying you’ve never slept with anyone either?” He tried his best to not sound as incredulous as he felt. Cas was a gorgeous man. He had that dreamy mysterious traveler vibe, and it wouldn’t take much for people to lust at someone as attractive as him. Surely, out of all the cities the man had been in, he must have had _someone_ here and there for one night. Cas stayed silent, just looking up at him. “You mean to say you’ve never done a little of _that_ kind of research? You didn’t think that might be useful to have experience in, like maybe for your novels?”

“I never had occasion. And since I have never planned to publish any books of erotic natures, no, I never had interest, either.”

_Wow. So, if we…hopefully_ when _that happens…I’ll be his first. Oh god. Oh god, this changes things. No, I don’t want it to change things…but how could I be his first? Oh good god…what if things don’t end well? What if I freak him out? Oh shit, HE’S A VIRGIN. I mean yeah, that’s pretty fucking special, like, that’s amazing, he’s my fucking unicorn. This is such a big deal. God I’m so fucked…_

“Wow…okay yeah, cool so you’re a virgin. Cool. That’s awesome.”

“Dean, is everything alright? Does this new knowledge change something?”

“No! Okay…kind of. I mean, obviously I pictured making our first time as special and amazing as can be, but, being your first ever? What if I fuck something up? What if it’s not a good experience for you and I ruin it for you forever? What if I –”

Castiel shut him up with a kiss. “Dean. I can assure you, you have nothing to worry about. I am an adult and I will be fine. Please do not anticipate the worst. We said we would explore our feelings for one another to see how it progressed did we not? So please, just let this go as it may.” He gave him one last kiss and then walked away to the living room to start unpacking what he could. The furniture arrived and they had just gotten all of it moved into the apartment when the delivery of the other items he ordered arrived as well.

They spent the whole day assembling, and then arranging furniture to Castiel’s liking. They worked as a unit and got most of it put together fairly quickly. It was very late in the afternoon when both of their stomachs started growling.

“Alright, we’ve been going at this all day! We somehow managed to miss lunch, so time for a break, we need to eat. You can’t work me this hard without feeding me, too.” Dean winked. He took out his phone and looked up delivery places in the area. “What do you want? There’s Chinese, pizza –”

“Burritos?”

“You want burritos?” Dean laughed in surprise at the specificity. Cas just looked at him and smiled, nodding. He searched places that had burritos that also delivered but the best he could find was pick-up only. “You can give me the order and I’ll place it and then pick it up. Sound good?”

“Oh Dean, that’s fine, if they don’t deliver I do not want you troubling yourself. We can eat something else.”

Dean just shook his head. “No this is what we’re eating, I don’t mind going out to get it, it’s only like ten minutes away anyway.” He asked for Cas’ order.

“Black beans, steak, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce, pico de gallo, Spanish rice, cilantro, jalapeños, and onions on a wheat tortilla.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile again because Cas seemed to be the only person who knew exactly what they wanted. He couldn’t say how many times he had wanted to go out to eat and the other person had replied with _whatever you want_ or _I don’t care_ or _I don’t know_. This was a nice change from that. He put his own order in, too, as well as chips and queso and then left when he got the notification that his food was ready. Cas offered to go with him but Dean said it was alright and that he’d be back in no time.

It took him slightly longer than he thought it would – oops – because he got caught up in the last of the rush hour traffic. When he returned, dinner in hand, the door to the apartment was unlocked so he let himself in. Cas wasn’t in the living room so he called out to him, correctly thinking he was probably in the study.

“Dean. I’m in here.” Cas’ voice came. Dean walked in and set the food on one of the shelves by the door and stared at his boyfriend who was standing still on the other side of the room. He had his back to the doorway, and was facing the window. His arms were crossed over his chest and Dean could see the definition of his shoulders and biceps by the way the shirt was hugging his form. The light casting in from the window made it look like the man was glowing and it gave a soft buttery look to the room. Castiel turned his head, smiling, and held out his hand.

“Come, Dean. Stand by me.” 

Dean walked up behind him, took Castiel’s hands and wrapped their arms around his waist and rested his chin on Cas’ shoulder. They stayed like that silently, just listening to each other’s even breaths, watching the sun go down. The sky was a mosaic of deep reds, oranges and blues, with strokes of different shades of yellow in between. They had a good view of the city skyline and the silhouette looked so nice against the colors, from where they stood. When the sun had set all the way behind the horizon, Castiel turned around in Dean’s arms and pressed their lips together. They shared languid kisses and kept their arms wrapped around each other, not moving from where they stood.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas.”

“Did you get our dinner?”

Dean chuckled softly. “Is that what this is about? You’re seducing me into feeding you?”

“You caught me. Is it working?” He said with an even tone, trying to sound serious but his smile gave him away.

“Mmm I don’t know yet.”

Castiel closed the small gap between their faces with a series of soft kisses all over Dean’s face. “How about now?”

Dean’s stomach growled in response and they broke into laughter. “Alright, you get off this time, but only because I’m too hungry to keep waiting.”

They settled on the floor of the study with their food, chips and queso between them. The TV wasn’t connected yet and despite having fully functioning, available furniture in the other rooms, they were content to just sit there in front of the window, looking out at the city below.

Dean agreed to come by again the next day to help with putting the rest together.

“Wait. Your bed didn’t come in.” Dean suddenly realized.

“Because I didn’t order one.” Cas said somewhat hesitantly. Dean cocked his eyebrow, asking for an explanation.

“Like, you didn’t order one _yet_? Or you’re not going to order one at all?”

Cas sighed. “I haven’t slept in a conventional bed in so long, I feel more comfortable on the floor now. When I was at Jimmy’s, I couldn’t sleep in their guest bed, being so used to not having a mattress beneath me, so I would wrap up in a comforter and sleep on the ground…” He darted his eyes around the room, seemingly uncomfortable in this admission. Dean immediately felt bad for sounding the way he did.

“No big deal. That’s actually kinda cool, like different. And hey, you save the money of having to buy the bed frame and mattress and box spring and all that shit.” He tried his best to sound reassuring, not sure why Cas was made uncomfortable by _this_ when he was always so unapologetic and nonchalant about everything else about him. “I might have to try out your method some time to see for myself.” He said with a wink, hoping to convert the atmosphere into something a little more lighthearted. Cas met his eyes and smiled hopefully.

“Yes, you might.”

 

Sunday went by in the same manner as Saturday, and dinner time, the apartment was coming together very well. They had arranged the furniture in the respective rooms and organized his belongings and what he bought to his liking. They even got the TV connected so they had something to watch while they ate. Castiel was very intrigued by HGTV and although he grumbled about it, Dean had to admit he indulged in a little _Brother vs. Brother_ every now and then. Jonathan Scott was a hottie.

They were in the middle of their meal when Dean’s phone rang. He looked at the screen to see Sarah’s name flashing.

“Hey Sarah, everything ok?”

“Hey! Yeah everything is fine. Look, I really hate to do this, really, but Sam and I talked about it. In depth. And I umm…I got a contract with a guy who is absolutely HUGE in the art scene and I can’t work from home anymore because of it. And I uhh start tomorrow. So as much as I am going to miss it, I won’t be able to watch Ben during the day. I’m so so sorry and-”

“Sarah. I’m proud of you! You don’t need to apologize, this is huge and I would’ve been upset if you _hadn’t_ accepted the offer! Don’t worry about Ben, I’ll find someone for him.”

“Oh, Dean thank you! I really am sorry to spring this on you.”

“Please, don’t worry. I’m really excited for you, this is a big deal!”

“Thanks Dean. I’ll see you when you come to pick up Ben.”

“See you then.”

He hung up the phone and resumed eating, gears in his head turning on what to do about Ben tomorrow. He supposed he could look into hiring a nanny until he was old enough to be going to pre-school but he wasn’t keen on his son being raised by a stranger, but he also didn’t really have a choice.

“What happened?” Castiel’s question snapped him out of his contemplation.

“Oh umm it was Sarah. She won’t be working from home anymore because she got a contract with some big wig which is awesome for her, but it means she can’t watch Ben while I’m at work. Which is fine, she was doing me a huge favor to begin with.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I mean, as much as I don’t want to, I guess I’m going to have to hire a nanny for him. I don’t really have any other choice. I’d better start looking now, seeing as I’ll need them starting tomorrow…”

“Dean.”

“Huh?”

“If it was ok with you, he could stay with me during the day. I’m just collecting checks and responding to emails now, so I don’t really leave the house.”

Dean was shocked, but at the same time, not really. Of course Cas would step up when he needed him. Of course he wouldn’t even hesitate to offer to take care of Ben while Dean couldn’t.

“You’d really be ok with that? Eight hours a day, five days a week? That wouldn’t be too much?”

“As long as you’re comfortable with it.”

“Wow. Awesome. Ok. Yeah. Yeah, thanks Cas. You’re a life saver, really, I owe you, man.”

There was a glint of something resembling mischief in his deep blue eyes. “Really? And in what capacity may I redeem this IOU?”

Dean’s insides stirred. He knew Cas was just being playful but there was a note of something else in his voice as well. He suddenly felt like the room was a few degrees too hot and his pants were a smidge too tight. Apparently Cas felt it, too, because his tongue darted out to moisten his lips and his eyes travelled to Dean’s crotch.

“I could umm…is there anything you…uhh…did you have something in mind?” He managed. He knew they agreed to take things slow but that meant acting when things fell into place and just felt right and this moment felt _right_. They locked eyes and a kind of understanding passed through them. He watched Cas’ adam’s apple bob and looked down at where there was a bulge in his pants that hadn’t been there minutes before. If there was any shred of doubt in his mind before, it was gone. They both wanted this. He set his food down and crawled over to Cas, hunger in his eyes. He straddled him and wrapped his arms around his neck, meeting his gaze to make sure they were still on the same page. They leaned in for an experimentally gentle kiss, but it quickly grew deeper, ravaging, starved.

Castiel’s hands wandered over Dean’s back, and then slipped beneath his shirt, rubbing over bare skin. He mapped out his muscles with his fingertips, making Dean slightly shiver, and then brought his hands to his chest and continued his exploration. One of his fingers grazed Dean’s nipple, causing his breath to hitch in their kiss. Castiel noticed and pulled away from his lips, with something resembling a smirk on his face. He repeated his action with his fingers, drawing out the same response, so he started working at them in earnest. He flicked the hardened nubs and pinched them with his thumbs and forefingers. Dean moaned arched his back into Castiel’s hands. Clothing started feeling like too much of a barrier between them, they craved more of each other, so they tugged at their shirts and pants, breathlessly moving as quickly as they could until they were both only in their boxer briefs. Both men panted into the kisses, not wanting to break contact. This was unchartered territory and they were eager to explore. Dean started trailing open mouthed kisses down Cas’ jaw and down his neck and chest, nipping with his teeth, sucking in his claim at his collarbone. They ground their hips together and moaned, the friction coming as a welcome feeling. Castiel’s hands were in Dean’s hair, gripping the back of his neck and head and thrusting into Dean with his head thrown back, groaning out Dean’s name softly.

Dean let his hands make their way down Cas’ chest and torso until his fingers were tugging along the elastic of his boxer briefs, as if requesting entry. He definitely wanted more, but only if Castiel was ok with it. His answer came in moans, lifting his hips up to pull the underwear off, and Dean’s followed suit. They gasped at the contact, relishing in the sensation of skin against skin.

Dean traced his fingers along the shaft of his boyfriend’s cock before wrapping his hand around the both of them. He gave them a few strokes and then licked his palm to make it easier. Precum and saliva made his jerks slicker and he sped up, squeezing and stroking and twisting.

“Oh, _fuck_. Oh…Dean…I’m…I feel…”

“Fuck, that’s it baby, I got you. Come on, Cas, I got you.”

Castiel had his face buried in Dean’s chest, sucking and biting as if desperate for something to keep him grounded. He moaned Dean’s name continuously, panting harder and harder. Dean reached and squeezed at Cas’ balls, rolling them in his hand. They were thrusting into Dean’s fist without rhythm, both feeling so close to the brink of completion, and then Cas was spilling himself all over Dean’s hand. The added heat and slickness and sound of his moans pushed Dean over the edge soon after, combining their come all over their laps. They just sat there for a while, panting, sharing soft, lazy kisses, smiling in the afterglow of what just transpired between them.

“I accept.”

“Huh?” Cas’ words broke Dean out of the happy trance he had fallen into.

“I accept this form of payment.”

Dean chuckled against his boyfriend, who’s head he was cradling against his chest. “That was awesome.”

They stayed like that for a while more, neither really wanting to move, but Dean finally got up and brought paper towels to clean them up. They got dressed and then cuddled on the couch until Dean had to go.

This was going to be good, Dean could already tell. This was going to be very good.


	15. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's hear it for smutty times ahead. *hip-hip hooray*

Monday morning, Dean woke up with a text from Castiel. It had been received at 1:18 a.m. _How late did he stay up after I left last night?_ Images from the night before flashed through his mind, making him break out in a smile. As far as sexual encounters went, what happened was very tame for Dean, but it felt better than certainly any of his one night stands had, and meant even more than any of the sex he’d ever had in any previous relationships. _Strange. Haven’t even known the man that long… Well. I’m fucked!_

He opened the text and smiled.

_Cas Novak: I had the thought that perhaps it would be wiser if I were to come to your home in the morning to watch Ben, instead of you bringing him here. It would be more prudent, seeing as my home is not accommodating to children at all, and you would not have to worry about packing anything for him._

_Cas Novak: Good night Dean. I will see you in the morning._

He was right, it would be a lot easier for Cas to just come over instead. _My boyfriend is so smart_. Yes, he was gushing internally. No, he would never admit that to anyone.

_Dean Winchester: Good morning Cas. You’re right, that’s a much better idea. Could you be here by 7:10?_

He went and picked up Ben out of his crib, and they went through their morning routine together. Ben had brought the pop-up book Sarah gave him to the table while they ate their breakfast. It was about a moose and a squirrel, who the author wanted the reader to believe were brothers, going around and helping other animals. He understood that it was supposed to teach little kids about being nice to others and whatnot, but the concept for the main characters was too funny for him to be able to take the book seriously. But Ben loved it, so he found himself reading it to his son often. That morning, Dean would read a page in between bites and Ben would babble along, pointing to the pop up animals to his daddy whenever Dean tried to turn his attention elsewhere.

“Cas is going to watch you today, buddy.”

“Me!”

“Yeah buddy, you. Are you excited?”

“Mmmpah dadee. Me!”

“Ben are you excited?” Dean knew he could get the answer out of him if he just talked enough. It was always incredibly adorable and gratifying when Ben formed coherent – to _him_ at least – responses. When Ben was able to say _yes_ and _no_ he would ask him questions constantly. Bobby and Sam especially had fun with it, asking questions like _Is Dean a little girl_ and _Is Dean a princess_ and then having a field day when the little boy would reply _yes_. The more people laughed, the more enthusiastic Ben was to reply in the positive, regardless of what they were saying. It was a spiraling cycle for Dean, but seeing his son growing and laughing made up for the fact that his family was having fun at his expense.

“Ben are you excited for Cas to come watch you?”

“Kiss?”

Dean was confused. Was Ben asking for a kiss in return for an answer? If so, this was new. He tickled his son’s neck with kisses, making the little boy fall into a fit of laughter. So he asked again. “Hey, Benny, are you excited for Cas to spend the day with you?”

“Yes! Kiss, yes!”

There was a knock at the door, and Dean looked at the time. Cas was ten minutes early. He was greeted at the door with a soft kiss.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas. Thanks again. Ben look who’s here!”

The little boy waddled as fast as his bow legs would take him, with his arms stretched out. “Kiss!” Cas picked him up and swung him around before planting a kiss on his forehead. Ben patted Castiel’s face and looked at his daddy. “Kiss! Hai yes kissss!” The look on Castiel’s face was adoring and a bit quizzical.

“Little man’s been asking for kisses all morning. It’s new, but adorable.”

Ben turned back to Cas and pulled at his collar, rubbed his hands on his stubbled face and patted his shoulders, repeating the word _kiss_. Castiel started chuckling.

“Dean, I believe he is imitating you when you call me Cas. He isn’t asking for kisses; he’s calling me kiss.”

Dean laughed, doubling over. This was funnier than his son calling Bobby _Bee_. “Ben, who is this?” He asked, pointing at Cas.

“Kiss!”

Both men laughed, and Ben joined with his own excited squeals.

They talked for a few minutes, and as he was leaving, he said bye to Ben with a hug and loud exchange of smooches on the cheek, and then pressed his lips against his boyfriend’s. He dropped his voice to a deep whisper and leaned in to Cas’ ear. “Bye, _Kiss_. See you later.”

Throughout the day Dean got a few texts from Cas of pictures of him and Ben. There was one that Ben had clearly taken. His son’s little hand was covering the bottom of the screen and his face was concentrated on his finger. Cas was in the background of the picture, smiling at his efforts. He sent a video of him teaching Ben yoga, but it seemed that the child was more intent on learning to tumble instead. It gave him a warm feeling and he couldn’t help but break out in a wide smile at his son and his boyfriend having such a good time together. Cas was a good man. Ellen’s words were resonating in his head. He was a good man, amazing with his son and he made him happy. Their relationship was still very new, but he couldn’t fight the thoughts of wanting the man in their lives for the rest of – well…a very long time. _It’s too early to be thinking like that. That is dangerous territory. Can’t go off saying all those big words... Too early for that shit. Forever is a long time. Hell, you don’t know what you’re eating for dinner tomorrow. No way you can be planning a whole life with a guy. No way. Not…not yet at least. Fuck, just take it easy, Winchester._

Around 2:00 Jimmy, came into Dean’s office and sat down across him.

“Did I tell you how nice your new office is?”

“Yeah, you did. But Jimmy, before you say it, there was no ass kissing involved in getting this sweet dig. So screw yourself.” Dean replied to his friend with as sweet of a smile as he could manage. Jimmy just laughed.

“Anywho, it’s been decided that we’re all going make t-shirts to wear when we go to Sam and Jo’s marathon this weekend. So Friday evening, everyone is coming over for dinner, and we’ll make shirts.”

Dean smirked at him.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just awesome how Claire has you and Ames wrapped around her finger. This has her ideas written all over it.” He smiled and Jimmy just laughed softly.

“Oh yeah, there’s no denying that, but don’t act like you, or really anyone, could ever say no to her either. We’ve raised a precious, powerful little monster.” There was nothing but adoration in his friend’s words. Dean understood. A few years ago, he probably wouldn’t have, but with Ben, he felt the same way. Parenthood will do that to a person.

 

Dean had just left the office when he shot Cas a text that he would be headed home.

_Cas Novak: Drive safely Dean._

 

He unlocked his apartment door to find Castiel on all fours with Ben in a giggling fit on the man’s back. The little boy looked up at his daddy and smiled for him without letting go of Cas’ collar and the fistful of dark hair.

“Wow looks like you guys have been having all this fun without me.” He tried to pout, but he couldn’t, not when he was smiling so hard.

“Hello Dean. I was trying to demonstrate a table top position in yoga, when Ben climbed on and insisted I be a horse. Or a donkey.”

Dean raised an eyebrow? “He insisted you be a horse or donkey?”

“Well, not in so many words, but I understood what he meant.” Cas responded, still on his hands and knees, still shuffling around a bit to keep the child laughing. Dean crouched down to meet the clear blue irises and he pressed their lips together. He drew back slightly and whispered against the man’s parted mouth. “When do I get to ride the ass?”

Castiel’s breath hitched and his eyes grew wide, staring at Dean, who only winked and kissed him on the cheek. He started to get up, but Cas held him down and leaned close to his ear, his breath making the hairs on his neck stand on end. “Don’t tempt me, Dean Winchester.”

And _hot damn_ Dean liked the sound of that. He scrambled up before he got any more ideas and quickly went into his room to change out of his clothes into something more comfortable. He traded his suit for low rise grey sweatpants and a black Henley, and went into the kitchen to start on the burgers. He could hear Cas and Ben in the other room playing and laughing and he smiled, listening to them as he worked. He was putting the food on plates for them when the noise died down briefly before a familiar guitar riff started playing.

_“Drop down baby, let your daddy see_

_Drop down mama, just dream of me_

_Well, my mama allow me to fool around all night long_

_Well I may look like I’m crazy, I should know right from wrong_

_See me comin’, throw your man out the door_

_Ain’t no stranger, been this way before”_

Dean looked into the living room where Cas and Ben were holding hands, dancing. The man would swing the little boy around, and when his feet hit the ground again, Ben would bob his knees and twist his chubby torso enthusiastically with peals of laughter. Cas was swaying and the corners of his eyes were crinkled together, the smile lines around his mouth were defined and he would throw his head back to perfect his gummy toothy smile that Dean loved so much. _Wait. Loved? When did that happen? No, no I meant like. A lot. Like I like it a lot. A strong like. I have a strong feeling of like towards him. That’s it._

Dean joined the two and started singing along with Robert Plant’s high pitched voice.

_“Ooh, your custard pie, yeah, sweet and nice_

_When you cut it, mama, save me a slice_

_Your custard pie, yeah_

_I declare you’re sweet and nice like your custard pie_

_When you cut it mama, mama please, save me a slice”_

When the song ended, he picked up his son who was babbling words that Dean liked to think were his attempt at singing along with Zeppelin, and pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss. “Dinner’s ready,” he said against Cas’ lips. Blue eyes looked at him with a happily surprised expression.

“You want me to stay for dinner?”

Dean realized it hadn’t even occurred to him that Cas _wouldn’t_ stay to eat with him and his son, and then wind down after a long day, and then get ready for bed. For some reason, he had the idea, that that was exactly what he was coming home to when he saw Cas and Ben playing together. _Where did that come from?_

“I mean…if you want to. I made burgers. But umm…if you had something to do, that’s fine, I should’ve asked before I assumed.”

Cas smiled. “Dean, I would love to stay, thank you.”

 

After the meal, Dean took Ben to get bathed while Cas cleaned up the kitchen. When he and Ben returned to the living room, they curled up on the couch to watch TV, and Dean had his computer in his lap to get a bit of work done. Ben was on the floor surrounded by a pile of colorful building blocks. Cas had put on a documentary about sloths, and as much as Dean had protested before, he was now engrossed in the strange creatures on the screen, looking up often from the work in front of him. Even Ben was interested, pointing and cooing at the slow-moving animals and then looking at his daddy and Cas to see if they were seeing what he was pointing to.

Ben was getting sleepy and abandoned his place on the floor to climb up onto the couch and wedge himself between the two men, laying his head on Dean’s leg and stretching his legs across Cas’ lap. Dean saved his work and put the computer away, knowing that he had to cherish the moments that his son would crawl into his lap to fall asleep, because he knew he would miss the affections of the baby when he grew up. Ben reached up and grabbed Dean’s index finger and held his hand to his side.

“Kiss! Dadee.” He cooed a few more words as he lay there and the newly learned name made both men smile.

With Dean’s finger in his hand and Cas gently patting the little boy’s back, he was soon fast asleep. They stayed there like that until the documentary was over, then took Ben to lay him in his crib. Dean pulled the blankets around the sleeping child and looked up at Cas who had a look of something that could only be described as love in his eyes towards the little boy. To see someone feel that much towards his child stirred something in Dean. He couldn’t say what it was, only that he knew he wanted that man.

“Hey umm…Cas?” he whispered.

“Yes Dean?”

“I uhh, I usually take my showers when I’m giving Ben his bath, but I umm…didn’t do that tonight.”

Cas looked up and cocked his head ever so slightly to the left. “Ok…?”

“So I still have to shower.”

“Did you want me to leave so you may turn in for the night?”

“No! I mean, I was kind of thinking, maybe you needed to shower, too?”

Cas’ eyebrows were drawn together. He took a tentative sniff of his underarm and looked at Dean with confusion. “Is my body odor unpleasantly detectable? I wasn’t aware if I smelled bad.”

Dean ran his hand over his face. Clueless Cas was an adorable Cas, but he also wished the man would just get the hint, but no. He was going to have to say what he wanted out loud. “No, you smell great, man. What I’m trying to get at is, maybe you’d like to join me? You know, to save water… Instead of two showers, one shower would use less water…”

Once he said this he could see the realization dawn on Castiel’s face, and then immediately saw it evolve into something feral. “Yes, Dean. I would like that very much.”

Dean took his hand and led him into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. And then Cas’ lips were on his, gentle, warm, and oh so good. He turned on the water to let it warm up and then turned his attention to getting himself and his boyfriend naked. He all but tore his own shirt off and stepped out of his sweats and boxers hurriedly. Cas eyed his cock that was clearly starting to show interest in the situation, and if Dean didn’t know any better, he would say that Cas proceeded to strip his clothes off teasingly slow if only to torture him. Bit by bit of gloriously tanned, smooth skin was being revealed to him and drove him wild. The man’s triceps flexed as he pulled his shirt over his head and Dean licked his lips. Cas unbuttoned his pants and lowered himself as he slid his jeans and boxers down until he was crouched on the floor in front of Dean, then slowly stood back up, eyeing Dean’s body as he rose. The large bathroom was getting very warm now and it had little to do with the steam coming from the shower.

They stepped into the shower, letting the steady streams of water wash over them. They shared a heated kiss, running their hands up and down each other’s backs and arms, gliding smoothly with the wetness. Dean nipped softly at his lower lip, drawing back to look at his face. Cas opened his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, pushing it out of his face and slicking it back and _damn_ _that was a good look_. He pushed him against the wall and wound his arms underneath Castiel’s, putting his hands on the man’s shoulder blades and gripping tight. He trailed kisses over the stubble of his jaw and continued down his neck, up to his ears, swiping his tongue over the shell and nibbling the lobe. They were grinding against each other now, slowly, groaning at the heat and lack of friction due to the water. Cas’s hands roamed over Dean’s back, occasionally making their way down to Dean’s ass, squeezing each cheek, fingers grazing against his puckered entrance.

Dean kissed and licked over Cas’ pulse and then sucked his claim in that spot. Cas was _his_ and it felt amazing to have him. He lowered himself to his knees and anchored himself by holding on to the man’s muscular thighs. He felt the quadriceps flex under his fingers and he gave a squeeze, looking up into his boyfriend’s lust blown eyes. Keeping their eyes locked, he licked up the underside of Cas’ cock, earning a soft moan. He then sucked each one of his balls into his mouth, varying suction and fondling them with his tongue. He kitten licked at them until he could see precum starting to leak from the head of his dick. He ran his tongue over the head, tracing teasing circles over it, dipping the tip of his tongue into the slit. Cas’ moans were deeper now, his breathing was harder, but his eyes never left Dean.

He wrapped his lips around Cas’ dick and pushed himself further down, licking along the shaft as he did so, until his nose was nestled in the wet dark hair at the base. He breathed in the musk, loving how Cas smelled. He pulled back a little to take a few breaths and swallow a few times in preparation and then slid his hard cock all the way down until the head was pushing against his throat. He swallowed around the head a few times, relishing in the guttural sounds he was drawing out from the man above him who was clearly losing control. Dean gave one most swallow and then hollowed out his cheeks around Cas’ member and pulled off it, gasping for air. He released it with an obscene pop, and looked up at his boyfriend, who looked completely wrecked. He was panting, dripping wet, _hungry._ Dean relaxed his throat and took a few deep breaths and used his hands to push Cas’ hips, moving his dick in and out of his mouth. He hoped he would get what Dean wanted him to do, and luckily he was quick to understand. Dean dropped his hands and ceased his movements, just relaxing. He gave a nod to indicate that he was ready for whatever the man wanted. Cas started thrusting into Dean’s wanting mouth, slowly at first, as if testing his limits, not wanting to hurt him or cause him discomfort. Dean just moaned in encouragement, and Cas sped up his efforts, fucking into his throat, reading the pleasure on the man’s face beneath him.

He wasn’t sure, but he was getting the feeling that Cas was close, so he stopped him, not wanting this to be over yet. He didn’t want this to be a quick thing, he wanted them both to enjoy this, he wanted to make him feel good. He steadied himself and then wrapped one hand around the shaft and used the other hand to play with his balls. He licked up and down his cock, swallowing him down with every few strokes, delighting in the velvety skin, the vein that so prominently ran down the shaft, and the hot heaviness of it against his tongue. Cas just felt so good.

He heard the click of a cap and then felt Castiel’s hands in his hair, massaging his scalp, and he could smell the citrus of the lather he was working. The man’s ministrations on his head were absolutely divine. He was rubbing the shampoo through his hair with such tenderness, was kneading his fingers over every part of his head so expertly, Dean was almost overwhelmed. There was a certain amount of intimacy in this. After all the people he had been in bed with, no one had tried to care for him and pay this kind of fond attention to him while he had their dick in his mouth. He could feel Cas’ fingers rubbing circles at his temples, at the back of his neck, behind his ears, and the build up of feeling in Dean’s gut made him double his efforts at conveying how he felt to this man that he was falling for so quickly.

He continued stroking Cas’ cock, flicking his wrist, twisting and jerking every which way he knew felt good and let his tongue and mouth concentrate attentions on the leaking head of his dick. It was pulsing with need and Dean was more than happy to give. He rapidly flicked the tip of his tongue continuously until Cas’ fingers were knotted with his hair, gripping tight, and he knew that he was close. He kept up his movements and gave his balls a few rolls with his hands and then Cas let out a predatory growl as he released his cum into Dean’s waiting mouth.

“Oh… oh yes… ahhh _Dean_!”

He sucked and stroked him through his orgasm, licking up every drop of his cum, making sure Cas could see how much he wanted him.

Castiel dropped to his knees and kissed Dean feverishly, tasting himself on his tongue, holding him tightly against himself and massaging his scalp again. They both rose together and Dean let Cas rinse his hair out for him. He stood under the water with his eyes closed while Cas worked his fingers through his hair. He let himself be guided from under the stream while Cas put the conditioner in his hair and then squeezed shower gel onto his loofah. Dean became pliant under Castiel’s attentive hands. The blue eyes were raking over his body, drinking in the sight of him, relaxed and soapy. He scrubbed his arms and chuckled when Dean giggled at having his tickling arm pits cleaned. He scrubbed his back and legs even made sure to slip a soapy hand between his taut ass cheeks and rub a soapy hand over Dean’s erection which had been ignored up until that point. Dean let himself be taken care of, and he found that he enjoyed it. He loved the attention Cas was paying to getting him clean. His touches were caring and intimate in a way that wasn’t sexual, but still got him aroused.

Cas pushed him back under the water, washing away the soap in his hair and on his body. He was completely and utterly relaxed, and somehow he didn’t even care that he hadn’t cum. He was totally blissed out as he was. He kept his eyes closed while Castiel kissed him on the lips ardently, letting him take control of the kiss. He didn’t open his eyes when the kisses moved down his neck, over his chest, down his stomach, and then he felt him sucking and biting at the space below his naval. One of Cas’ hands was slowly stroking Dean’s throbbing cock and the other hand had found its way back to Dean’s ass.

His dick was suddenly engulfed entirely in a hot, wet, suction and he looked down and _holy hell_ the man had managed to swallow Dean down in one go, which was maddeningly impressive, as Dean was by no means poorly of even averagely endowed. Castiel looked up at him, cheeks hollowed, hair a mess, eyes wide and a dark stormy blue, looking at him from under a fan of thick eyelashes. He looked completely debauched and damn if that didn’t make it hotter. He was giving Dean a series of uninterrupted, fast sucks, never moving his mouth, only applying more pressure on the inside, and Dean was tipping dangerously close to the edge faster than he was proud to admit. The man was doing things with his tongue that were making his toes curl and his hands found refuge in Cas’s hair, holding tight to ground himself, lest he lose himself in this other worldly blow job.

Cas finally released Dean’s cock from his mouth and the wicked gleam in his eyes told Dean that he knew exactly what kind of effect he was having on him and he couldn’t help but wonder where the hell he learned this.

His mouth was moving in sync with his hand over Dean’s shaft now. Dean closed his eyes, and tried to keep himself from finishing so soon. He wanted to last. He _needed_ to last longer than this, he couldn’t –

His eyes flew open when he felt one of Cas’ fingers breach his hole and he couldn’t help the animalistic moan that escaped him. He slid his finger in and out in time with his hand and mouth, moaning around his cock, sending the vibrations to Dean’s core. Dean’s breathing became shallow. There was no way he could hold back now. He was close, so close. His mouth was open in an ‘o’ and his head was thrown back against the wall. Castiel curled his finger once, twice, three times, and then on the fourth, he found the bundle of nerves inside Dean that pushed him to the brink. He kept his finger there and kept moving against it. Dean couldn’t contain himself. The stimulation on his prostate and on his cock were too much.

“Oh _fuck!_ Holy, shit, yes, Cas. Yeah, oh Cas, I’m…gonna…oh _Cas!_ ”

Cas stroked every drop of cum out of Dean, letting it land on his outstretched tongue, on his face, in his mouth, and then removed his finger from his asshole.

“Holy hell, Cas. Where did you…learn…to suck dick like that? Did you have access to some…exotic…secret-to-the-universe porn or something?”

“Was it to your liking?”

“Hell yes. I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm that good. You could…you could teach a god damn class.” He panted. “Now come here, let me get you clean.”

Castiel smiled at the innuendo in his words and allowed Dean to wash his hair and body as he had done for him earlier. They kissed under the water for a little bit after they were both clean and then stepped out. Dean handed Cas a towel to dry himself off, but instead he started patting Dean down, and even towel dried his hair. So he dried his boyfriend off in return and then pulled him close for a kiss.

“You never stop surprising me with how good you are and how lucky I am.”

“I hope to never stop.” Cas said in between kisses. “Oh and Dean?”

“Mhmm?”

“I’m fairly certain we used more water in our joint shower than we would have if we had simply showered separately.” He deadpanned.

Dean’s body shook with laughter, and he doubled over, holding onto Cas’ shoulder for support. “Worth it.”

“I agree.”

 

They went back to the living room and laid there together on the couch with a blanket over them, Castel behind him with his arms wrapped around his waist, his head on the arm rest. Dean had his laptop in front of him and continued working while Cas watched another documentary. He would rub small circles on his hips every now and then with his thumbs and Dean found it very relaxing to just lay there with him naked. Cas let him work but made him very comfortable. Perhaps if he were younger, the situation would have been distracting and rendered him unable to focus, but luckily he just felt sated, happy and completely at ease.

He looked at the time at the bottom corner of his laptop. It was getting late, so he saved his work and turned his computer off, setting it down on the floor. He then turned around to face the man behind him. He strained his neck and reached up for a chaste kiss and then nuzzled his face against his chest. He smelled nice, like his shower gel. _I could get used to this._

“Hey.”

“Yes, Dean?”

“It’s time for bed.”

“Alright.”

They slowly stood up, both reluctant to move from their comfortable positions and made their way to the bedroom. They went into the bathroom and Dean started brushing his teeth and was surprised when he saw Cas putting his clothes on.

“Do you sleep with jeans on?” he was a little confused.

“No, I prefer to sleep in only my underwear, but I grew accustomed to sleeping clothed after sharing rooms with multiple people during my time traveling. But I do not wear jeans. If I am to wear pants to sleep, I prefer something lighter.”

“Oh. Then why…” he trailed off. _He’s not getting dressed to sleep, he’s getting dressed to leave. Why did I think he would stay? I mean…maybe if I asked him… I definitely want him to stay. But he might not want to…_

Castiel was fully dressed and he must have understood what Dean was getting at, because he stood behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. “I would like nothing more than to fall asleep with you in my arms tonight, but I do believe that may be advancing our relationship a degree faster than we are adjusted to. And besides, I will be back here first thing tomorrow morning.”

Dean’s face and body must have conveyed the disappointment he felt because Cas kissed his cheek tenderly and whispered in his ear in his low, rumbling tenor. “Sleep tonight, Dean. You have to wake up early tomorrow, and if I were to stay tonight, I do not believe I would allow either of us to get sufficient rest.”

_He has a point. Damn his reasonability._ He sighed and turned around, nodding his agreement.

“Perhaps I could stay with you for the night this weekend instead?”

The compromise made Dean happy. “Yeah. I would like that. That would be awesome.”

“Alright then.”

Dean walked Castiel outside to his car and they said their goodnights. Dean fell asleep soon after his head hit the pillow, blissed out from an amazing evening, and content with the promise of seeing those blue eyes again in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a minute to thank everyone who has been following this story. You guys are really amazing and I hope you have been enjoying reading it so far, as much as I have enjoyed writing it, if not more. Your support and feedback mean so much to me and I love you all!


	16. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit the dreaded writer's block for this chapter. There were a handful of post-election day blues that kept me from working on this, and so to anyone who was devastated by the results, I was right there with you. But like Misha said, we can create positive change in other ways, so keep your chins up and smile, we have each other.  
> Please enjoy and accept this fluffy chapter in apology for the delay. Thank you all for your patience and support. Your comments and kudos are so encouraging. *kisses*

As planned, Friday evening everybody was at the Novak house for dinner, followed by a congregated T-shirt decorating session. Claire passed out little tubs of assorted colors of markers, tubes of glitter glue, metallic glue, bottles of glitter, stickers, paints, streamers and just about every craft supply under the sun. Dean and Charlie huddled together, lost in their own world, furiously, thoughtfully and deliberately toiling over their t-shirts. Dean wasn’t one for this kind of thing, but when Charlie made it competitive, it changed things. She bragged about her being better than Dean, he declared he would craft the hell out of the arts and put her to shame, which is how they wound up in a corner of the room, concentrated on the fabric in front of them, oblivious to the fun happening around them.

Everyone else was pretty much done and just hanging around, talking while Dean and Charlie toiled. Dean had written _Run, Forrest! Run!_ in bold red block letters and drawn a picture of Sam, complete with hair that flowed down to the ground, with an Impala chasing him. He was pretty proud of his work until he saw that Charlie had drawn Jo as Sonic the Hedgehog and _Dean_ as Dr. Eggman. To say it was unflattering was an extreme understatement. He was about to comment when he heard a collective gasp, several ripping sounds and then laughter. He looked over to see Ben giggling on his back, in front of Castiel’s crossed legs ripping apart tissue paper and throwing it around. Claire was sitting on Cas’ shoulders with a distraught look on her face. He was about to go pick up his son who was rolling around on his back with his chubby thighs in the air and apologize to Claire for him ripping up her paper, when Cas pulled the little girl into his lap and tossed some of the shreds around her.

“Confetti! It’s a parade!”

That effectively wiped away her frown and even made her laugh. _Cas coming to the rescue, yet again._ Dean smiled. This was what he loved about the man, his – wait. He meant, _liked._ This is what he very sincerely, strongly _liked_ about the man. _Right? I mean, I can’t possibly be in love with him yet. He’s absolutely amazing, but that doesn’t mean…can it? I haven’t known him long enough. But I_ know _him. And he’s everything I could ever want…God. What’s gotten into me?_

“But uncle Cas, your shirt is ruined now!” He saw his pick Ben up so that he was standing, giving Dean a view of his back, which was covered in glitter glue. The shirt was just a smear of colors across the front, but Cas seemed unaffected, and just smiled at Claire. “But doesn’t this look more interesting? It resembles a nebula now, I quite like it. I think Ben knew what he was doing, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeah you’re right! I wanna do that to my shirt! When the front dries I’ll do it on the back!”

_Catastrophe averted._ Dean saw Amelia flash Cas a thankful smile. _I’ve got the best boyfriend in the world._

 

As promised, Cas spent the night at Dean’s. They put Ben to bed after bathing him and then settled in to watch _Caddyshack_ together. When the movie was over, although tired, Dean was giddy getting ready for bed. They showered together, excitedly washing one another, exchanging heated kisses under the spray of warm water, hands roaming over the expanse of skin. The two men brushed their teeth side by side and then collapsed into bed together. Dean rested his head against Cas’ chest and hooked his leg over his body and threw his arm around him, snuggling in as close as possible. They shared lazy kisses and talked in low voices about nothing and everything until they drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

 

Waking up next to Castiel was better than Dean could have even imagined. Ben’s cooing pulled him from his sleep, but he felt more rested than he had in a while. He looked at the clock next to his bed. 6:34. This was the latest his son had ever woken up. He breathed in the lingering scent of his body wash on Cas and carefully untangled his limbs from the man who was slowly stirring to life next to him. Ben was already standing up in his crib, holding on to the railing, smiling at his daddy. Dean stretched and yawned, pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and picked his son up out of his crib and went into the bathroom, letting him stand on his own while he used the toilet. He washed his hands and started brushing his teeth when he realized, sleepily, that Ben wasn’t in the bathroom with him. He poked his head back into the bedroom and what he saw melted his heart. Ben was crawling onto the bed next to Cas who was waking up and smiling with closed eyes.

“Kiss?”

“Mmmm.” Cas grumbled in response and turned to lay on his side so that he was facing the child.

“Kiss!”

“Mhmm.”

Ben had climbed on top of Cas’ sleeping form and had laid down flat over the blanket, patting his little hands over the man’s face. “Kiiisssss!”

“Good morning Ben!” Blue eyes suddenly flew open and the man turned onto his back, surprising the little boy. He lifted him up and gently shook him in the air, causing Ben to giggle uncontrollably. He then brought him back down and blew a raspberry into his tummy and the child’s laughter only increased. They played like this for a while and Dean just stood in the doorway, falling in love with the sleepy blue eyed man in his bed. He had been trying so hard to deny how he felt, to convince himself that his feelings didn’t run as deep as they did, but not anymore. He didn’t care because in this moment, early in the morning, in the bedroom dimly lit only by the light flooding in from the bathroom, mouth full of toothpaste, feet cold from standing on the bathroom tile, he only felt love for the two people in the room. There were no fireworks, no sudden epiphany, no symphonies, just the quiet warmth cradling his heart, filling his chest with a gentle wave of happiness. The weird, dorky man with sensible shoes and a dirty trench coat had made Dean fall in love with him. And he felt at ease with it. Sure, there was the uncertainty due to the newness of it all, but there was no fear. He was content to just _feel_.

Dean spit and rinsed out his mouth and then padded over back to bed where his son and his boyfriend were tunneling through the bed sheets. He pulled the covers off of the pair and growled, as if to scare them, but Ben only laughed harder and clung to Cas, who had at some point also gotten dressed in one of Dean’s sweats and shirts.

“Morning, sunshine.” Dean leaned in to kiss his boyfriend and sat on the bed with them.

“Hello, Dean.” God, he wanted to wake up to this every morning.

The three of them stayed in bed an hour longer, eventually all snuggled together, with Ben between them. They didn’t have to be at the city square where Sam and Jo’s marathon was happening, until noon, so they had plenty of time to pass the morning as they pleased.

“Dadee! Ohmee!” Ben patted his tummy and repeated, “Ohmee, dadee!”

Dean blinked and laughed. “Dude, he’s saying oatmeal! Benny, you want oatmeal?”

The little boy nodded and rubbed up and down his torso, repeating, “Ohmee!”

“Yes, he kept referring to it as potatoes so I took it upon myself to try and help him differentiate.”

“Awesome. Now we gotta work on knowing the difference between every other brown-ish food. How about you two get cleaned up and I’ll get started on breakfast?”

While Cas and Ben were in the bathroom, Dean looked up YouTube videos on how to make those cheesy heart designs in the center of lattes. This wasn’t the sort of thing he did, but he knew Cas would appreciate the gesture. While the coffee brewed, he made their oatmeal. He arranged blue berries in a smiley face in his son’s bowl and a heart in Cas’. _Geez what a sap…_

Carefully following the videos instructions, Dean attempted the heart shape, but as luck would have it, Cas and Ben entered the kitchen at that moment, making him jerk his hand in surprise, spilling a bit of cream over the mug. He handed the cup to Cas without looking so that he could wipe up the small spill. “Here, I made you coffee.”

He threw away the soaked paper towel and looked up at Cas’ amused expression on his face. “I appreciate the coffee, Dean. Very subtle.”

_Oh. God._ Dean looked at the mug and there, in the center of the dark liquid was a creamy shape. Not a heart. A penis. He had handed his boyfriend a very thoughtful penis latte to express his love. He felt his face grow red.

“Ohmygod Cas, no I meant it to be a heart, but you guys surprised me and I was just trying to show you I love you and ohgod it’s not like I’m just in this to get in your pants-” Cas caught his lips with his own. When he pulled back he was smiling wide, that toothy gummy smile that reduced Dean to a pile of mushy goop.

“I love you, too.” He planted a soft kiss on Dean’s cheek.

_WAIT._

“I love you so much, Dean.” He kissed his stunned face again.

_OH MY GOD._

“I love you and I love Ben.” Another kiss.

_PRAISE THE LORD AMEN HALLELUJAH HE SAID IT BACK EVERYTHING IS OK HE DOESN’T THINK I’M JUST A PERV. I SAID IT. HE SAID IT. IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE IN LOVE WHAT THE HELL._

“The coffee is perfect, I assure you.” The bastard winked and took a long sip.

 

The weather was a little on the cooler side, but the sun was out, making it generally pleasant. Everyone gathered to watch Sam and Jo take off along with the rest of the runners. They got a lot of smiles and comments on their shirts, which Claire had made sure to remind everyone to wear. They returned to their cars to park close to the finish line, but then took advantage of the nice weather and walked to the nearby park. Everyone had brought blankets and a picnic basket each. Ellen and Bobby were pushing the kids on the swings while Jimmy and Amelia laid out together on their blanket. Gabriel, Sarah, Charlie, Dean and Cas sat at a bench playing board games until the kids decided it was time for lunch and they all shared in whatever they had packed. Around 3:00 they packed everything back up into their cars and walked to the finish line to be there when Sam and Jo crossed. They usually averaged around four hours but Dean was sure they would finish just a little bit faster this year.

Sure enough, clocking in at three hours, forty-one minutes and eleven seconds, Jo passed the finish line and Sam tailed her, just five seconds behind. In the evening, everyone met back up at the Roadhouse to celebrate Sam and Jo’s finish, and the two of them finally let themselves indulge in all the greasy, fried delicious food they had deprived themselves of in preparation for the marathon.

Dean looked around at his family. They were noisy, certainly _nosy_ , and all around crazy. But they were family and he wouldn’t have changed anything about it. He loved every single one of them, and now he had Cas in his life, and he thought about Ellen’s words, about Bobby just happily easing into her life. He couldn’t imagine life without those striking blue eyes now, and he entertained the idea briefly of making him _official_ family, but he shook it off. It was too soon for that, and he was in no rush, and he was content to carry on the way they had been. They had nothing but time.

 

Castiel was staying that night, too. Ben was already asleep by the time they got there, so they changed his clothes, put on a Pull-up, and tucked him in his crib. He had a very active day, and never got his nap, so they weren’t surprised to see the little boy conked out in his car seat.

Dean a little tired, but not so much so that he could ignore the excitement of having another night with Cas. He wanted to make him feel special tonight, but with his son sleeping in the bedroom, he had to come up with something he could do in the living room. He had an idea, but he would have to work quickly.

“Hey, Cas? Why don’t you start up a shower for us?”

Castiel raised his eyebrow. “Will you be joining?”

“Yeah, I just wanna put away our stuff from the picnic first.”

Once he heard the bathroom door close, he got to work. He moved the furniture around in the living room so that the center was just a wide-open space. Then he got some blankets out of the linen closet and spread them around the floor. Luckily he had an unopened 48-count pack of tea light candles that Charlie insisted he kept around, in case of a power outage, she said. He would have to thank her later. He set those around the room without lighting them and then connected his speakers to his phone’s Bluetooth and found his _special_ playlist. It consisted of a lot of Marvin Gaye, Prince, George Michael, Elvis and Chris Stapleton. Not sure if he was being too presumptuous, he put a bottle of lube and condoms on the table. Just in case. He then joined his boyfriend in the shower. He was quick to wash himself and Cas was almost done by the time Dean came inside. That didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy a wet, heavy make out session against the shower wall. Holding him up, Dean turned off the water, never breaking contact, and stepped out of the shower to start drying the both of them.

“Hey Cas?”

“Mhmm?” Castiel answered with his mouth trailing Dean’s jaw, nuzzling the soft skin behind his ear.

“I umm… I wanted to do something tonight.”

“Mhmm?” Cas’ mouth never left Dean’s skin.

“You have to keep your eyes closed until I’m ready.”

“Or you could blindfold me.” _Whoa_. His voice was definitely octaves lower than usual, and the vibrations of his words against Dean’s neck sent shivers down his spine.

“Yeah. Yeah ok I can do that. Good idea. Wait here.” He ran to his closet and grabbed the first tie he could get his hands on and returned to the bathroom where a gloriously naked Castiel was standing, waiting for him. Once the silk was tied around his eyes, Dean guided him to the living room and sat him down on the blankets. With the lighter he left on the table, he lit each of the forty-eight candles, turned off the lights and pressed play on his music. He dropped to the floor in front of his boyfriend and put two hands on either side of his face, brushing his thumb over his cheek. He brought their lips together for a soft kiss, and then removed the tie from Castiel’s eyes.

The look on his face was priceless, precious. There was plenty of light in the room from the candles and the flickering accentuated Cas’ features beautifully. He could see the happiness on his face, the surprise, the adoration.

“This is beautiful, Dean.” His soft smile turned into something of a smirk. “Does this have any relation to the coffee incident this morning?”

Dean laughed and pushed Cas’ shoulder playfully. “No, you ass.” They slotted their lips together in a kiss that was much more chaste than the ones they exchanged in the shower, and Dean found that he was content to move slowly like this, to enjoy the kiss, the moment without urgency.

“Are you certain that there was no subliminal messaging intended?” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips.

“No, ‘course not.”

Tongues and lips glided together, in fluid movements, intermittent with soft pecks and smiles.

“So you positively were not intending to plant the idea of sex in my head so that I would be aroused all day and therefore more easily seduced?”

“Sounds like you’ve thought of doing something like that, now that I hear you talk about it.”

They laughed in between kisses and Dean was falling more and more in love. He had never been able to laugh and have joking banter during intimacy before. It was usually all business, regardless of how fast or slow it was. This felt good, it was fun, it was almost _more_ intimate because there was this level of comfort with each other, a sense of real warmth.

“I love you, Cas.” He whispered.

“And I love you, Dean.”

They laid back on the blankets together, Dean distributing his weight evenly so as to not crush the man beneath him. They were both naked, and for the first time since they started, Dean became aware of the growing weight between his legs. Their cocks pressed against each other and the friction was so good, so _right_. Castiel let out a low rumbling moan into their kiss and his hips canted up, seeking friction.

“Dean…” He rutted his hips again, and Dean gasped. He wanted this and more. He wanted everything. He wanted Castiel.

“Hey Cas?”

“Mmm.”

“Do you want to umm… Do you trust me?”

Cas nodded and hummed his agreement against Dean’s neck where he was peppering light kisses. “Of course.”

“If you’re ready, I want to umm…I want us… _I-want-us-to-make-love-tonight._ ” He blurted, not sure where the words came from, but knowing that he meant it. This wouldn’t be fucking, or just having sex. As cliché as it sounded, with Cas it would be making love in every sense.

“Yes, Dean, I’m ready. I trust you.”

“Then let me take care of you tonight.”

Just like that, he could feel Cas surrender control to Dean. It was electrifying. He made his way down Cas’ body, trailing kisses over every inch of skin, tracing his fingers over the planes of muscle. He licked a stripe up the shaft of his erect cock and when his tongue got to the head, he licked circles around it before taking him in his mouth entirely. He gave him a few long and strong sucks before letting him slide out of his mouth and taking him in his hand. He started lazily pumping his dick and licking his way down the underside of the shaft. Instead of stopping, he continued working his tongue down and gave a few flicks at his perineum, eliciting a low gasp from the man below him. He didn’t know if Cas wanted to top or bottom but he wanted him to feel everything this first time. He wanted it to be memorable and _good_. Thankful for their shower, Dean circled his tight ring of muscle with his tongue.

“Relax, baby. I’ll take care of you. I’ll make you feel good tonight.” Once Cas stopped clenching, Dean continued his efforts. He spread Cas’ legs further apart to give him better access and laved at his entrance with the flat of his tongue, licking all the way up to his balls. He then took each one into his mouth, one at a time, swirling his tongue around the sensitive skin and then gently sucking. The moans and growls he was getting from his boyfriend were absolutely delicious and he worked more ardently, craving to hear the throaty guttural sounds. Dean pushed his tongue in slowly, past the puckered hole and started moving, in and out. Once he had loosened up enough to where his tongue entered easily, he moved his tongue in circles, tracing the rim and flicking his tongue in and around, paying attention to every bit he could get at. Castiel had begun moving his hips so that he was fucking himself onto Dean’s tongue and he was reduced to a litany of moans and sighs and a string of Dean’s name repeated over and over.

“How do you want to do this, baby? You want to top, since it’s your first time?”

“No, I want to feel you inside me, Dean.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. The thought Cas, warm and wet and inviting, clenched around his cock was too much to argue with. “Ok, then just relax. I’ve got you.”

He reached for the bottle of lube and squirted a generous amount onto this fingers. He warmed it up a bit and then traced his finger over the now relaxed entrance. He circled it a few times in preparation and then slowly sank his index finger inside. Cas was loose enough from Dean’s tongue that this wasn’t much of a stretch, but he still wanted to give him time to adjust, so he gently worked his finger in and out, moving in circles, curling inside every now and then. Meanwhile, he kissed the insides of his thighs and sucked light bruises into them before making his way back to Cas’ pulsing cock. He took him back into his mouth and bobbed his head in sync with his fingers. He kept this up for a while before slowly adding another lubed finger. There was more of a stretch this time, so Dean kept up the movements of his fingers while he leaned up to kiss Cas’ parted lips.

Gradually he added more until he was four fingers in, sliding and scissoring. He managed to graze and push against that sensitive bundle of nerves on the inside a few times and he tried to memorize exactly where it was because nothing was better than the way Cas said his name, like a prayer. He had to admit, Cas had great stamina for lasting so long through all the stimulation. He knew for damn sure he didn’t last this long _his_ first time. Satisfied that he was ready, Dean ripped open a condom and rolled it onto his very ignored dick. He rubbed some more lube onto himself and then pushed at Castiel’s loosened hole. He slid inside with ease, but still moved slowly, allowing Cas to adjust to the feeling of fullness. Once he was all the way in, he moved his hips, still slowly, looking at his boyfriend’s face to make sure he was still ok.

“Dean. For the love of God, _move_.”

Dean laughed. “Bossy bottom, are we?”

Castiel snapped up suddenly so that he was still seated on Dean’s cock, but upright and straddling his lap and _holy hell it was hot_. He hungrily brought their lips together and experimentally bounced himself on his dick, moaning when his own cock rubbed against Dean’s stomach. His movements were inexperienced by still so good. Dean jerked and rolled his hips so that he met Cas on every thrust and they both broke the kiss to moan. Cas’ arms were wrapped around Dean’s neck and his fingers were carding through the soft short sandy tufts. Dean’s face was buried in Cas’ neck, licking at his throat, kissing his collar bones, rubbing his hands over Cas’ back. This was everything.

They kept up their movements, both feeling close to the edge. Cas looked down into Dean’s eyes and the corners of his lips tugged upwards. The blue in his eyes stood out clearly in the firelight and all Dean saw was love. It should have frightened him how much emotion was evident in his look, especially in that moment, but if anything it made Dean feel safe, powerful even. He was in love, and loved in return by an incredible man. He was currently balls deep in said man, so what more could he really want?

Cas threw his head back and arched his spine, pressing his chest into Dean as he rode out his completion. Seeing him like that, so beautiful, in an utter state of euphoria, Dean spilled into the condom and slowed his thrusts until he was completely spent. Softening inside him, Dean pressed their lips together. They kissed deeply, saying everything in it. They were both out of breath and smiling onto each other’s lips more than they kissed but it was just as good. Dean had never had better sex.

This was what he wanted. He wanted to wake up and snuggle and play with Cas and Ben. He wanted to have breakfast together. He wanted to watch TV with them. He wanted to read together. He wanted to come home every day, knowing he would get to be with the two of them. He wanted sex with Cas. He wanted everything.

“I love you, Castiel. My blue-eyed angel. I love you.” He had never been so verbally affectionate, but what the hell. There were lots of firsts with Cas, and he was sure that wasn’t where the firsts would stop. This was special. This was _it._ Or at least, he wanted it to be that way. He wasn’t sure where Cas stood on that whole thing, but he didn’t have the balls to bring it up. And in post-orgasmic haze, he was too blissed out to be too concerned. They cuddled like that for several minutes, panting, tracing patterns on each other’s shoulders and backs, catching their breaths. Dean finally made a move to get up. He threw away the condom and then turned off the music and they blew out all the candles before getting into bed together. The two men snuggled close, kissing until they both fell into a deep, sated sleep. This was what Dean wanted.


	17. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://68.media.tumblr.com/98d8c7e7f333196c368c1d93a1dfb092/tumblr_nhzt21SwAT1thi2zyo1_500.jpg  
> This might be my favorite picture of Misha Collins. If you haven't seen it already, you're welcome. If you have, then...you're also welcome. There is no such thing as seeing pictures of Misha too many times.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think!

For the next few months, their lives went on like this. Cas would stay with Ben during the day and work from Dean’s home while he was at work and they would spend entire weekends together. Occasionally one of their friends would babysit Ben so that the two of them could have date nights.

Ben’s second birthday passed and they all had a small celebration at Bobby and Ellen’s. Everyone spent Thanksgiving together but went their separate ways for Christmas. Sam and Sarah went to her parent’s house, Jimmy, Amelia and Claire went to see Amelia’s family, Gabriel spent the holiday with Kali, who he was now steadily seeing, and that left Dean, Cas, Ben, Charlie and Jo to have Christmas with Bobby and Ellen.

Dean and Castiel had fallen into a very happy domestic routine together, raising Ben, sharing meals, spending weekends and holidays together. Dean never thought buying milk and replacing toilet paper would bring him so much joy.

Months after the release of his now widely successful book, Castiel was scheduled to tour the cities with the highest sales across the nation, and meet the fans. It did disrupt the routine they had built together, but Dean was proud and eager for him to reap the rewards of his hard work.

Castiel spent the day before his tour officially started with Dean, and the two men had taken Ben to a petting zoo. Dean got a lot of candid pictures of his son riding a miniature pony with Cas by his side holding him steady, and Ben feeding different animals and Cas holding him so that the little boy could reach them. The special star of the event was a three-toed sloth named Rusty and Ben was so fascinated, recognizing the animal from the documentaries they watched together. A woman kindly took a couple pictures of the three of them with Rusty and when he scrolled through them, all he could think of was how much they resembled a family. He was so occupied with studying the pictures, he almost missed when the lady started talking to Castiel.

"Your little boy is so cute! How old is he?"

Instead of correcting the woman and without missing a beat, Cas answered her.

"Thank you. He turned two a couple months prior. He's been growing so fast, I can hardly believe it has been as long as it has."

"Oh honey, trust me, one minute you're changing diapers and giving baths, and the next, you're helping them pack for college, and then suddenly they've got babies of their own."

Dean listened to Cas and the woman exchange pleasant talk about children until she left to find her daughter and granddaughter. Never once did Cas refer to Ben as anything but his own. He had been a large part of their lives for several months now, but looking back he wouldn't be able to pinpoint when Cas started feeling like his son's...  _other dad?_ Sure, Ben stayed with Cas while Dean was at work, and the man stuck around for dinner often, and weekends together were a typical occurrence, but this realization was a shift in his perspective. 

_This is probably what Ellen was talking about when she said Bobby just fit in her life. But is Cas...would he even want to take the next step? Would I???_ _Would he take my last name, or is he a hyphenated kind of man? Or would he rather just keep Novak? Would Ben call him daddy, too? Because that would get confusing. Kiss is cute. Maybe pops? Or papa? Or da..ddio? Daddio? No, that's fucking weird._

They all collectively smelled like a barn and so the first thing they did was give Ben a bath and then lay him down in his crib for a nap. They then immediately got into the shower and made thorough work of getting rid of the smell of manure off one another.

Dean and Cas made dinner and woke Ben so that he could eat, but after an active day out, the child couldn't stay awake much longer after he finished eating. He fell asleep cuddled between the two men on the couch while they watched TV. It was a while before they moved him, Dean basking in the domesticity of it all. 

They made slow, gentle love that night, Dean trying to convey his thoughts through loving touches when his words failed him. 

They had finally made their way to bed and Cas didn't say anything when Dean assumed position of little spoon. Castiel laced their fingers together and brought their hands close to Dean's chest, wove their legs together and rested his face against the back of Dean's neck. 

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Are you still awake?"

Castiel chucked softly, his laughter gently rumbling against Dean's back in a way that made his heart swell. "No, I am speaking with you in a state of unconsciousness."

"Screw you," Dean grumbled, but couldn't help the smile.

"I believe I gave you the option to, but you seemed rather adamant that _I_ did the screwing tonight." 

Dean was glad his back was turned and the lights were off, otherwise Cas could see the blush creeping up his face.

"Cas?"

"Mhmm?"

"You know I love you, right?"

"Of course, Dean."

"And umm...you, uhh...you love me, too?"  _God, where the hell is this tween insecurity coming from?_

Castiel turned Dean so that they were facing each other. “If I have left any room for doubt in your mind regarding the magnitude of my feelings for you, either you have an incredibly thick skull, or I am the most miserable excuse of a boyfriend.”

There was a pause where Dean wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer, or just wait for Cas to continue.

Castiel kissed Dean’s forehead, then his eyes, his cheeks, his nose and finally his lips. “I love you, Dean. As I have told you before, I have always had trouble with having the secure sense of belonging, but what you have given me, with you and Ben, and with Sam and Sarah and everyone else, is the most important thing I’ve ever had. I thank whatever force brought us together because you are the most profound thing to ever happen to me. I love you, Dean Winchester. I love you more than anything.”

Dean pushed forward for another kiss because how else could he react after a declaration like that?

“So umm…I was thinking…maybe, if you don’t think it’s a bad idea, and I mean, we should definitely talk more about it, but you could maybe move in?”

There was a pause. Nothing was said, so Dean hastily tried to do damage control.

“I don’t mean to spring this on you right before you leave, but I just think it would make the most sense. You’re over here all the time anyway, and _Ben_ is really attached to you and would like it if you were here permanently and all but I mean, yeah we could talk more about it if you want.”

Castiel took in a breath as if to say something, but he was interrupted.

“And if you would rather, we could move into your place, like if you’re attached to it, I know you’ve only had it a couple months and whatnot. Or we could find a new place, if that’s what you’d rather do, but I mean it’s really all up to you and – ”

“Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“Have you given this enough thought, on your part I mean? This is a big step, and as enthused as I am over the prospects of cohabitation, I want you to make certain you are completely ready for all that it entails. You would spend more evenings watching documentaries instead of _Dr. Sexy M.D._ , you would potentially face more unannounced visits from Gabriel you would have to acclimate to a different routine than the one you have with Ben already, you would have to share dinner duties with me, which means you would be subject to eating whatever I decided to prepare that night regardless of how much you think you don’t like it. Dean, we would be sharing _everything_ , and that includes responsibilities of Ben. Would you be ready for that?”

“Cas, I would eat all the weird rambutan and watch every bee documentary and give Gabe a key if that’s what it took to show you I’m serious about this. About us. You’re it for me, man. This is what I want, if you’ll have it.”

Castiel responded with a kiss. “Then yes, once I’m back after the book tour, we will decide how we will move in together.”

 

 In the morning, with a hug and a kiss, Dean sent his boyfriend off for a month-long tour of the U.S., with the promise of their future ahead of them cemented in his mind.

 

Dean was sitting in his office, on a conference call with a client group, trying to keep his patience with their unreasonable demands and utter lack of knowledge. Military equipment was something that needed to be made and sold with great care and the idiots on the call seemed to think that weapons functioned in accordance with the laws of cartoons and animations. He liked to think he was a patient man, being a single dad to a young child, but whatever patience he had was wearing extremely thin.

The call finally ended with him compromising as far as he could with them. He was laying down on the couch Jimmy had the foresight of suggesting he kept in the office, when he heard his cell phone bleep indicating he had a message. He picked up the phone from his desk and resumed his position on the couch. The message was from Cas and there was a picture attached. It had been two days since he had left and already Dean missed him more than he would admit. They texted as often as they could and Cas would call at night, but it still sucked.

He looked at the time. 11:37. That meant that in L.A., where Cas was, it was 8:37.

_Cas Novak: Good morning Dean (:_

The picture was a selfie of his boyfriend standing in front of what seemed to be a small creek winding through a wooded area. The scenery was nice but _good Lord almighty_ it didn’t hold a candle to how beautiful and downright sexy Cas looked. His cheeks were flushed red – no doubt from running – his dark hair was windblown and looked as sexed up as ever, his light pink lips were parted and chapped – he had tried so many times to suggest lip balm to the man, but since that never worked, he was compelled to moisturize them with his own lips as often as possible – his Adam’s apple was exposed – Lord, how he longed to scrape his teeth over it – and his eyes were squinting into the camera as if he were confused, punctuating the crowfeet at the corner of his blue eyes. The man was sex on legs.

_Dean Winchester: Hey there handsome. Isn’t that my shirt?_

_Cas Novak: Yes, it is. I like this one._

_Dean Winchester: Is this the whole sharing thing you were talking about?_

_Cas Novak: Not necessarily. This shirt in particular is just one I like very much, and so I brought it with me to wear. Like a reminder of you._

_Dean Winchester: It’s the 21 st century babe. You’ve got plenty of pictures on your phone._

_Cas Novak: Call me sentimental, but I like the tangible quality of having one of your old shirts_

_Dean Winchester: Whatever, you sap_

_Cas Novak: Ah yes, coming from the man who lit up the entire living room with candles and put on a romantic set of songs to play during the first time we had sex._

_Dean Winchester: That’s just the standard when making love…_

_Cas Novak: “Making love”. You are more of a romantic than you take credit for_

_Dean Winchester: You bring it out in me_

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Dean Winchester: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Cas Novak: Claire calls it ‘spamming’. She said it helps better articulate a point one is trying to make_

_Dean Winchester: HAHAHAHAHAHA_

_Dean Winchester: I miss you…_

_Cas Novak: Sap._

_Dean Winchester: Oh my god, I take it back._

 

Towards the end of the month, Dean was having dinner with Sam and Sarah, and after the tenth time Dean responded to the bleeps from his phone, Sam got curious.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s just, you never text, at least not the way you currently are.”

“Oh, I mean it’s just Cas, he’s telling me about the city he’s in and how the tour is going.”

“Did something happen?”

“Not really, he’s just telling me about his day.”

“You’re texting him…about his _day_?” Sam and Sarah both looked incredulous.

“Umm…yeah? He’s my boyfriend and he’s been gone for almost three weeks and I miss him… I feel like those are normal grounds for people to text.”

“Yeah but Dean, you _never_ text, I swear we’ve already had this conversation.” Sam said.

“Cas must have worked some kind of magic on you, Dean. You’re a changed man!” Sarah gushed comically.

“Whatever, shut up.”

“No seriously! What else has he somehow gotten you to do? Are you running now? Do you go to church? Do you have a magazine subscription?” Sam joked.

“I hate you guys.”

“Ok, ok, all jokes aside, we’re really happy for you guys. You seem really happy.”

“Yeah and you seem good for each other.”

“Thanks. Actually, I’ve been meaning to tell you, but umm, we’ve decided to move in together!”

There was a delayed reaction and Dean feared the two would try and talk him out of it or warn him against it. Instead they broke out into bigger smiles and congratulated him, telling him they thought it was a great idea and that it would be great for all three of them. The litany of questions ensued over whose apartment they would live in, or whether or not they would find a different apartment or if they would look for a house and what they would do with extra furniture, and as much as Dean loves his brother and sister-in-law, he was eager to leave to get away from the interrogation. That was all logistics that he and Cas would figure out once he returned. He wasn’t too worried.

 

When Castiel returned, he and Dean had a week to figure out their situation before everyone else was in on it and very eager to help and voice their opinions. They all had dinner together at Jimmy’s home to welcome the author back, but also to try and put their two cents in on the matter. Cas and Dean ultimately decided that they would stay at Dean’s current apartment, but consider moving when Ben started school. Dean surprised himself when he said this bit out loud because it was as if he declared his intentions regarding his relationship with Castiel, to their whole family. This made their plans of staying together for the long run more concrete, rather than just pillow talk the two of them shared. It was overwhelming and comforting all at the same time. He looked at his boyfriend, who was now holding his hand under the table, and they shared a private smile.

_We’re really going to do this. We_ are _doing this._

 

That night, after putting Ben to bed, they snuggled on the couch in front of the TV. Castiel was tracing patterns over Dean’s chest and would every so often plant a soft kiss into his hair. After facing the onslaught of questions, comments and concerns of their family, unwinding like this was relaxing…until it wasn’t. Castiel’s hands travelled lower and lower, slow enough to disguise his intentions but not enough to where Dean wasn’t interested.

Cas licked over the outer shell of Dean’s ear and gently nibbled the cartilage while his hands made their way torturously slow towards their target. Dean couldn’t suppress his growing erection, and apparently nor could his boyfriend. He could feel a growing hardness against the cleft of his ass when Cas was settled on the couch behind him. He smirked but didn’t do anything, eager to see where this went.

Over the thin fabric of Dean’s pajama pants, Cas dragged his fingers over the prominent outlines of his cock while his other hand crawled under Dean’s shirt and made its way to his nipples, giving soft pinches and flicks. He had his full attention now, evident by the clear strain of his dick against the front of his pants. Castiel skillfully rolled out from under Dean and hooked his leg over his hip to straddle him. With one hand on the back of Dean’s neck, he brought their faces together for a deep kiss. While that hand rubbed circles, and carded through his hair, the other hand palmed Dean’s dick, still staying over his clothes.

They broke the kiss so that Cas could remove both their shirts, and then he positioned Dean so that he was laying down, and he made his way downward. He laced their fingers and held them up by Dean’s head while he licked around the elastic of his pajamas. With his teeth, he pulled them down just enough to reveal the light brown hair that lead down to his cock, but he stopped there and swirled his tongue over the area, sucking at the vee at his groin, leaving bruises and bite marks at his hips.

Still only using his teeth, he pulled the pajama pants down and then moved lower only to nuzzle at his cock and mouth at it through his boxers. The anticipation mixed with his hot breath made Dean jolt his hips a little, but Cas kept control. Mercifully, he pulled his boxers out of the way, letting his erection spring free, standing proudly at attention. Cas took him in his mouth and sucked over the head, taking more and more until Dean’s member hit the back of his throat. He kept swiping his tongue along the vein of the shaft, maintaining a steady suction and never letting go of Dean’s hands.

Dean wanted to reach up and touch Cas when he finally released his hands, but his boyfriend had other plans. He flipped him over so that he was now lying face down and then propped up his knees so that his ass was in the air presented beautifully at Castiel’s mercy. Without warning he plunged his tongue past Dean’s entrance and buried his face between the smooth perfect globes of his ass. The stubble provided an amazing friction and he could feel the hard outlines of his jaw move against his rim, his strong chin rubbing against the underside of his balls. Castiel licked and sucked at the ring of muscle with such enthusiasm and rigor, Dean forgot his own name, seemingly only able to pant and encourage the man on.

Two fingers were pushed into his mouth and he sucked greedily, eager for something to do. Distracted by the digits he was salivating over, the two fingers that joined Cas’ tongue in his ass surprised him, but he kept up his attention on what Cas wanted him to do. Even with the addition of his fingers, Castiel’s movements never faltered, and he found Dean’s prostate with ease, as if he had Dean memorized, inside and out.

“Cas, please…please…God _yes please_.”

“Don’t move.” Castiel growled softly into his ear and suddenly all stimulation ceased, leaving Dean a panting, boneless mess. He didn’t think _lack_ of feeling could be overwhelming, but in those few seconds without Cas, he felt it. It was cold and strange and uncomfortable. When he returned, and draped his naked body over Dean’s, it was like the sun coming out after a long winter. He didn’t know if it was purely a physical sensation or if it had to do with the emotional bond between the two of them. Whatever it was, he didn’t ever want to be without it.

As if sensing the inner distress, Castiel covered every inch of Dean’s exposed skin with his own, kissing wherever he could reach, rubbing up and down his arms, whispering his love into his ear. He pulled back slightly and Dean could feel him adjust himself so that he was prepared to enter Dean. Inch by inch, he brought their bodies back together and then rolled his hips into Dean’s ass. Their balls slapped together and Cas’ rhythm never let up. In his deep baritone, he whispered praise against the back of Dean’s neck.

“Feel so good Dean.”

“Always so good for me, Dean.”

“I love you so much, Dean.”

 “You are mine, Dean. As I am yours.”

“Dean…Dean…Dean.”

When he came, it was sudden, as if he was so taken in by everything Cas was making him feel, that the feeling of his own approaching climax was overshadowed. He came in long spurts without Cas ever laying a hand on his dick. It was like a dam had been taken down and now that it was taken away, it couldn’t be put back up. That was what this was with Castiel. They were in love and now that he knew what it was like to love and be loved in every possible way, he couldn’t go back. There was no way he could go back to how he was before this man with blue eyes that could be as stormy as an ocean and as bright as a summer sky walked into his life. There was no question. This was the man he would raise Ben with. This was the one he would share his life with. This was the man he would grow old with. This was the one.

Just as they were both drifting off to sleep, sated, comfortable and utterly blissed out, Dean whispered, “Marry me, Castiel.” He was sure his boyfriend was asleep, but he just needed to say the words aloud.

“Yes.”

He didn’t know if he imagined it, but he was too sleepy to check, so he let himself fall into a deep rest, content to inquire about it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure if this counts as a cliffhanger or not, so if it is...I'm sorry I love you please don't be mad, there's more insufferably lovey dovey Destiel to come.  
> Either way, I hope you liked this chapter, and let me know if you think I'm being a too indulgent with the fluff because Chuck knows domestic fluff is my kink.  
> *showers all my readers in hugs and glitter and silly string*


	18. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter before the holidays! Really hope you guys enjoy!

"Cas, babe, where is Ben's bow tie? It's not where I left it!"

"It's not where you left it because it would have gotten lost had I let it remain there. I put it with the rest of your ties in your closet."

"Could you bring it to me please? I'm trying to button his shirt but he's not staying still."

Castiel walked in and crouched down beside the father and son and fastened together the clip on bow tie under Ben's collar.

"Daddy, I'm tirsteee! Can I has choco mik pease?"

"Sure buddy, daddy will get you some chocolate milk if you sit still so I can get you dressed. Today is a very, very important day and we can't be late. So just let me get you ready and that milk is yours!"

" _Choco_ mik daddy?"

"Yeah buddy, chocolate milk. Hey, babe?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Could you bring Ben a chocolate milk, please?"

A minute later Cas entered their bedroom with a small bottle of chocolate milk with a straw through the foil covering the mouth.

"Tank you Kiss!"

"You're very welcome, Ben." He turned on his heel to leave, huffing about Dean not doing anything for himself.

"Kiss!"

He stopped at the doorway and turned around.

"We loves you, Kiss!"

He couldn't help but smile at the half-dressed (top half) Dean who was donning his best puppy dog eyes and dimpled pouty smile, and the smiling three year old who was now fully dressed in his small, toddler sized tux, milk bottle in hand. He heaved out a breath of air and walked back to gather Ben into his arms and give Dean a soft kiss on the lips. "I love you, too, dear one. And I love your ridiculous daddy, as well."

"You OK, Cas?"

"Yes, I'm fine, my love. Thank you. It is just nerves."

"Not getting cold feet are you?"

"No, no. It is just a big day. The fact that you talked me into wearing this white tuxedo jacket instead of a black one doesn't help. I feel ridiculous." He was dressed in a well tailored, fitted tuxedo, with black bottoms and a white jacket with black lapels. The jacket had pale blue seams that were only noticeable up close, but Dean insisted on including the detail nonetheless. His pocket square was a length of black, white, and light blue silk that Dean again insisted, brought out his eyes, and he had a large safety pin fastened next to it on his lapel. His black bow tie was knotted around his neck haphazardly, despite his best efforts.

"Oh, c'mere. Grown man can't even tie a tie." Dean pulled him close and undid his sad attempts at the knot and then patiently - and fondly - redid it, correctly.

"Thank you. Now please finish getting ready. We can't be late and draw attention to ourselves with a late entry into the room."

As he buttoned his shirt and put on the rest of his clothes Dean eyed the man adoringly. "Babe, you're the center of attention today. All eyes are gonna be on you eventually anyway, and you look absolutely amazing. And I'll be right there at the end of your walk when that happens, so I promise everything will be fine. This is a special day."

"Thank you, Dean." Cas sighed.

"Oh, and don't forget the cufflinks Charlie bought you! She'd be livid if you weren't wearing them." The redhead had bought Castiel a pair of silver Star Trek federation insignia cufflinks, and Dean a pair of Millennium Falcon cufflinks because she insisted that from the first time she saw them together at Claire's birthday party, when Cas was Spock and Dean was Han Solo, she knew they would end up together. She wasn't wrong, and she and Jo enjoyed bringing up their awkward pre-relationship encounters often.

 

Dean was helping Ben, who was now increasingly trying to do everything on his own in his very independent three year old mind, buckle into his car seat, as Cas settled into the passenger seat with a carrier bag full of things they'd need for Ben through the upcoming busy hours.

"Got everything? Snacks, books, paper, crayons, the works?"

"Yes, Dean, I made a list and checked it twice."

"Alright then, Santa." Dean chuckled.

"Santa...?" Cas' head was tilted in his trademark confusion, which Dean found, a year and a half later, still utterly adorable.

"Yeah, like the song, you know? He's making a list, he's checking twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty, who's nice. Santa Claus is coming to town!"

"Ah. Your comparison to a rotund, jovial elderly man who sneaks into peoples homes is not assisting in my hesitance regarding my appearance."

"Oh for God's sake," he slid across the bench seat of the Impala to crowd into Castiel's space. He brought their lips within a centimeter of each other and cradled the man's clean shaven face in his hands. "You look so sexy right now. I mean it. If I could right at this moment, I'd unzip those sexy pants and push them just barely to mid thigh, straddle your lap, and then ride your big cock into next Christmas.  _That_ is how sexy you look in that tux," he whispered in a low growl. The dilated pupils in the deep blue irises told him he accomplished the effect he was going for, and somewhat turned on himself, he slid back across the seat to the driver side and buckled in. "Now buckle up, huggy bear, we've got somewhere super important and awesome to be."

 

"Alright, we've all said enough, how about we get the man of the hour, the one we're all here to see, to do the talking we actually want to listen to. It's with great pride and pleasure that I present, my wonderful partner, Castiel Novak to the stage." 

The auditorium filled with applause as Dean finished speaking and stepped away from the mic to let Cas start walking towards him and address the audience. As he approached, they held each other's gaze and shared a smile, that although was being witnessed by over a hundred people, was private and just for the two of them. Illuminated in the spotlight that followed him, Castiel could only be described as beautiful. Dean knew he made the right call with the black-white ensemble and mentally high fived himself.

When Cas climbed the steps and reached the mic, he kissed Dean on the cheek softly and whispered his thanks into his ear, before letting him walk off and resume his seat next to Ben who was valiantly attempting to stay quiet with his excitement over seeing his Kiss on stage. The rest of their family was there, too smiling with unmasked pride.

"Thank you, Dean for that sweetly exaggerated introduction," he paused while everyone 'aww'ed and laughed. "Thank you to everyone before him for your kind and generous words, and thank you all so much for being here to share in this great honor." He removed the mic from the podium and slowly made his way around the stage as he continued to speak, having always been a dynamic speaker. Dean noticed this before at other events they had been to, but Cas had this charming manner of holding the mic with both hands as he spoke. He captured his audiences with his movements and the small gestures he made with his body and the way he moved around to look at every part of the audience as if to try and address everyone individually.

Once he was done speaking, the mayor of the city thanked him and wished everyone a lovely evening and announced that dinner would be served and everyone was encouraged to get to know one another. 

"Cas you did amazing, dude!" Congratulated Sam.

"As always!" Sarah chimed in.

"Hey you remembered to wear our presents!" Charlie exclaimed. 

"Cas, Dean you guys were both great, we're so proud!" Jo smiled.

Claire, who was seated on the other side of him, gave Cas their 'secret' handshake and told him, presumably, how awesome he did, in German. In their spare time, Cas was teaching her German, the first of many languages she demanded he teach her, so she practiced as often as she could, which meant she exclusively communicated with him in German, to the best of her current abilities. 

It wasn't long after Castiel had put his fork down that a reporter and a camera man approached him.

"Hello Mr. Novak, so sorry to intrude, could we have a moment of your time please?"

Cas stood up.from his table and smiled. "Of course,"

"Thank you so much. My name is Johanna Watson, I'm a writer for the _Times_ and also an independent blogger. I was wondering if I could do a piece for both publications?"

"The honor would be mine, Ms. Watson."

"Please, call me Johanna. So you're being honored in recognition of your novel, _Buried in the Sand_ , being the year's most influential and relevant book regarding cultural awareness and tolerance, and on top of that, for using the platform of the fame your book has achieved to spread a message of love. What are your thoughts on that?"

 

"Well first of all, it is an unimaginable honor to be recognized in the presence of such amazing, wonderful people, present company included," Dean noted how the young woman blushed at the comment. As Cas continued to speak about his novel, he basked in the beauty the man radiated, that had nothing to do with the sexy white tux jacket of sex. It had everything to do with the sincerity in his voice, the thoughtfulness behind each spoken word, the attention he paid to every person he spoke to, as if to punctuate that everyone was truly significant to him. He was the epitome of what it meant to be good and Dean sent up a prayer to whatever being or deity had their ears on, for not only having people like Cas around to give others hope of making the world better, but of bringing the two of them together. Not only was he a blessing to him individually, but he was proving to be an amazing second dad to Ben, teaching him to be brilliant and good just like him. He had no doubt Lisa couldn't be happier with the man he had chosen to help raise him. 

"Now, moving on to the detail that I'm sure will be dominating my Tumblr dashboard by the end of the night and well into the next few days, the safety pin on your lapel. What's the story behind it?"

"Like I said, I believe that love is the greatest thing we can share as human beings. This year has been a particularly difficult one for many people not only in our country but worldwide and there has been an unacceptable sentiment of hate and intolerance that has festered. I want to add to the momentum of the movement to spread love instead of that. I want to communicate to the individuals that have felt attacked and singled out as targets for negativity, that there are people with whom they are safe and loved. This safety pin means that whoever you are, however you identify, whatever your background, I will speak out for you, I will shut up and listen to you, I will stand up for you, I will sit down for you. I will do whatever it is you need me to do to let you know that you matter and you have friends in this conflicted world, and we will come out on top together, as a collective family built on love and acceptance. That is what this means."

 The table and surrounding tables had lulled into a quiet attentiveness to Castiel when he really got into his answer. There was a silent reverie at his moving and inspiring declaration. Dean couldn't have been more proud or more in love. As a same sex couple, they had gotten a few rare hateful comments thrown their way over the past year. It always astounded Cas that anyone could think to be so hurtful and he always responded with the utmost grace and respect which was more than what Dean could boast. Cas was always a do-gooder and this was no different. As soon as he had any sort of recognition, he used it to help other people who were under any and all sorts of difficulty. He was loved by all and honestly, he couldn't blame the reporter for looking like she was absolutely in love with the man. He knew the feeling.

"Finally, one last thing. My readers would draw and quarter me if I didn't ask, but your partner, Mr. Winchester made your introduction today. You've been together for at least a year now and we all notice the lack of a certain type of jewelry. Any news on when you'll be making it official?"

Dean turned beet red and everyone at the table snickered. A year ago, in a post coital, hazy bliss he popped the big question, to which Cas said yes. In typical Dean fashion, he freaked out the next morning and ignored it until he thought it was long forgotten. Then, four months later, Sarah asked him about it, telling him that Cas had communicated his confusion over the formalities of marriage and the nitty gritty about how it was made official and whether there were steps to take to legally change his last name. Dean of course, was mortified, and tried to squash the issue with his well a intentioned sister-in-law, who told everyone Dean asked Cas to marry him, then did nothing in terms of follow up. Cas gave him two months of blessed silence on the issue after the incident, until he brought it up himself. Dean, again gracelessly, stumbled over gibberish explanations of needing time and how the institution of marriage was stupid and just for tax benefits. He managed to unwittingly hurt Cas' feelings through his stuttering and grumbling, but rectified the situation later with more coherent thoughts and an extremely romantic night together the following weekend. Nothing had been said since. Needless to say, the reporter put him in a rut.

Castiel smiled, accentuating the crowfeet and smile lines around his mouth that Dean loved and took so much time to memorize. "My partner and I are exceedingly happy together where we are in our relationship. We have a lovely family we share our lives with and feel no need to rush into something that will only serve to put a label to something we already have. We know we're in love, we have all the time in the world for formalities."

_Dammit. Wow there was no way anyone in the goddamn universe could've said that better. I just...geez he's amazing. I will have Sam saw all my toes off if I manage to screw this up._

"Wow that's beautiful! Now, could I get a picture of you for the article? And a selfie for well, I won't lie, memories of meeting a personal hero?"

His smile was blinding. "Of course, Johanna." She took out her phone and he bent his knees to accommodate their height disparity for the selfie and then smiled for the individual photograph.

"Also, could I get one more of the two of you, together? You're the absolutely most beautiful perfect couple in the world, and I must say, I'm so in love with your love!" The young woman looked imploringly between the two men who both traded a look. 

"Yeah, sure why not?"  _Anything for Castiel._

They stood together, arms around each other's waists, smiling for the cameraman. The reporter thanked them both, especially Cas, profusely for their time and the work he had been doing. She wished them a lovely evening and said to look out for her article.

 

The rest of the evening went similarly, as numerous people, reporters other authors, civil leaders, activists, and fans approached Castiel to have a bit of his valuable time. There were many women and men who clearly admired him beyond the role model way and although Dean had a smidge of jealousy arise whenever a gesture of warmth was exchanged, he was assured by the knowledge that this perfect human was going home with him, not anyone else. He was going home with him and their amazing adorable son. He mentally gave himself another high five for scoring such an amazing human being. 

 

When they returned him that night, they quietly put an already sleeping Ben to bed, in his own room which they decided he was old enough to have five months ago. The couple then went to their own bedroom, and as promised, Dean rode Castiel into completion, fully dressed with their pants pushed down as low as necessary. They stripped down and got ready for bed afterwards, both tired after the big day.

"Hey babe?" Dean asked sleepily once they were cuddled together under the sheets.

"Yes, Dean?"

"You were amazing tonight."

"Thank you, as were you. I really appreciate all your and everyone's support."

"Hey Cas?"

"Yes, my love"'

"Half the people who came to talk to you wanna bone you. Funny huh?"

"Go to sleep, you charming, ridiculous man."

"Okay, but that doesn't change the fact that they wanted in your pants, Mr. Novak."

They laughed together quietly and when they stilled, Dean sincerely expressed his pride and then endeavored to ask about experience writing the book. He had tried to talk about Illaha and everything he went through before returning to the city, but each time Cas would insist they not talk about it. After reading the novel several times, and having brief referrals to it, Dean had pieced together vaguely what had actually happened and wanted to help in bearing the load of what actually, fully happened, but Cas wasn't ready to share. Which he was mostly fine with, understanding the need to internalize, but he wanted to share the load. This night was no different. Cas kissed him gently, acknowledging and appreciating his concern but telling him there would come a time when he felt better about talking about it. Dean agreed to wait. He loved the man and he knew he had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm sure you can tell, I admire Misha's work he has done in efforts to be a champion of inclusiveness and acceptance, so this chapter kinda goes out to him. *Three cheers for Misha*  
> I love you all so much, thanks for reading, thank you for all the feedback and comments so far, it is so encouraging and helpful. *kisses*


	19. Chapter 15

"Cas!"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Cas!"

"Yes, what is it?"

_"Castiel!"_

Frazzled and shocked at his tone, the writer hurried into the kitchen, where Dean was standing over the open fridge, holding a jug of milk.

"What is it? I was working on a chapter, Dean."

"How many times do I have to ask you to buy groceries when we're out? If you used all but this last sip of milk, you should've bought more or put it on the list. And there's like nothing in here! You should've just finished instead of putting an empty jug in the fridge!"

Cas stared at him, trying to maintain his temper but Dean waved the sloshing jug at him, as if challenging his level headedness.

"You're quite right, my love. I know all those things. I'm not a child to constantly be reminded of our house rules, which is why -"

"If you don't need to be reminded of _my_ house rules, why am I literally always asking you to pick up your damned trench coat off the couch or not leave your books everywhere or put the honey back in the pantry?" His tone was getting dangerously close to yelling, testing his victim's patience.

"Dean you know very well that those situations have happened very rarely and that I'm quick to adhere to your desire for tidiness. Also, _your rules_ imply that this is your home alone and not one we share. But -"

"No man I'm always the one cleaning, keeping this place together. I do the shopping and laundry and dishes and cooking and you... You don't share the load Cas! That's what you said when you moved in! That we'd share in this crap and you've done squat!"

"Dean, if you'd just let me -"

"Let you what? You're not sweet talking your way out of this, and stop looking at me with your Smitey McSmiterson look! Two years we've been together! You'd think maybe you'd finally start acting like you've got other people in your damn life!"

"Dean! Stop! I didn't -"

"Daddy?"

Ben was standing timidly half behind the kitchen island with his worn out moose stuffy in his hands held to his face. The little boy looked frightened but mostly sad. Dean and Cas tried - and mostly succeeded - to not fight around him. It was rare that their arguments would get to the point of being considered fights, but all the same, they tried to maintain a healthy home for the child.

"Yeah, Benny, what's up?"

He walked over slowly to Dean and looked between the two of them.

"Daddy I'm sorry."

"What? Why? What happened, bud?"

"Daddy don't be mad? I... I spilled a little milk and then I didn't want you to be mad. And I cleaned up with tissues because you always tell Kiss to not cry when he spills milk so I just cleaned. Don't be mad peease? And don't yell at Kiss."

Dean's heart broke and he kneeled down to put a reassuring arm around his son. "Oh, Benny, it's OK buddy, I'm not mad I promise! Just tell me next time you spill something, OK? I'm not mad."

"OK I'm sorry." He looked up at Castiel and held out his free hand. Cas took it and approached the little boy. "Sorry that daddy yelled at you 'cause of me, Kiss."

"Don't worry about it, dear one. It happens. It was a misunderstanding, that's all."

"Are you gonna stop fighting 'cause of me, daddy?"

 _Shit._ " It's not your fault buddy, just tell me next time, that's all I ask. Can you do that?"

Ben nodded against his chest and reached around to hug them both.

"By the way, it's 'don't cry over spilled milk', just for future reference."

Ben huffed and looked at him with that four-years-old-going-on-twenty look. "Daddy that's what I said!" With that, he bounded off back into the living room, leaving the couple to hash it out in the kitchen.

"Look, man, I'm sorry." Dean rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I should've given you the chance to tell me you hadn't done it."

Cas raised his eyebrow.

Dean looked at the ground, unable to meet those blue eyes that had looked so hurt moments ago. "And even if you had, I shouldn't 'cry over spilled milk'. I can't be yelling at you over crap and I'm sorry."

Castiel raised Dean by his chin and cupped his face between his palms. Green eyes darted down, unable to meet blue.

"Dean, look at me."

Reluctantly he obliged but his gaze wavered. He knew his words were uncalled for and he had no right to raise a fuss over such a small matter, but they came out tumbling either way. He knew his implications had hurt Cas, and that's the part that sucked. He knew that, and that's why he said it. He wanted to hurt him.

 "What's on your mind, Dean?"

"I just shouldn't have said all those things, that was really shitty of me. I understand if you want to withhold sex for my atonement." He tried to go for levity but as always Cas saw through him and quinted his eyes.

"No Dean I feel that something else is the matter. Some of what you said implied some underlying issue. That may also explain your irrate behavior the past few days."

It was true. Since last Sunday, Dean had held himself at arm's length and had been easily irked. He didn't think he had been so obvious, but then again, this was Cas he was talking about. He read him like a book.

At his silence Cas sighed and laced their fingers together, tugging him towards their bedroom. He guided him to the bed. "Sit down. Wait here." He then disappeared briefly before returning and locking the door behind him. "Ben has agreed to not disturb us until we come out, in return for Clone Wars and chocolate ice cream."

Dean couldn't help the huffed chuckle that escaped him. "You bribed our kid with ice cream and a movie so we can get freaky? I'm a bad influence on you."

"Whatever you wish to call this time is up to you, but yes, I have won us some time to ourselves." Since it was Saturday afternoon and they had no plans to go anywhere, they were both in flannel pajama pants and t shirts.

Cas stood over where Dean was sitting on the edge of their bed and raked his fingers softly through Dean's hair, trailing the other hand down his neck and arms. Dean sighed at the calming sensation. He was still wound up about the episode in the kitchen but his boyfriend knew exactly how to calm him. "Dean, what has been on your mind, beloved?"

Dean liked to tease Cas about his use of 'weird, fancy' terms of endearment, but in all honesty he loved it. It was special, sincere, and so Cas. He loved this man so much, and now, in glow of his care, he felt small, unfair and ridiculous.

"Babe, it's nothing." He mumbled.

Cas knelt between his legs with one hand resting still on the back of Dean's neck and the other now rubbed circles on his knee. "Please talk to me, Dean. I can't help if I don't know what is on your precious mind."

 _Psh, precious. Petty is more like it._  

When he got no answer, he swiftly cradled Dean in his arms and stood up so that he was holding him bridal style. He gave him a quick kiss on the nose, and just as swiftly, laid him down gently so that he was propped up on the pillows. He then straddled him and placed another kiss on his forehead before removing his own shirt. "Will you talk to me, dear one?"

No answer, only downward glances, reflecting shame.

Cas chastely pressed their lips together in a soft kiss and ran his fingers along the hem of Dean's shirt. "May I remove this, my love?" Dean nodded. He was definitely appreciating the progression of events, but he was in too bad of a headspace to really let himself enjoy it all. 

Their bare chests were together in close heat and Castiel lifted up a little bit and maneuvered so that he could wrap his legs around his boyfriend's waist. He looped his arms under Dean's underarms and splayed his hands across his shoulders, bringing them closer together. He slotted their lips together and exchanged a long deep kiss. "Please, Dean. What's wrong?" Kiss. "Have I done something wrong?" Kiss. "Has something happened to upset you?" Kiss. "Are you unhappy with me?" Kiss. Castiel's eyes swam with sincerity and concern and clear sadness. He tilted his head to the side and searched Dean's face and then as if epiphany struck, he looked down, then slowly up, with his brows knitted together. His hands found their way under Dean's jawline, stroking the underside of his neck with one thumb and his cheekbone with the other. "Are you... Are you unhappy with... Are you no longer happy being with me? With our relationship?" His voice broke and so did Dean.

 _"No no no, Cas, no! God, no!_ I love you, angel! We've made a family, the three of us. Hell, we're looking at houses together, Cas! I couldn't be without you, and you know it."

A visible relief washed through his blue irises and he rested their foreheads together, holding hands. Kiss. 

"Then tell me."

"I'm just being stupid."

"Nothing you feel is stupid to me, Dean."

Dean knew this was true. At first it was overwhelming, how Cas had made every little thought he had feel so significant, how he had made Dean feel so wanted. He still had his insecurities, sure. But Cas had really helped ease them. So instead of an answer, he just shook his head.

"You're the one who was speaking of sharing, my love."

"Cas, babe, really I promise it's stupid."

"Regardless, please tell me. Whatever it is has clearly been plaguing you this whole week. I want to make the father of my child happy."

Dammit. Whenever he referred to Ben as his own, Cas undid him, and he knew it.

"Remember last Sunday when we were all having dinner at Gabe's? And Kali asked you about the first book you published?"

Cas nodded, encouraging him to go on.

"And she mentioned seeing a lot of noise on social media from fans about a sequel because it felt incomplete? And all the stuff about the questions about the inspiration and Illaha and all that?"

Castile nodded very slowly, hesitantly, as if he now knew where this was going.

"And like always you dogded the questions about her? Well that night you got really sad when we got home, and I woke up to find you curled up on the floor with dried up tears on your face. And you let me get you into the shower and clean you up, but you kept telling me you would eventually tell me about it. But it's been two years now, Cas. Almost three years since you've been back, two years that we've been together, and the whole time you've bottled up something that clearly still hurts. I just... I don't know. I wish you'd tell me about it. It sucks being kept out of something that's clearly really affected you."

"First of all, Dean, beloved, not to deflect, but you've mimicked this behavior in regards to Lisa," Cas almost whispered in response.

Dean looked at him incredulously, but Cas put up his hand to indicate that he would speak. 

"I will tell you though, if it has caused you so much distress. Are you prepared to listen?"

Dean squeezed his hand a little and nodded.

"Roughly six years ago, I found myself wandering around the northern Afghan terrains, extremely far from any big city. I had nothing but my bicycle, camera, books and journals, and a bag of what few clothes I had and the trinkets I had bought around the world. As luck would have it, I managed to tear one of my tires on accident and so I was wandering with a map and a compass, dragging my things along. I finally came across a source of water, and knowing that where there is water, there are people, I followed the water up and through a mountainside and stumbled upon a herd of goats. I inadvertently offended a large male goat and was being threatened when an amused little girl came to my helpless rescue. It was pure luck that she and a few of the other members of her village spoke Farsi, despite being in a predominantly Pashto speaking region, since I only spoke the former. They were the most hospitable, warm people I had ever met at that point in my life. I was a stranger, they had no obligation to me, no connection to me whatsoever, I didn't even speak the same language as most of them, but I was welcomed into the village to eat and rest and they repaired my tire. When I asked to stay a while longer, they didn't even hesitate. That little girl's family offered me their only cot to sleep on and days turned into weeks turned into months and before I knew it, I was living as part of their community. I truly fell in love with them. Especially that little girl who called me her brother. Illaha was... She was a beautiful little angel, the kindest, most inquisitive, most head strong little fairy of a child." He paused to while a tear from the corner of his eye. "I loved her like my own. I've told you this so many times, but prior to her and prior to you, I had been something of an outsider most of my life. Always foreign in some way that for one reason or another prevented others from feeling a kin to me. And so at her request, I stayed there. It was a life of hard work, certainly, but it was simple and I felt as though I had a family. She taught me to herd goats, make all kinds of food, showed me breathtaking views and we shared stories of every kind. She was a better story teller than me, she had such a way with words. She liked unconventional love stories best. She liked to take fairy tales and folk tales and flip them upside down and make the heroine and the dragon fall in love, driving away the prince who wanted to kill it. Illaha was my family. And then one day a group of militants came who had caught wind of an American being in the village. They wanted me, for ransom money. I was with Illaha's father looking for some of the goat which had somehow strayed and so they took her instead." Castiel choked and closed his eyes, letting the tears flow freely. He took a few breaths to steady his voice, and then continued. 

"She had just hit around the age of thirteen and even with all her gentleness, she was always bold and brave and she loved me and she told them to leave them alone lest they answer to God for troubling innocent people. Apparently she put up quite a show, a small girl threatening men with guns, envoking Divine wrath upon them for wishing them - for wishing me - harm. So," he choked on his breath again, trembling slightly. "So they took her. The fuckers...god forsaken demons didn't even tell anyone where to come bring me in exchange for her. I... I looked everywhere. I searched for miles in every direction. I spent every ounce of energy trying to find her, Dean." He buried his face in the nook of Dean's neck and clung to him, tears marking his face. "I couldn't find her. No one new where to look but I looked anyway. I... I did everything I could. Until one day, I passed out of exhaustion and mal nutrition in the middle of the desert. Her father found me and dragged me back, half dead, to their home and a day later, her body was discovered just outside the village, wrapped in a shroud. She wasn't even dead. She was breathing, but just barely. The bastards, damn them, Dean. They... They had broken her body, Dean, they had... They raped the angel and beaten her and then left her for dead. I was swearing revenge, begging any god that could be listening to take my life in her stead. I never felt so helpless. As she lay dying in my arms, she made me promise to pursue love instead of death. She told me to find my dragon and protect it from all the knights of the world. And she told her parents and me to be happy, that it was as God willed it, and she wouldn't be able to be at peace if we were unhappy. That's what she said in her dying breath Dean. She told me to be happy."

Dean had Cas close to his chest, trying to comfort him, but he himself had tears escaping his eyes. 

"I fell ill after she died, and then stayed in the village for a few months before returning here. It is a tortured memory, Dean. And then I came here and found that I had a family here as well. I met you, and Ben and Claire and Sam and Ellen and Charlie and you helped me heal. I fell in love with you, with her blessing in mind, and rebuilt myself with you, here, with our family, you, Ben and me. I grieve her, Dean. She was snatched from life cruelly. But I've learned to live happily, and you've made that possible, my love. You and Ben."

They cried in each others arms for immeasurable time, steadying their breaths, grounding one another with gentle touches and soft kisses wherever they could reach. 

"This is why I never talk about it. It is painful to remember the details. We never found the ones responsible, and I will die, never knowing if they are served justice, but I have you, here, with me, and I know she would've wanted it this way anyway. But... Now you know. I wrote that first novel in memory of her, to immortalize want she gave me. I know you had a few questions when you read it, trying to piece the events of the book with my personal stories, and I apologize if I ever caused you unhappiness. Hopefully I have righted any wrongs I have done by you."

"What did she look like?" Dean whispered.

"More beautiful than the description in the novel could've done justice. If the sun and moon could be wrung of essence, she would be the result. She was dancing starlight in the flesh, Dean. You two would've loved each other immensely."

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Castiel. I know it was hard, but now I can try and better understand you." He cupped his face and kissed him deeply, passionately but without the heat of sexual desire. "I love you, Castiel. We're a family and Ben loves you like crazy, just like everyone else. You're our Kiss."

"I love you, Dean. Thank you."

They adjusted their position so that they were laying in bed, cuddling, entwined, listening to each other's evening breaths, playing with each other's hands. After some time, there was a knock at the door.

"Kiss? Can I come in now pease? I finished my choco ice cream!"

The two men smiled at each other and kissed softly once, the put their shirts on and let the bouncing four year old run and jump onto the bed, eager to discuss the adventures of Ahsoka Tano and the other Jedi.

The rest of the day the three of them spent eating and playing whatever games Ben could think up and finally cuddling all together in bed. All throughout, Dean's mind was preoccupied with Cas. 

_We're buying a goddamm house together. We've been raising a kid together. I need to grow a fucking pair and make it official already. He's it for me, and I'd hate if he felt like he wasn't family enough. God knows he's Ben's dad as much as I am. But I need to ask him for real this time. Not in bed after sex. Although there should be some sex for sure. But not during the proposal. Definitely sex after. Maybe also before... Alright hold on cowboy, first figure out how you're going to ask him to marry you, then you can dream up whatever new positions you haven't tried. But. First things first. I wonder if there's a Proposal for Dummies manual..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a sad chapter to write for me, I got in a really emotional headspace while typing this out, as I had to draw on some personal emotion, so I really hope you enjoyed reading it.   
> Thank you for sharing in the journey so far, and Happy Holidays to everyone. I wish a generally good feeling to everyone in the coming weeks (:


	20. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I hope you're enjoying the holiday season!(:  
> I'm not sure how many more chapters, but just know that I have the rest of the story outlined *in my mind* so we're going to come to an end soon. In the mean time, I hope you like this chapter!

Dean was slouched in his large office chair, propping his chin on his left hand which was resting on his desktop. He let out a bored sigh. It was an extremely uncommonly uneventful day at the office. He had no meetings, no conference calls, no clients to deal with, nothing from the CEO type big wigs to answer to. He just had a few designs to look over, some production reports to update and other than that, he had nothing for the day. Which was why he was currently scrolling through house listings. As much as he loved his current apartment, living in the suburbs would be much much better for Ben when he officially started school. Yes, his commute to work would be longer, but it wasn't a big deal if it meant his son's school was in walking distance. 

His phone blipped and he opened a picture from Cas. It was a listing for a Georgia colonial model house with a gaudy garden out front at an outrageous price. 

_Cas Novak: What a marvelous house to hold our cotillions and debutant balls, my dear_

Dean snorted, typing out his response. He and Cas found a few homes they actually liked but there were so many that they couldn't help but joke about a few of them.

_Dean Winchester: I've been looking for a reason to get out my good china and silver. We must write to the tailor immediately to stitch Ben the finest suit with the longest coattails. Coattails are all the rage this season._

_Dean Winchester: Actually...now that I'm thinking about it, he would look fucking adorable in a little suit with coattails. Like a little penguin!_

_Cas Novak: I'm sure his teacher will be impressed if he shows up so impeccably dressed to school everyday_

_Dean Winchester: His teacher will be impressed with how much smarter he'll be than the other kids, anyway_

_Cas Novak: Of course, he's a natural born genius, but the other children will be also intelligent. Don't put other children down, Dean_

_Dean Winchester: Ugh babe you know that's kinda a compliment to you, right? Since he's learned so much from staying home with you? Preschool wouldn't have done half as good a job as renowned author and sex god, Castiel Novak_

_Cas Novak: Perhaps it would be best if we kept my prowess as a sex god between the two of us..._

Dean sent him a picture of a house whose front yard was littered with garden gnomes and got a picture in response of a description of a house which included a welding room, a sorcery room, a range guild and one bedroom and four and a half bathrooms. This time he laughed out loud. People were freaking weird. 

It was nearing the end of his day and Dean considered calling it early and going home sooner to surprise Cas and Ben.

_Dean Winchester: Hey babe what are you doing?_

_Cas Novak: Writing. And trying to explain to Ben why you have to leave the house to work and I get to stay home._

_Dean Winchester: Did you tell him it's because you're smarter than I am?_

_Cas Novak: No. I told him it's because I love him more than you do, so I elected a job with which I can stay with him all day._

_Dean Winchester: You monster._

_Cas Novak: (:_

_Dean Winchester: I was considering coming home early to take you guys out to a surprise lunch but it looks like I'm only taking him!_

_Cas Novak: We'll see how that goes, beloved. See you soon._

Dean locked his phone and smiled. Cas was diabolically persuasive. He couldn't wait to see what he would do. Not that he needed to do anything to convince him. But it would be fun to see anyway.

 

 

"Ben, you and me are going out for lunch, how's that sound?"

"Can we has ice keem after?"

"Sure, buddy. You and me. We're gonna have a whole bunch of fun, isn't that right?" Dean put out his hand for a high five which Ben enthusiastically returned. 

"Kiss too?"

Dean was hopeful he meant he wanted a kiss in addition to the high five, but the way his son's eyes darted behind him told him otherwise. He tried his luck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "There, now let's get dressed! I'm starving!"

"OK but daddy I need to potty!"

"Ok do you need me to -" before he could even finish his sentence, the child has bounced away towards Cas with his left hand outstretched.

"Kiss will you stand by me while I potty so I don't fall?"

"Of course." If anyone else had seen the look Castiel shot Dean, they would've thought nothing of it. But Dean, having been with the man, having loved the man for some two years, saw the teasing, good natured smugness in the look, before it quickly dissolved into obvious love for the little boy clutching his hand.

Dean quickly changed out of his suit and put on a nice, worn-in pair of jeans with a black Guns 'n Roses t shirt and red and black flannel over it. He could hear voices from the bathroom and chuckled to himself over the words being said. Ben was trying to convince Cas that he didn't in fact need to wash his hands because he hadn't touched his _peepee_ when he peed, and Cas was trying to explain to him why it was always important to wash your hands when you use the bathroom, regardless. Castiel of course, prevailed, evident by the running water and verbal appreciation from the deep voice.

"Ok Benny I'm all ready! Let's get you dressed and we can leave."

"Ok. How come you're not making Kiss change his jammies?"

"Because he's not going, bud."

"Why?"

"Because he was mean to daddy."

"How?" 

"He said something mean."

"Why?"

"Because he's a meanie."

"How?"

"What he said to me earlier while I was at work wasnt a cool thing to say."

"How come?"

"I don't know, he's just mean!"

"No he's not daddy, I love Kiss!"

"I love him, too, but I don't want a meanie ruining our lunch."

"Why?"

"Because I don't like mean people."

"No daddy we gots to take Kiss, too...or else... Or else you're the meanie."

Dean gaped. Traitor.

"It's ok, Ben. If daddy wants to just go with you, that's ok, my feelings won't be hurt. But thank you for being my champion."

"But daddy, Kiss teached me how to hold my fork plitely and then I can eat better please can he come and we'll show you?"

"Yes, Dean, I taught him how to politely use his utensils. Wouldn't you like us to show you?"

He couldn't resist the puppy dog eyes being thrown at him. Damn their combined forces of cuteness. "Fine, Kiss can go."

He was rewarded with an armful of cheery little boy. "Do you need help getting dressed?"

"No daddy I can do it!"

As soon as Ben bounded away to his room Dean pulled Cas into his arms for a deep kiss. 

"You crafty sonofabitch, turning Ben against me."

"I assure you there was no craft involved to have the love of my child. Perhaps you should just stop being a meanie." He said with a crooked grin.

Dean pushed him away with a playful smack on his rear. "Hurry and get dressed, I'm actually starving." As if on cue, his stomach grumbled.

 

They went to one of Gabe's restaurants, it was called 'Et es Coire et Capram' and had been an immediate success. It looked like an upscale place with global cultural decor and candle lit table settings and expensive fancy, elaborate menu options from food all around the world, but really it was all cheaply done and only Gabe and his closest friends knew. He had opened it as a joke to make fun of pretentious snobs, hipsters, and self-proclaimed foodies alike, but he ended up making a lot of money off the joke, so he kept it up. The menu items all had names in foreign languages which were actually colorful insults and even the name of the restaurant was Latin for 'You breed with the mouth of a goat', which he and his brothers insisted was funnier in Latin. The 'exotic' recipes were really just twists and blends of traditional ones that he had come up with over his culinary years, but the so called "foodies" who frequented his place were none the wiser and would praise his "grasp of authentic Andalusian cuisine". To their credit, the food was really actually amazing, but the joke still stood. People were idiots with their heads up their asses.

Dean was enjoying his burger and fries, or his 'Pau de Nai' (your mother's cock, in Galician), Cas had ordered salmon, or 'Ketri Prapanicë' (squirrel's ass, in Albanian), and Ben was eating his plate of turkey, Mac n cheese, and green bean casserole, which Gabe simply called 'Thanksgiving dinner' because...well he didn't really have a reason. It was the one thing on his elaborate menu that was in English and entirely straightforward. Dean was just about to ask them if they wanted to go to the park afterwards when a loud squeal interrupted him, and everyone in the restaurant looked at the source of the noise. A man was on one knee with one hand out and the woman was now standing, crying and making noises that sounded like a seal was getting clubbed.

"Craig, of course I'll marry you, oh my god!"

Dean turned away from the clearly, and very loud, couple to return his attention to his food. Many people around them, including Cas, were clapping and cheering. He didn't miss how happy the man looked to witness two people in love. 

Ben had a funny look on his face, as if he understood what happened, but not entirely. He looked at Dean. "Daddy, did Kiss cry like her when you did that?"

Well fuck.

His mouth went dry and he struggled to explain that although no, they weren't married, and so he didn't do the whole proposal shebang, they lived together, and raised a child together, but they weren't married. Thankfully, the blue eyed man in question still had his happy attention turned towards the proposal and the toast the woman was making, so Dean leaned in to whisper to his son.

"Will you help me do that for Kiss?"

The little boy made a funny face. "Ok but I hope Kiss doesn't do that," he pointed towards the lady before Dean could chastise him for pointing because it was rude, "because that was really weird."

Dean grinned. Ben sounded so much like Lisa just then and all he could do was fist bump the boy and continue eating, to not get all emotional over wishing Lisa could be there.

 

They ended up going to the park after getting ice cream, and while Cas and Ben were climbing all over the jungle gym, he created a group message with everyone.

_Dean Winchester: Hey guys, so not to raise any alarms, but I'm for real going to pop the question Cas so I'm going to need your help._

_Sarah Blake: FINALLY!_

_Charlie Bradbury: OHMYGOD FINALLY *ghost emoji*_

_Jo Harvelle: Cheers for growing a pair, old man_

_Kevin Tran: Anything you need (:_

_Gabriel Novak: About time you quit this sinful premarital sex and cohabitation. Hedonists._

Five responses came almost immediately and in succession, causing his phone to go off wildly.

_Dean Winchester: 1) Fuck you @Gabriel Novak 2) Thanks @Kevin Tran 3) Ladies, you guys are jerks. Anyway, I've got the big picture in mind, I just need you guys for the nitty gritty._

He looked at where Ben and Cas were hanging upside down from the bars at the top of the jungle gym and smiled. The trenchcoat was dangling off his shoulder, draping over his face and causing him to fall down laughing. Dean loved the dork in the 'third tier agent' trenchcoat and ego be damned, he would go down Chick-flick Road to ask him to "officially" spend the rest of his life with him, in the most perfect way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Thank you so much for all the kudos and feedback. You guys are the best! Happy reading(:


	21. Chapter 17

"Alright guys, so just to make sure one more time- "

 _"Dean._  Seriously, man we got this." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Yeah don't worry, we're not about to blow this for you!" Charlie added reassuringly.

"Yup, there'll be plenty blowing happening after if this goes well, huh Deanmeister?"

"Gabriel you're disgusting. You're right. But you're disgusting." Sometimes Dean couldn't understand how Gabe and Cas were related at all, let alone brothers.

"Ignore him. Ignore everything. Just do your thing, and it'll be awesome! I promise!" Sarah rubbed his arm encouragingly but he was still on edge.

"Dean, listen. As a proposal expert," Sarah nodded excitedly as if to validate this, "and as your brother, I'm telling you to relax. Nothing in the world would lead to Cas saying no."

"Thanks man, I'm just... I don't know. I need a beer."

The circle of disapproving looks he got and cocked eyebrows told him otherwise. 

"Ok, no beer then..."

"It'll be great, we promise. We like Cas too much to let this be anything less than awesome." 

Dean smiled at Charlie. She was right. If not for him, then his friends would take care to execute the plan flawlessly for Cas. All he had to do was do what they talked about, and remember everything he'd been rehearsing in his head. He would give Cas the proposal he deserved.

Ellen's voice interrupted his train of thought and snapped him into action, and a mess of nerves. "That boy is your soulmate if I've ever seen one. Your proposal will go exactly as it's gonna go. It'll happen and it'll be perfect for you however it goes down, son. Stop worrying so much and just enjoy tonight."

She was right, he just needed to focus on Cas, which he was more than capable of doing. The hard part was not worrying about everything else. But he could do that. For Cas. He looked around at his family and friends and nodded his appreciation at them all. They were here to help and they had been since the start of his journey with Cas. This was going to really happen. The thought made him a little giddy.  _Mister and Mister Winchester. Or Mister Winchester and Mister Novak-Winchester. Or maybe Cas won't take my name. Maybe he'd want me to change to Novak. Hmm... Dean Novak. Not terrible... Winchester just sounds cooler._

His phone blipped and he opened up a picture of Ben in a leather jacket over a black t shirt, jeans rolled up at the ankle, and with Dean's aviators on. The caption read  _Ready for his first rock concert._  Ellen was limiting entry to the Roadhouse that night to very familiar regulars, friends, and family, and she was enforcing a strict two drink limit on anyone who was going to be drinking so that it would be safe for Ben and Claire to be there. It was their first time and needless to say, the two of them were beyond excited. Adding on that they both had a part to play in the events of the evening made the pair of them hardly able to contain themselves. Dean was pretty proud of them for not accidentally spilling the surprise, considering how Cas was their favorite person in the world. Dean would sometimes joke about how he was jealous about being replaced by Cas, since before he came back Dean was the favorite. But he was far from jealous. It made him happy as can be that his chosen life partner was so loved. It just proved that he had good taste. 

Another notification on his phone let him know that Cas was on his way with Ben, getting a ride with Jimmy, Amelia and Claire. "Alright everyone. Showtime!"

 

 

Castiel was seated at the same center table he sat at the first time he visited the Roadhouse, with Ben and Claire seated on either side of him and Jimmy and Amelia next to her. FourCheese just finished playing ‘Old Time Rock and Roll’ and while everyone was applauding and whistling, everyone but Dean got off the stage. He picked up his acoustic guitar and sat on a stool at the center, adjusting the mic in front of him. Suddenly everything went black and Castiel jumped, startled. He heard shuffling beside him and his first instinct was to make sure Claire and Ben were ok and not scared but before he could react two spotlights shone down. There was a soft light focused on him and a brighter one on Dean who was strumming the first familiar chords of a song Castiel couldn’t exactly put his finger on until Dean’s rich voice was resonating through the room.

_“Used to spend my nights out in a barroom_

_Liquor was the only love I’ve known_

_But you rescued me from reachin’ the bottom_

_And brought me back from being too far gone”_

 

Dean watched Cas intently, the recognition on his face, the soft, dreamy look in his eyes, the sweet smile tugging on the corners of his mouth as he brought both hands up to rest his chin on. His eyebrows were drawn up and together with what could only be described as adoration in his eyes.

_“You’re as smooth as Tennessee whiskey_

_You’re as sweet as strawberry wine_

_You’re as warm as a glass of brandy_

_And honey I stay stoned on your love all the time.”_

 

He closed his eyes and put everything he had behind his words, pushing his heart out into the open for Castiel through the riff. When he opened his eyes again, Cas swaying slightly and the smile was more obvious, a stretch of chapped pink, slightly parted as if subtly mouthing the words along with him.

 _“I've looked for love in all the same old places_  
Found the bottom of a bottle always dry  
But when you poured out your heart I didn't waste it  
'Cause there's nothing like your love to get me high

_You’re as smooth as Tennessee whiskey_

_You’re as sweet as strawberry wine_

_You’re as warm as a glass of brandy_

_And honey I stay stoned on your love all the time.”_

There was shuffling again on either side of Castiel, and then Ben and Claire were in the spotlight, too. Claire was holding out a small black box and Ben was holding a sign that read “Will you marry daddy?” Cas’ eyes grew wide as the blue orbs darted between the two children, and Dean, who was still playing his guitar in between the last chorus repetitions.

 

_“You’re as smooth as Tennessee whiskey_

_You’re as sweet as strawberry wine_

_You’re as warm as a glass of brandy_

_And honey I stay stoned on your love all the time._

_You’re as smooth as Tennessee whiskey_

_Tennessee whiskey_

_Tennessee whiskey.”_

The room went silent as Dean put his guitar down and stood up.

“Hey Cas.”

Everyone laughed when Cas just chuckled and waved at the nervous man on stage. “Hello, Dean.”

“Please don’t cry, Kiss.” Ben whispered, leaning towards Cas, as if giving sage reaction advice, to which the man chuckled softly.

“Cas, I uhh, I had this whole speech prepared and memorized and I even had a verse from Rumi thrown in, but I can’t remember any of it.”

“Is that why you’ve been muttering around the house like our resident madman?” Castiel teased and the room was filled with hushed laughter.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. “Yeah, now shut up will you? I’m trying to propose to you.”

Again there were ‘aww’s and chuckles from around the crowd and Dean took a deep breath to try again. He opened his eyes to look into the deep blue that was swimming with endearing humor, affection, and awe. He found exactly what he was trying to say in the azure that he found himself getting lost in so often. “Cas, I was happy before I met you. I had family and friends and a beautiful son and a career I enjoyed. I didn’t think I was missing anything. Then Ben ran into your arms that day at the grocery store three years ago, and he might as well have taken me with him because we were as good as yours from that moment on. You have no idea what sort of confusing feelings were going through my head when I looked into Jimmy’s face but didn’t see _Jimmy_. He’d been one of my best friends for ages but I never even had the slightest thought that your _identical twin_ was attractive, let alone as beautiful as I thought you were. No offense Jimmy.” Subdued laughs were dispersed around the bar. “Man, you have no idea the thoughts running through my head once you cleared up who you were, I was on innuendo overdrive, and I couldn’t get you out of my head. The more time I got to spend with you, the crazier I got, and of course the more my stupid family and friends got on my tail about dating you. And I remember when you made me all those pies and I swear I knew I had to hold tight and never let go. Not just because of the pies of course. I mean, the pies were a big deal and definitely won some brownie points, or should I say _pie_ points...sorry that was lame. But I –” He took a breath, slowing himself down before he got anymore derailed than he already was. “I’m sorry. Cas, I love you. You deserve the best proposal in the history of proposals, and if I’m fumbling and not doing well, it’s because I never thought I would have the privilege of proposing to someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I certainly never imagined I would be hopeful of marriage with the kindest, most loving, most incredible person I’ve ever known. Cas, I’m a ridiculous human being, I know that. I’m not smart in the way you are, I treat my car like she’s human, I put an excessive amount of ketchup on my hot dogs to the point where it is probably disgusting to watch me eat, I drool in my sleep and grind my teeth, but you know all that. And still, you’ve let me love you. I have a host of issues, but I’m redeemed by the constancy and warmth of your companionship. Cas, what you brought to our lives wasn’t happiness, because we already had that. You brought a love that I didn’t think I would be getting. You have been the best father to my son, my best friend, and I want to ask you, in front of everyone we love, and Gabriel,” this time the room erupted with laughter when Gabe could be heard yelling back at Dean, and Castiel hid his face while he laughed, “I want to ask you to marry me.”

Dean made his way to Castiel and took the ring from Claire and bent down on one knee in front of Castiel who, despite his promise not to cry, had tears welling up in his eyes.

“Will you marry me, Cas?” Dean breathed, looking up at him with hopeful eyes, and slid the ring perfectly on his finger.

Castiel knelt down and cupped Dean’s face before leaning in, letting their lips brush together ever so slightly. “Of course, Dean.”

They surged forward together in a passionate kiss and in that moment, Dean swore he was flying. Applause and cheering and whistles erupted in the room but it was overshadowed by the sound of his own heart beating.

When they pulled apart, they rested their foreheads together smiling. “I have to ask because it has been killing me. Castiel Winchester? Or Castiel Novak-Winchester? Or just Novak? Because I don’t mind changing my name –” Castiel silenced him with another powerful kiss.

“Novak-Winchester has a nice ring to it.”

It was settled. Dean and Castiel Novak-Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think love is beautiful. I'm in love with love. I'm especially in love with the love of Dean and Cas. Give everybody you know some lovin'. We could all use it. Because love is dope and super cool and just like poop: it is the combination of a whole bunch of things that we choose to eat (include in our lives) and it feels good to let it out and it can make people laugh, but if you have to force it, that's a bad sign.  
> I love you all. LOVEloveLOVE


	22. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter includes rape and violence.   
> After the asterisks, it switches to Castiel's POV, just to clarify.

The Roadhouse was buzzing with good feeling, and Dean and Castiel couldn’t have been happier. The band, minus Dean, started playing again, encouraging everyone to get up and dance. In the midst of all the couples, Dean pulled Cas to join him in a clumsy country swing. Dean had learned a few moves and tricks over the years and he did not hold back in trying to impress his _fiancé_. He guided Cas through all the slides and turns and dips, and although neither one of them were very coordinated in the dance, their faces hurt from how wide their smiles had been all night.

Tired and out of breath, they stumbled outside to have a moment of quiet. The night air was cool and still. Dean looked at Cas, how his dark hair shone in moonlight, as if he had a halo. His blue eyes were bright and he could see stars in them, he could see his future.

“Hey angel.” He rested their foreheads together and wrapped his arms around his waist, stealing a quick peck.

“Hello, Dean.”

“So, you’re gonna marry me, huh?”

Castiel huffed out a laugh and shook his head. “No, after dancing with you I’m having second thoughts.”

“We’ve danced together before! Hell, we dance all the time. I pull out all the stops this one time and you’re suddenly turned off?”

“We’ve never danced like that before. I wasn’t even aware you knew _how_ to actually dance beyond our silly twisting and shuffling.”

“You’ll find I’m full of surprises.”

Cas kissed him softly. “You surprise me every single day, beloved.”

“You sap.”

“Shut up. I’ve just been proposed to by the man I love. I believe I’m entitled to being as sappy as I’d like.”

They decided to take a little walk, hand in hand, in the quiet night, before they returned to their friends and family. They talked about their future house, made jokes about wedding plans, and shared sweet words as they made their way around the block. The streets were busy with cars and people on the sidewalks between buildings, but none of the noise could have drowned out the sound that used the haunt both men’s dreams. A shrill scream shot a stabbing pain through both of their spines and they followed the sounds as if on autopilot to the source.

They sprinted together cursing loudly trying to get to where the screaming was loudest. They stopped in an alley behind a bar where the dumpsters were and they leapt into action, blinded by unshed tears. Three men were restraining a flailing woman on the ground and they could see where her clothes had been torn at. She was bare from the waist down, and the man holding her thighs was shallowly moving against her writhing form.

“ _GET THE FUCK OFF HER!”_ Dean roared as he stormed at the group of them with his fists braced to start throwing punches. He saw her eyes in the weak streetlight. They were coffee brown, tear streaked and blown wide. Dean saw red. He grabbed the closest guy who had been holding her legs and threw him to the ground before stomping his face repeatedly, knocking him out, before any of the men had time to register his movements.

“Hey FUCK OFF WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHO –” The man who had been trying to cover her mouth got up to join in the brawl when Cas came at him. Dean was hyperaware of the sobbing woman scrambling away to back against the wall, curling up in on herself, and his fiancé tangled with the larger man on the ground in a fit of curses and punches. The woman’s screams for help had attracted a few people, all standing at a distance shuffling around as if unsure what to do. Some had their phones out, some were trying to break up the fight from where they stood, but unwilling to get any closer.

“ _SOMEBODY CALL THE FUCKING COPS!_ ” Dean barked at the bystanders as he struggled to subdue the third man. His ears were ringing and ever nerve ending in his body was on fire. He took every hit the man threw at him but gave harder than he took. “ _You sick fuck!_ ” He spat as he pulled the man in forceful contact between his groin and Dean’s knee. He doubled over, wailing, on the ground, sputtering curses at Dean. He gave him an additional swift kick to the ribs for good measure. He looked at where Castiel had the other man in a headlock with his knee digging in between his shoulders. He quickly took out his phone and dialed 9-1-1, not trusting that any of the bystanders had called already. It rang a few times before the operator answered in her level voice. _Damn high emergency call volumes._

_“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”_

“I’m on the corner of Auburn and Hasting with three guys trying to rape a woman.” He spat, glaring at the, now three, unconscious men.

_“I have a unit heading for you right now, sir, as well as an ambulance.”_

He hung up the call as soon as he had confirmation that help was on the way. He looked over to where Castiel had the woman cradled close to him, rocking her back and forth. He had draped his coat over her trembling body and she sobbed brokenly against his chest. Castiel looked up with tears in his own eyes at Dean while he whispered words of comfort to the woman. Dean’s heart was pounding in his ears and he dropped to his knees next to the two of them. His fists were still clenched in anger but he collapsed against his fiancé’s shoulder and let a few stray tears escape. He didn’t know if he was shaking in rage or exhaustion or grief or a combination of all of it but those red-rimmed, big brown eyes made his chest feel hollowed out.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” He could hear Cas whispering.

_I’m sorry, too._

Police sirens made them look up and they had to blink against the flashing red and blue lights. Four officers approached them and looked between the group of them huddled together and the three battered men lying on the ground. A handful of EMTs joined them and they immediately crouched down to tend to the hyperventilating woman. Confident that she was being taken care of, Cas let her go and helped her walk to the ambulance. One of the officers was questioning Dean while the other three were helping medics move the unconscious attackers.

Dean explained the situation and talking about it renewed the flood of moisture in his eyes. Luckily there were two bystanders who hadn’t scattered when the police came who were willing to testify to Dean’s story. Also, there was a camera attached to the bar that was facing the alleyway. The officer was firm but sympathetic and let him go back to Cas once he was satisfied with his answers.

“Listen, sir. As an officer, I have to warn you against engaging in street fights and beating the crap out of people, even in this situation,” he leaned closer to speak more quietly, “But as a human being, good on you and your fiancé. I don’t know that I would have done any less with these fuckers.”

Dean shook his hand and thanked him before joining Cas He had a blanket around him, talking quietly to the young woman, who was laying on a stretcher in the back of the ambulance.

“Thank you, thank you so much. I don’t know what I –” her voice broke into small sobs and Castiel took both her hands in his and told her to hush and that she didn’t need to thank him. Dean could tell his voice was ready to break as well, but he was keeping his composure as best he could.

The ambulance was getting ready to leave and Castiel gave his contact information to one of the medics to give to her once she was discharged from the hospital, in case she ever needed anything. Dean stood by him and watched as the ambulance drove away.

“Alright, fellas, I’m assuming my partner already gave you the spiel about street fighting, how you won’t be charged with anything, all that good stuff?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. We’ll be in touch if she decides to press charges. Between the three of us, I hope these fuckers rot in jail, but unfortunately that doesn’t always happen. Anyway, here’s my card, my name is Jody Mills, or you can ask for my partner, Donna Hanscum, if you need anything. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but good work, boys. You take care now.”

The walk back to the Roadhouse was somber. Dean’s legs felt like lead and their hands were clasped together so tightly, his arm was starting to tingle.

“Dean…”

“Can we…can we talk when we get home, Cas?” His eyes were pleading and he could see the same reciprocated in the deep blues.

They joined their friends and family and apologized for needing to leave early, and thanked everyone profusely for sharing the evening with them. Sam sensed that something was off and put a comforting arm on Dean’s shoulder.

“You guys ok, man?”

“Not really, but…I’ll talk to you about it later. I just need to be home with Cas and Ben right now.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, thanks Sammy.”

“We’re here for you if you need anything. Take care.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Ben was worn out from all the excitement of his evening and instead of putting him in his booster seat in the back, Castiel sat him in the middle of the bench seat, up front between them. He put an arm around the child’s shoulders and let him fall asleep leaned against him.

“Are you ok, Dean?” Castiel’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“I’m shaken up, man. I’m… I don’t know. I mean, I think we’re both just… I don’t know. You know?”

“Yes. I do.”

Dean white knuckled the steering wheel with both hands and looked straight ahead. He tried not to think about everything that had happened until they got home. He didn’t want to let his thoughts fester in his head before he could talk about it with Cas. He knew he had been affected just as much as he had.

Once they were home, they put Ben to bed and just sat together on the edge of his bed, watching him settle into a deep sleep.

“Can we take a shower now?” Dean whispered?

They made their way to the bathroom and shed their clothes unhurriedly while the water heated up. They stepped in together under the spray and stood there, arms wrapped around each other, foreheads together, and just swayed side to side, letting the water wash away the tension of the night.

 

********************

 

Castiel eventually made a move to squirt some shampoo into his hands and massage it into Dean’s scalp. He lathered it well and rubbed circles at his temples, scratched the back of his neck, and tried to help him unwind. When he was satisfied with his work, he guided him back under the spray and kept his fingers moving through his hair. His heart ached immensely. Not just for the young woman, who told him her name was Alex Jones, but for the state that it left Dean in, and for the memory of Illaha. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do and as strong as the threat of paralysis from the rush of grief was, the need to take care of Dean was greater. He knew that he wasn’t responsible for the horrible things that had happened, but as he scrubbed his lover’s body down with his loofah, he couldn’t push away the guilty weight that settled on his chest. _If only we had gotten there sooner, if only we had left the Roadhouse earlier and came across her before, if only…_

He tried to reassure himself that she was a strong woman and she would be ok, that she was a survivor and she would receive the proper care and help and support and that she would heal and everything would be fine, but Illaha’s cuts and bruises flashed in his mind and hopelessness loomed over him. He hoped those men would be punished severely, he hoped they would be sentenced to a lifetime of prison, he hoped that lifetime was miserable and taxing and painful.

He gently guided Dean to sit down on the shower bench and stood between his legs. He ran his hands up and down Dean’s arms before softly cupping his jaw and tilting his head up so that Castiel could plant soft kisses on his face.

_I will take care of you. I will never let anything happen to you. I will never let anyone hurt you. I will protect our family. I love you._

Dean parted his lips and moved his face in search of Castiel’s lips. He obliged him and shared a deep, slow, unmoving kiss. It was sad, it was longing, it was asking for refuge. Castiel knew that Dean had his own trauma with sexual assault and he saw the uncharacteristic rage that it ripped out of him so violently. His Dean was hurting, and if he was powerless to protect Alex, to save Illaha, he sure as Hell wouldn’t resign to being helpless in trying to take care of Dean.

“Keep your eyes closed, my love.” He whispered as he scrubbed their facewash over Dean’s upturned face. Once he was completely clean, head to toe, Castiel quickly washed himself and then turned off the water so that they could dry off. Dean made a move to dry himself but Cas crowded into his space and gently patted him down with his towel. Then he took his hand and led him to the bed, where he moved the covers out of the way and laid Dean down on the mattress. He straddled his fiancé and caressed his chest lovingly. Having his hands on the man he loved grounded him and gave him a way to channel and process the burning in his heart. Dean reached up to pull Castiel onto him and kissed him again, searching his mouth with his tongue and he felt him give a few long thrusts against him with his hips.

“Cas, baby, I want you. I need you, man. I need you.”

“Anything, beloved, anything you need. I’ll give you anything you want, just tell me.”

Dean ground against him again and again but never let go of the hold he had around his shoulders. He gripped Dean’s shaft beneath him and stroked it in time with his grinding. Cas dipped his head to trail kisses along his jaw, behind his ear, under his chin and over his throat, but he felt a drop of moisture hit his cheek where it was pressed against Dean’s. He repositioned himself to look at his face and he saw that his eyes were shut tight and his lips were pressed in a tight grimace.

“Dean?”

“Cas, I –”

“Dean, tell me.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t, you know,” he swallowed and motioned at the still soft member between his legs, “I don’t know why, I’m so sorry. I want to, I swear I do, I want to so badly, but I can’t.”

“Hush, Dean, don’t apologize. It’s fine, it happens, don’t worry.”

“But I want to do this for you, I do, I just –”

“Dean, sweet Dean, don’t worry. Please. Let me just take care of you. I want to do this however is best for both of us. Just relax and let me love you.”

He clasped their hands together and brought them between their chests, and started peppered light kisses all over his face. He made his way down to his collarbones, his chest, he kissed their joined hands, then moved on to his stomach, his naval, his hips, down his legs and ended with a soft kiss at each ankle before making his way back up. He then reached into his nightstand and retrieved a tube of blueberry chamomile lotion that Dean had bought him. He squeezed a generous amount of the smooth cream into his hands and warmed it up between his palms before setting out to knead out all the tension out of his lover’s body. He would take care of him however way he could, however way Dean needed him to. He circled his firm chest and put the gentlest amount of pressure over his stomach, circling his thumbs and covering every inch of skin with the subtly sweet smelling lotion. He followed his hands with butterfly kisses and listened for the shifts in Dean’s breathing, waiting for him to release the breath that told him he was allowing himself to be taken care of.

“Dean, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He whispered.

“I love you so much. You’re such a good man.”

He took each hand into his own and rubbed the palms with his thumbs and massaged every last finger. Castiel sat back on his heels between Dean’s legs and took one into his lap, massaging each muscle, feeling for every tense spot and working to relieve him. He worked his way down to his feet and rubbed at the tired soles for the longest time. He smoothed his fingers over the arches of his feet and paid attention to the spaces between his toes.

“I love you more than anything, Dean. You are everything to me.” He rubbed some of the lotion into Dean’s groin area and his inner thighs and pelvis, even softly stroking the flaccid shaft, but there was nothing sexual or expectant about it. He only wanted to care for every part of him, pay attention to every bit of his body.

He guided him then to turn over onto his stomach so that Cas could straddle his hips again and massage his back. He squeezed more lotion in his hands and continued his ministrations. Castiel always admired Dean’s strong, muscular back. He had broad shoulders and firm, defined musculature but now he just wanted to soften it all beneath his hands. He balled his fists and kneaded his knuckles in circles up and down the expanse of skin. Dean groaned beneath him softly but he recognized it as a sound of comfort and felt encouragement.

_I can take care of him. I can take care of us, of Ben. I won’t fail this time. I won’t let another loved one down. I can do this._

“Dean, you’re always so good, so good to everyone. My good man. Always taking care of everyone. Even now, letting me do this, you’re being so good for me. I love you. You’re so full of love, so full of goodness. You’re a beacon for others, you guided me home, I love you.”

“Cas, please, don’t stop,” came a whimpered response. He heard the tears in his request and there was no force on Earth that could have torn Castiel away or stopped him at that moment.

He rubbed up and down his spine, across his shoulders, into his waist, over his sides, never ceasing the steady stream of loving words spilling from his mouth. He would follow up with gentle kisses to the back of his neck every so often and finally journeyed down the back of his legs. An hour may have passed, it may have been two or three, when Castiel was finally satisfied with his work. He then draped himself over Dean’s back, still whispering love into his ear, punctuating each statement with a soft kiss. He saw the wet stain on the pillow his heart broke further. He settled next to Dean in the bed and pulled the covers over the two of them. He snuggled as close as he could get and wrapped his arms over the weeping man and encouraged him to speak his mind.

“Cas, I – I don’t know. I mean, I do know. It’s just, the girl, she – she looked _just like_ _Lisa_. I got so scared and angry and _everything_ all at once. I couldn’t save Lisa. And this girl, like what’s going to happen now? And those pieces of shit who were all over her, I mean, there are more people like them in the world. How many more Lisas are going to be attacked? How many more people are going to go through what she’s gone through? How many more people are going to lose family? How many more people are going to go through what we’ve gone through? What about all the Deans who don’t have a Castiel? What about all the – I just – fuck,” he was openly letting the tears fall and Castiel could only listen and wipe them away.

“I know. I know, my love. I felt it, too. But please, _please_ don’t blame yourself for what happened to Lisa.”

“But if I had just…”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know, _I DON’T KNOW_! But there must have been something.”

Castiel gave the trembling man a gentle squeeze and leaned in to kiss his forehead. “Dean, you are not responsible. I know, it hurts to feel that you are powerless in protecting everyone, but look at what you _have_ done, instead of what you couldn’t do. Look how well you’ve raised Ben, look how strong and bright and wonderful you’ve raised him to be. Look at how happy you’ve kept all your friends and family around you. You’re a good man, you do so much good every single day. Look how happy and safe and loved you’ve made me feel. You helped me with all my past ghosts, no one else could have done that. You’ve done so much good, beloved.”

“I miss her, Cas.”

“I know. I do, too.”

Dean looked at him strangely.

“I was referring to Illaha. I miss her, as you miss Lisa. We’ve both faced tragic loss, but we’ve got one another, we have Ben, to keep each other strong. They can’t be replaced, but they can be remembered and honored by continuing to live as they would have wanted us to.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right, Cas, but I’m just shaken by this. I haven’t been thrown into feeling like this in years. I’m just…I’m hurting.”

“I know. And I will be here, _always_ , to help you heal, as you have stood by me.”

They laid there together in silence for a while, just listening to the soothing sound of the other man’s breathing to calm themselves.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Can I, uh, can I show you something?”

“Of course.”

Dean shifted and turned so that he could dig into his nightstand and pulled out an envelope, which he handed to Cas. “Read it.”

Castiel’s eyes roamed over the words on the page, written in a beautiful script, the hand of someone kind and warm, and he absorbed every sentence. He smiled and his heart welled with sadness, and then he smiled again at the end. Dean had never shared Lisa’s letter with him before and he knew they crossed a new threshold in their relationship, that their bond had strengthened that much more. He had spoken about her before, but only with the smallest details. He had small pieces of who the beautiful woman was, but this was something profound. After reading it and rereading it, he folded it back and put it back in the envelope and handed it back to Dean to put back in the drawer.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. Would you like to talk about it?”

“No, I just… I felt like I needed to finally show that to you.”

“She would be happy with you. You’ve done exactly as she would’ve wanted.”

“Cas?”

“Hmm?”

“I want to say something else, now that you’ve read that.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. For the way you’ve become a parent to Ben. Thanks for helping me fulfill my promise to her.”

“Of course.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Sleep now, Dean. You’ve had a taxing day. Wake me if you want to talk and I’m not already awake.”

“Ok.”

Castiel hummed ‘Stand By Me’ to the man in his arms and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb into the back of his neck, until he heard his breath even out as he finally fell asleep.

_I promise, Lisa, Illaha, I will always stand by him. I promise I won’t let him down. I won’t let anyone else down. I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this caused anyone any amount of personal pain, it was a hard chapter to write and I found myself needing to take breaks, but there was a lot of personal experience I drew upon so I guess you could say this is really personal and I'm glad I could share with all of you lovely readers. Also I wanted to say that if anyone is struggling with their own head space, their own situation or anything, take care of yourself, find reasons to love yourself.
> 
> Let me know how you feel, let me know what you think, talk to me. I love you all, and again, I'm sorry if the trigger warnings were not adequate and this chapter hurt you. 
> 
> If you want to talk to me about anything your struggling with, or if you just want to talk, I'm on Tumblr at compulsive-baker (http://compulsive-baker.tumblr.com/)


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